7 Ways to Fix Your Relationship With Yourself

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Much advice is offered on how to navigate relationships with family members and romantic partners for understandable reasons. The quality of these relationships impacts the quality of one’s life.

However, not enough is said about a more fundamental relationship that impacts the quality of your interpersonal relationships—your relationship with yourself.

The reality is that your relationship with yourself is often projected onto your relationship with others. For example, if you are a perfectionist who struggles to keep up with high, but unrealistic, standards, you are likely to suffocate loved ones by holding them to similar expectations. Likewise, if you care and have compassion for yourself, then you are less likely to settle for relationships that don’t serve your needs.

Your relationship with yourself not only impacts your interpersonal relationships. It also influences your mood, levels of anxiety, and decisions you make for yourself. For example, if you think poorly of yourself, then you are more prone to depression and higher levels of social anxiety. This can lead to avoidance behaviors such as skipping out on social events.

There is no escaping the significance of this fundamental relationship. After all, you are with yourself 24/7.

Here are seven tips to help you have a healthy relationship with yourself.

1. Practice Healthy Habits

The quality of your habits impacts your relationship with yourself. When you fall for vices, be it eating junk food, drinking alcohol, or binging on Netflix, you feel worse about yourself. Likewise, you feel better about yourself after engaging in healthy habits such as physical activity, reading a book, or eating a healthy meal.

Remember to make yourself a priority. Every time you practice a habit that promotes your health, you are conveying the message that you are worth the investment in time, energy, and care.

2. Tame Your Inner Critic

As a psychiatrist, people often share with me unkind and disparaging comments when they criticize themselves. Such comments are not constructive. They tear you apart and only make it exponentially harder to reach your goals.

When you notice your inner critic lashing out for a perceived shortcoming, press pause and ask yourself:

“How would I speak to a loved one going through a similar experience?”

The language and tone that you would use for a loved one is the blueprint for how to speak to yourself. If you are harsher on yourself than others, you are creating a double standard and not being fair to yourself.

3. Practice Humility

Humility is not readily embraced in Western culture, which is defined by staunch individualism and unrestrained materialism. This is unfortunate because humility can enhance your relationship with yourself.

Humility is the acceptance that you are no better or worse than anyone else. Your self-worth is an inherent and essential part of your humanity. No amount of fame, fortune, or success makes you more worthy than any other human being. No shortcoming can deprive you of your worth.

4. Let Go of Perfectionism

On the surface, perfectionists may appear to have a healthy relationship with themselves because they present as driven, high achievers, and as successful. The reality, however, is that they may suffer greatly behind their façade.

Perfectionists fall for the all-or-nothing trap. They view themselves as either perfect or a complete failure. This makes for a suffocating way of living because the stakes always feel so high. It should not be surprising that perfectionism is associated with a host of mental and physical health difficulties. Perfectionism can also negatively impact your interpersonal relationships and job performance.

Letting go of perfectionism is essential for having a healthy relationship with yourself. Give yourself permission to not always be perfect in every aspect of your life. Embrace your imperfections as part of the human condition. Every single one of us has shortcomings to work on.

5. Engage in Meaningful Work

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Work is meaningful when it aligns with your values and interests. It can add fulfillment to your life and help you feel better about yourself.

Unfortunately, most people do not derive much meaning from their employment. A survey of adults from 17 countries showed that only 25 percent derive meaning from their occupation.

If you are in such a situation, don’t despair. You can still engage in meaningful work outside your occupation, such as through volunteer opportunities, a creative endeavor, an exercise regimen, or even hobbies such as gardening, cooking, or playing a musical instrument. Work does not have to be narrowly limited to your day job.

6. Set Appropriate Boundaries

Be mindful of whom you choose to surround yourself with. Some people will bring out the best in you. Remember to tend to these relationships and strengthen them.

On the other hand, some people will treat you poorly and bring out the worst in you. Set your boundaries by maintaining an appropriate distance. Though difficult, advocating for yourself can be an empowering experience.

7. Celebrate the Victories

It is human nature to focus on the negative and take the positive for granted. After all, the job of your brain is not to make you happy. From an evolutionary perspective, its job is to protect you by looking for worst-case scenarios.

As part of your journey of personal growth, it is appropriate to hold yourself accountable for shortcomings and explore ways to improve yourself. However, it is also important to give yourself credit for a job well done.

You don’t have to achieve anything monumental to praise yourself. Every day is filled with victories that are worth noting. Examples include showing up and doing your best even if you are not feeling your best, maintaining your composure during a stressful situation, or helping someone feel better after interacting with them.

Such moments may seem insignificant. However, they are meaningful and make up a large portion of your day. More importantly, they speak volumes about who you are and what you stand for.