4 Steps to Break Free From the Trap of Perfectionism

I know people who have never struggled with perfectionism, but their numbers are few. By the late 20th century, Americans seemed to have increasingly drifted toward this tendency. As psychologist Adam Grant has written, “There’s strong evidence that perfectionism has been rising for years across the United States, the United Kingdom and Canada. Social media clearly hasn’t helped, but the spike started in the 1990s—a full generation before anyone was posting curated images on Instagram.” Fortunately, there are ways to address it when it sneaks up on us.

The Perfectionism Trap

I still fight it in my career, as recently as last week. I put together a talk that I felt had great data, practical action steps, and lots of “heart” at the end for an audience of business leaders from various industries. I had the perfect plan. What happened was less than perfect. The audio embedded into my slide deck failed, despite a strong rehearsal. Next, my headset started making noises and had to be replaced in the middle of my session. After these two fumbles, my time ran out and I was forced into an abrupt closing idea. I gave myself a B- on that event and walked into my lunch meeting with sour emotions.

I bet this has happened to you. Despite the positive reviews I received from attendees, my silent response was: Yeah, well, that’s your standard; I have my own standard for excellence and it’s higher than yours. I didn’t do well.

I meet high school and college students who suffer from this disease. They take great pride in their 4.0 GPA or even their perfect 1600 SAT score, but once they leave the predictable, controllable cocoon of the classroom, the real world is far more ambiguous. The desire to find the “correct” or “perfect” answer can backfire. Grant writes: “In a meta-analysis, the average correlation between perfectionism and performance at work was zero. When it came to mastering tasks, perfectionists were no better than their peers. Sometimes, they did even worse. The skills and inclinations that drive people to the top of their high school or college may not serve them so well after they graduate.”

The result? We are tempted to judge our worth by a perfect standard, which is a dangerous trap. Perfectionism is the desire to be impeccable. The goal is zero defects: no faults, no flaws, and no failures. Since none of us are perfect, we’re bound to fail.

How Do I Address Perfectionism?

Let me offer four steps I take when I’m tempted by perfectionism.

1. Recognize what’s most important. Research suggests that perfectionists tend to obsess about details that don’t matter. They become so busy finding the right solutions to tiny problems that they lack the discipline to find the right problems to solve. You might say they miss the forest for the trees. In addition, they avoid unfamiliar situations and difficult tasks that might lead to failure. They don’t want to jeopardize their perfect track record. This actually makes them less valuable to a team.

2. Understand the difference between perfectionism and excellence. We should always strive to excel, giving each task our very best effort. There’s a difference, however, between this and perfection. We must chase the right goal—to excel. If we chase perfection as our goal, we’ll berate ourselves over anything less than perfect, making it harder to learn from our mistakes. The purpose of reviewing our mistakes isn’t to shame ourselves but to learn from them. What if we aim for perfection but settle for excellence?

3. Do a motive check. I help myself in my struggle with perfectionism by checking my motives: Why do I want to be perfect? Is it because it looks good to others? Does it stroke my ego? Is it competition with someone I envy? Motives are important for at least one big reason: Why I do something ultimately determines what I do. Clarifying my motives enables me to stay on track, do my best work for the right reasons, and avoid the distraction of merely beating someone else.

4. Avoid anything that confuses the issue. The more we grow, the better we know which flaws are acceptable. Some professions demand that a person get clear on this. I don’t want my heart surgeon to perform a less-than-perfect surgery. This is only possible when the surgeon knows what to pay attention to and what matters less. I must avoid any distractions or inputs that cloud my concentration or dilute my focus. I can do anything, but I can’t do everything. Confusion is the foe of focus.

The event I spoke at last week taught me this very lesson. What I wanted to do was to give a perfect speech. But that wasn’t what mattered to my audience. Besides the people who told me how much my session meant to them, one person approached me afterward and said, “What I learned most from your talk is how to remain poised when things go wrong.” My goal should always be to transform lives, not to offer a perfect performance.