Distraction Makes Worry Worse

Lots of people who struggle with anxiety rely on distraction and thought stopping to help them through difficult moments of anxiety and worrisome thoughts.

But this often produces more trouble than it's worth.

Thoughts aren’t dangerous

There are several good reasons not to rely on distraction. For one, it reinforces the belief that your thoughts can be dangerous. Thoughts aren’t dangerous. Only actions can be dangerous.

You can have thoughts of dangerous actions. But no amount of thinking about fire is going to burn anything. Only starting an actual fire can burn something. Thoughts are often unpleasant, and anxiety provoking, but not dangerous.

Treating your thoughts as if they're dangerous creates a lot of discomfort in life. It can feel like there’s a group of saboteurs in your head, ready to strike you down at any time. This will make you feel more, not less, vulnerable. It’s not true.

Distraction often backfires

Second, distraction is an unreliable tool when you try to use it purposefully. Let’s suppose you’re starting to have a panic attack and receive an unexpected phone call from one of your classmates in high school, maybe someone you haven’t talked with for years. Or maybe your child falls down and gets a bloody nose. Either of those events is likely to be so distracting as to interrupt and bring you out of the panic attack.

But when you try to deliberately distract yourself, that’s something else entirely. That doesn’t work so well.

The most frequent result of trying not to think of something…is to think of it more. It’s like banning books. It actually directs your attention to what you don’t want to notice. And so, the harder you try to stop thinking about that uncomfortable or scary symptom, the more likely you are to notice it again and again.

About your urge to distract

However, it can be very helpful to notice when you have the urge to distract yourself. Then you can ask yourself this question:

What does it tell me about a problem if I want to distract myself from it?

People come up with lots of different answers when I ask them this question. That it’s scary, or dangerous, or too terrible to contemplate, disgusting, and so on.

But here’s what I think it means when I want to distract myself: The chips aren’t down right now. I’m not in any immediate danger. That’s why I feel free to distract myself!

If a vicious dog came charging at me now, fur back, growling, preparing to rip me apart, how likely would I be to start singing a happy song? Not so likely! I wouldn't waste any time or energy on my thoughts. I’d be too busy looking for a fence to climb, or a stick I could use, or yelling for help. I’d be focused like a laser on protecting myself from that dog.

The urge to distract yourself is probably the most reliable signal you’ll ever get that the chips aren’t down, that you don’t need to struggle to protect yourself.

Be playful with your thoughts

What would be better than trying to distract yourself from a scary thought? Humoring that thought would be better. Any form of playing with that thought is likely to be more helpful than trying to distract yourself. For instance:

Source: Photo by Gustavo Fring from Pexels

• Translate that thought into a language you know poorly, or even Pig Lati.
• Make a song or poem out of the thought.
• Repeat the thought in a fake foreign accent.
• Exaggerate the thought to help you find the funny aspect.

Are you worried that this is too silly? That it doesn’t give your thought the respect it deserves?

If your thought points out a problem that exists now, and suggests something you can do to improve your situation, go ahead and do that.

But if you’re plagued by worrisome “what if” thoughts that don’t point to an actual, present problem that you can fix now, then these thoughts aren’t all that useful or necessary. These kinds of thoughts don't deserve that much respect. You can afford to play with them.

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