Self-Reward: The Power of Brief Utterances

The desire for external validation, along with external regulation of emotions, can make us feel like reactaholics—that is, controlled by the impressions and judgments of others. In contrast, self-reward is a powerful tool for personal growth, motivation, and emotional well-being.

Self-reward acknowledges our own efforts and accomplishments, regardless of how big or small. Unlike external rewards, which depend on the approval or recognition of others, self-reward draws upon self-awareness and self-compassion. It can help build resilience.

When we briefly reward ourselves for completing tasks, reaching goals, or making progress, we make it easier to sustain beneficial habits and overcome challenges. For example, I used to say to myself when I finished a post, “Thank God that’s over with," and immediately start another task. Once I started saying at the end of the post, “Great!” or “Way to go!” before starting another task, my productivity soared.

I make a point of sharing the power of self-reward with my clients. Those who practice it daily report greater self-efficacy (the ability to set goals and meet them) and increased self-value.

Internal validation is especially important in environments where praise is rare or success goes unnoticed. By learning to value our own work, we become less dependent on the approval of others and more connected to our own values. This promotes autonomy and strengthens identity, reducing the emotional toll of setbacks or criticism.

Please indulge another personal example. I run around a track at the local high school. Four laps equal my goal of running a mile. All through the second, third, and fourth laps, I’m congratulating myself for what I’ve just run. Not only do I feel better with my self-reward laps, but I’ve also considerably reduced my time for the entire mile.

Self-Reward vs. Burnout

Rushing from one task to another invites burnout. Two or three seconds of self-reward can chase away burnout as sure as cats chase mice.

If you get close to burnout or find your blood pressure and body tension increasing, self-reward can take the form of looking out the window, taking a walk, listening to music, or writing down one or two things you appreciate about your life, your family, or friends.

Boundaries of Self-Reward

Effective self-reward aligns with values, rather than escaping from them. In other words, drinking alcohol or procrastinating are forms of self-harm, not self-reward.

Self-reward is neither a luxury or an act of self-indulgence. It teaches us to acknowledge the steps we take as well as the destinations. By consciously acknowledging our efforts and progress, we empower ourselves to continue growing, even when the world is not watching.