The Dark Side of Psychological Safety

Something odd happened on our team five years ago that I now witness in many workplaces across the nation. One of our team members (we’ll call her Dina) turned in a project that was so poor, her supervisor met with her to offer some corrective feedback. Dina wouldn’t have it. Her reaction stumped me. She called out her supervisor on his correction, claiming she’d been attacked.

Then, she claimed her supervisor wasn’t psychologically safe.

As a manager, Tara witnessed consistent unacceptable work from a young colleague. In fact, Rob’s level of work was so poor, Tara knew it would be a disservice if she didn’t meet with him to offer some constructive advice. She was careful to be clear yet restorative as she spoke. Tara wanted Rob to know she believed in him and offered her counsel, knowing he was capable of more. Rob responded with, “You just triggered my PTSD. I need psychological safety.”

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that organizations need to be safe places for staff to feel supported. I’m indebted to people like Amy Edmondson, who introduced this concept years ago in corporate America. The idea has spread over the last decade, and we’re better for it. Psychological safety refers to the belief that no one will be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns or mistakes. On teams, it means employees believe they can take risks without being shamed by other team members. Sadly, now that the term is familiar, it’s being abused. The concept of psychological safety is a catchphrase used when someone wants to say, “Please don’t give me hard feedback because my mind just can’t take it.” This is a gross misinterpretation of the real thing.

How Did We Begin Weaponizing the Term?

I’ve witnessed a shift in power that wasn’t all bad at first. Employees entered their jobs questioning authority and institutions. It kept leaders honest. As a result, however, they shifted to a posture of distrust. Over time, folks altered their focus from growing through the difficult feedback to demanding that the hard feedback stop. The solution was no longer found internally but externally: “I don’t need to change; my boss needs to change.” Today, hard feedback is often considered harsh feedback by many employees. A growing number could be profiled as “fragile” in terms of workplace candor.

Psychological safety must be defined in a healthy manner. It’s not about shielding people from discomfort. Quite the opposite: It’s that teams can have uncomfortable conversations and everything is discussable. A sign of psychological safety at work is that I can give or receive hard feedback, and it’s not going to bruise egos or ruin relationships. It means you’re going to take it as an opportunity for growth. Yet another sign of safety is that you can tell me that you’re having a tough time receiving hard feedback. The issue must go both ways: Leaders and workers can give and receive negative feedback. Good leaders can take tough input on their leadership and be better for it.

Steps Toward the Bright Side

If you’ve witnessed unhealthy approaches to psychological safety or even seen it weaponized at work, I suggest you address it with these simple steps.

1. Get your leadership team on the same page. Years ago, I discovered that our HR director saw her job as representing employees, not the organization. She acted more like a therapist than a fellow leader, unwittingly fostering a toxic environment as she failed to steward our mission. Staff began to play her and the leadership team against each other, like children do with parents. Safety begins with the leadership team you’re on.

2. Practice Meta-Feedback. Meet and gain feedback on the way you do feedback. Talk about what’s been normalized on the team and determine if leaders have set a healthy tone. When things are unsafe, staff hide mistakes out of fear of retribution. Have team members share when they’ve received feedback in a helpful and restorative way. Ask if anyone has seen the term “psychological safety” weaponized at work.

3. Check your relationships. If you’re trying to offer tough love and it’s not being received, you must ask yourself: Have I done enough to build a strong relationship with this person? Healthy trust must precede candor. Leaders must build bridges of relationship that can bear the weight of honest disclosure. Deepen connections by matching up teammates to talk about things beyond work topics.

4. Educate your team on what psychological safety is and isn’t. Many people have never enjoyed a psychologically safe work environment. Toxic workplaces are everywhere. People may bring distorted definitions with them. Consequently, leaders must teach and model what safety looks like. Convince the team that growth won’t happen by accident, but rather by healthy nudges from everyone at all levels. Practice “show and tell” on this issue.

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5. Speak as if you’re right but listen as if you’re wrong. This is an assignment I’ve given myself for three years now. In meetings, I want to model both confidence and humility. I share my ideas with a confident spirit, but then listen to others as if I could be wrong. It transforms how people interact. Humility, teachability, and vulnerability are contagious. Both leaders and team members must learn to be vulnerable.

6. Make candor normal. Honesty is the highest expression of loyalty. No one must wonder where they stand. Then, when a leader praises someone, it’s believable because they are straight shooters. Note the difference between effort and outcomes. Find ways to affirm people, but critique projects.

As Angela Ahrendts said, “Everyone talks about building a relationship with your customer. I think you build one with your employees first.”

This is an adapted excerpt from my new book, The Future Begins with Z: Nine Strategies to Lead Generation Z as They Upset the Workplace.