Are We Done Fighting?

Cognitive Reappraisal

The Enemy Isn’t Who You Think It Is

Matthew Legge on June 9, 2025

You might not just be arguing with another person, but with your assumptions and expectations about them. Here's how to reduce your distress and improve conflicts.

You might not just be arguing with another person, but with your assumptions and expectations about them. Here's how to reduce your distress and improve conflicts.

Identity

You’re Not Just You: How Others Shape Your True Self

Matthew Legge on March 3, 2025

Is your true self something you control or discover? Or is it shaped by others? Evidence shows that relationships influence who you are in surprising ways.

Is your true self something you control or discover? Or is it shaped by others? Evidence shows that relationships influence who you are in surprising ways.

Relationships

Is Your Relationship a Battleground? Oppose and Propose

Matthew Legge on December 2, 2024

Struggling with conflict? Healthy relationships require two types of actions. They can be summarized as oppose and propose. Both are valuable.

Struggling with conflict? Healthy relationships require two types of actions. They can be summarized as oppose and propose. Both are valuable.

Bias

The Fine Line Between Confidence and Closed-Mindedness

Matthew Legge on August 27, 2024

In an uncertain world, knowing what to believe can be challenging. Debates about the "hot hand" in basketball show the trade-off between trusting your gut and being open-minded.

In an uncertain world, knowing what to believe can be challenging. Debates about the "hot hand" in basketball show the trade-off between trusting your gut and being open-minded.

Personality Change

The Surprising Truth Is That People Change All the Time

Matthew Legge on May 28, 2024

A tendency to underestimate how much people change can lead to pessimism about addressing conflicts. But research shows that personality changes are more common than believed.

A tendency to underestimate how much people change can lead to pessimism about addressing conflicts. But research shows that personality changes are more common than believed.

Relationships

The Relationship Dilemma: Judgment vs. Acceptance

Matthew Legge on February 26, 2024

Standard advice tells you to be accepting. But is that helpful for your relationships? Here are the other strategies.

Standard advice tells you to be accepting. But is that helpful for your relationships? Here are the other strategies.

Relationships

Listening: Your Key to Success

Matthew Legge on August 1, 2023

You'll be amazed by how powerful listening can be. It's not just about being civil. If you want to be influential and improve your relationships, listening is essential.

You'll be amazed by how powerful listening can be. It's not just about being civil. If you want to be influential and improve your relationships, listening is essential.

Anxiety

Why Your Presence Alone Is Surprisingly Powerful

Matthew Legge on May 2, 2023

Being present with someone without even speaking is a powerful act. Evidence from eye gazing to negotiation studies explains this power.

Being present with someone without even speaking is a powerful act. Evidence from eye gazing to negotiation studies explains this power.

Neuroscience

Want to Move On After a Painful Fight? Try a Ritual

Matthew Legge on February 2, 2023

Are you feeling stuck in a conflict? This science explains how rituals are powerful ways to transform your feelings and embody improved relationships.

Are you feeling stuck in a conflict? This science explains how rituals are powerful ways to transform your feelings and embody improved relationships.

Sleep

Beware the Popular Idea That You Know a Hidden Truth

Matthew Legge on November 3, 2022

A simple idea—that your side is awake to the secret way things are while everyone else sleepwalks—made its way across intense ideological divides.

A simple idea—that your side is awake to the secret way things are while everyone else sleepwalks—made its way across intense ideological divides.

Conformity

One Easy Change in Perspective Can Deepen Your Understanding

Matthew Legge on August 4, 2022

You know who you are and what you stand for. And sometimes it’s miles away from the people you disagree with. Or is it? One simple tool will help you find out.

You know who you are and what you stand for. And sometimes it’s miles away from the people you disagree with. Or is it? One simple tool will help you find out.

Grief

Your Emotions Are Fundamental

Matthew Legge on May 2, 2022

What you think you know about emotions may be wrong, which can drive bitter conflicts. These tips will help you better understand your emotions.

What you think you know about emotions may be wrong, which can drive bitter conflicts. These tips will help you better understand your emotions.

Trauma

Mental Health, Trauma, and the Nonprofit Sector

Matthew Legge on April 12, 2022

In helping professions, there can sometimes be shame, guilt, and weakness associated with needing to step back and catch one’s breath.

In helping professions, there can sometimes be shame, guilt, and weakness associated with needing to step back and catch one’s breath.

Humor

Humor and Humiliation

Matthew Legge on March 30, 2022

Why would someone take the dangerous risk of getting in a physical fight over something as apparently meaningless as a bad joke, even one in poor taste?

Why would someone take the dangerous risk of getting in a physical fight over something as apparently meaningless as a bad joke, even one in poor taste?

Health

Victimhood Is Tearing Us Apart

Matthew Legge on February 10, 2022

Victimhood narratives are driving explosive conflicts like protests against public health measures.

Victimhood narratives are driving explosive conflicts like protests against public health measures.

Relationships

Thich Nhat Hanh, Quantum Physics, and Relationships

Matthew Legge on January 26, 2022

Quantum physicists, philosophers, and Zen Buddhists have converged on this idea. And it can help strengthen your relationships.

Quantum physicists, philosophers, and Zen Buddhists have converged on this idea. And it can help strengthen your relationships.

Bias

Improve Conflict by Setting Boundaries

Matthew Legge on September 23, 2021

Frustrating conversations often feature people talking past each other. The meaning of commonly used words can differ from person to person.

Frustrating conversations often feature people talking past each other. The meaning of commonly used words can differ from person to person.

Media

When Polarization Is Beneficial

Matthew Legge on July 27, 2021

Wikipedia and the social media platform Polis provide encouraging examples of how polarization can be navigated for positive results.

Wikipedia and the social media platform Polis provide encouraging examples of how polarization can be navigated for positive results.

Anxiety

The Rise of Self-Censorship

Matthew Legge on July 5, 2021

Self-censorship is on the rise among those on both the right and left in the U.S., regardless of how moderate or extreme their views actually are. This has multiple important implications.

Self-censorship is on the rise among those on both the right and left in the U.S., regardless of how moderate or extreme their views actually are. This has multiple important implications.

Stress

Why It's Better to Stay Curious Than to Make Assumptions

Matthew Legge on April 14, 2021

Curiosity has some powerful proven benefits, from helping people respond better to stress to reducing stereotyping.

Curiosity has some powerful proven benefits, from helping people respond better to stress to reducing stereotyping.