Ambigamy

Insights for the deeply romantic and deeply skeptical

Jeremy E. Sherman Ph.D., MPP

A Simple Key to More Satisfying Conversations

Are you shooting the breeze, exploring, or debating? Guess wrong and someone will end up frustrated.

If Self-Help Starts Feeling Unhelpful Here's Why

There's wisdom in going through and getting beyond simple, pat, pop-psych solutions. Here's how to find it.

How People Psychologize Unwisely

Informing our confirmation bias with psychology can turn us into self-congratulatory psychologizers. Here's how and a tip for avoiding this unwise tendency.

How to Avoid Being Suckered Again

To learn from your past gullibilities, develop your suckered-prevention skills.

Stop Overestimating Narcissists and Gaslighters

Here's how to respond to their harmful habits.

Explaining the Narcissistic “Critical Thinkers" in Your Life

Critical thinking is crucial but very easily abused by narcissists and gaslighters.

A Simple Way to Decide Who to Trust

Second-guessing is doubting whether you walk your talk. Second-yessing is reassuring yourself that you do.

I'm a Conservative, I'm a Liberal, Just Like You

A longest-view perspective on political rationalization grounded in the very origins of life and how it changes for language-wielding self-rationalizing humans.

People Are Easily Addicted to Posing as Eternal Winners

Winning is much for fun than losing. Pretending to be a permanent winner is easier fun than trying to win through highs and lows of life.

How to Second-Guess Yourself Right

What exactly is second-guessing yourself? It's uncomfortable but eliminating it is very dangerous.

How to Keep Brats From Growing Up to Be Brats

How parents can prevent kids from regressing to bratty behavior.

You're Probably Misdiagnosing the "Narcissists" In Your Life

Narcissism is often a misdiagnosis. Here's a suggestion for what's really going on with implication for your personal life and the sweep of history.

Tired of Rising Only To Fall Yet Again?

Imagine a lift insurance policy that kept you up by preventing all disappointments. Well, it turns out there are a great many such policies on offer!

Someone Both Mindless and Heartless? That's No Coincidence.

We're all ignorant about lots of things. What, then, distinguishes "the ignorant?" And how do people end up being both ignorant and nasty?

How Your Ex Ended Up That Way

So many people conclude that their ex was a narcissist because they seemed self-obsessed, but what we see isn't necessarily what they've got.

Remote Communication Is Often Better Than Face-to-Face

We've all heard the laments about how, when working remotely, we lose the personal touch. Here we look at the ways it can refine the human touch.

Meta-Romancing: Feeling Heroic for Wishful Thinking

Faith in some ideal is romantic. Proud faith in the ideal is meta-romantic. It's a crucial difference, easily overlooked and dangerous to ignore.

These Days, You Need to Understand the Sunk Cost Fallacy

Deciding what to do next? The past is the best guide you've got—but only if you can learn from it and then leave it behind as you go forward.

Evil Genius as Mindless Robotic Behavior

Psychopaths, narcissists, gaslighters, and bullies can actually succeed with no strategic thought, maximizing the appearance of a winning streak at minimal cost.

Denialism: The Sheltering-In-Place That Could Get Us Killed

Sheltering-in-place is brave, tough, and smart. Sticking with business as usual can be done with bravado, but it's not brave, tough, or smart.

In Crisis, Pray to Nature Through Science

With the evidence of the past 500 years—the relative progress of religion and science—we should all begin to admit that we know what the real highest power is.

Conscience-Free, We Can Rationalize Anything and Seem Genius

Narcissists, psychopaths and gaslighters appear cleverer than they have to be. If you can rationalize anything you can confuse and beat mere mortals effortlessly.

Sure, You Crave Companionship But How Much Do You Want It?

Though it may feel dishonorable to step back and question how much to care, it can be much more dishonorable not to.

Being a Good Decision Maker Isn't the Same as Being Decisive

Don't assume that decisiveness is wise. When a decision isn't forced, it's often wisest to wait for the mud to settle and the water to clear.

The Spin Doctor's Hippocratic Oath

Making decisions calls for a different state of mind from the one you want once you've decided. Here's a strategy for managing that difference.

We Thought These Teachings Would Prevent Evil, but They Don't

Popular psychology and spirituality offer many teachings designed to discourage or prevent bad behavior. But do they? Not necessarily.

Distinguishing Strains of the Psychological Crown Virus

There's the threat of another crown-virus: People crowning themselves king, know-it-all rulers of reality. We're still learning how to diagnose that kind of infection accurately.

Bounded Self-Awareness

Bounded rationality is our limited deployment of reason. Bounded self-awareness is our limited capacity for self-awareness.

Are You a Doubter or a Ruler?

We're all dealing with dilemmas but some of us pretend we're not. Doubters are learners. Rulers pretend they've resolved all dilemmas with rules that they apply hypocritically.

Wising Up About the Hypocrisy in Popular Moral Principles

Most if not all moral principles are inherently hypocritical. There's wisdom in recognizing that this inherent hypocrisy means that they're really moral dilemmas in disguise.

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