What Do You Want in Old Age?

Traditionally, Hinduism structures life into four stages: learning, working, retiring, and renouncing all worldly obligations. Today, the fourth stage is practiced almost exclusively by the few who have devoted themselves to an ascetic life of being a monk. Historically, the schema was meant for males, but recently, the concepts have been extended to encompass females as well.

The third stage, that of retirement, has been given a modern spin of devoting oneself to selfless service, giving back to the community while deepening the spiritual life. A person is encouraged to live simply and with restraint. Life should no longer be about getting and accumulating but giving and shedding.

The traditional view is rapidly disappearing with urbanization and economic development. Without national programs to assist old people, in India today, the elderly are often left in dire straits, a far cry from the traditional approach of respect and care that eased the burdens of old age.

The dominant view of old age is far from the traditional (if idealized) view of the final stage as a time for spiritual development. Increasingly throughout the world, the stress is on productivity as long as one is able. For most, this means that old age is experienced as being a failure, cast aside, irrelevant. Partly in response to society’s emphasis on youthful vigor, rather than embracing aging as a natural part of the life cycle, for many the goal is agelessness, the illusion that a person isn’t aging at all, but “maintaining the self of one’s earlier years,” as pointed out by Sarah Lamb, a professor of humanistic studies at Brandeis University.

Aging isn’t viewed so much as a stage of life but a continuation of what one has done before. If one is lucky, retirement (if and when this becomes an option) offers the opportunity to follow new pursuits, discover new places, and develop new skills.

Being healthy in both mind and body is desirable, and the extent to which this is achievable for an old person depends on many factors, including race, gender, and socioeconomic status. One key to aging well is whether an individual has a negative or positive attitude towards old age. "When we see our future as a horizon, and one that is shortening, our goals shift away from money, power, accomplishments, influence. We focus more on emotions, on legacy, on not wasting time on things that might rob us of our emotional well-being," says Dawn Carr, director of the Pepper Institute on Aging and Public Policy.

As social creatures, we need to be with others. However, social isolation amongst the elderly is increasing worldwide. Although psychologists Archana Singh and Nishi Misra write about India, their comments have universal significance: “With advancing age, it is inevitable that people lose connection with their friendship networks and that they find it more difficult to initiate new friendships and to belong to new networks.”

There is an antidote to this aspect of the problem of isolation. One study conducted in the U.S. found that among recently widowed older adults, those who volunteered two or more hours a week experienced a decline in loneliness. This study is consistent with other research that shows that “Volunteering in late life is associated with health benefits such as reduced risk of hypertension, improved self-related health and well-being, delayed physical disability, enhanced cognition, and lower mortality.” This appears to hold regardless of an individual’s socioeconomic status.

Ultimately, we can’t control our lives. Death awaits us from the moment we are born. During the first two stages of life, we understand that fact as an abstraction as it applies to us personally, as we move through our daily routines suppressing the knowledge of our undoing. This is generally useful, as it gets us up in the morning, and helps us to be productive throughout the day.

But as our lives draw to a close, as we experience the deaths of those close to us, as our muscles weaken and our minds may wander more than we would like, there is also something to be gained from an acceptance of the final stage of life.

Growing older often presents serious challenges, some externally caused, such as physicians receiving too little training in the treatment of old people, and other challenges beyond our control, such as the inevitable biological deterioration. At the same time, being old can also be an opportunity to give to others—time, resources, wisdom—without an expectation of receiving anything in return; the chance to let go of the anxiety about being productive or being overly concerned about what others think of us; to appreciate what time is left and use it in a way that truly matters.

There is something to be learned about aging from Japanese aesthetics as well, and that is that there is a beauty that is revealed with age. This is the patina that objects acquire with time: a rock covered with moss, for example. From this it follows that being old can be a beauty of its own.

Old age may also bring us to a deeper understanding of life, as the ancient Hindu concept pointed to. This is a shift from productivity as conceived as material production and accumulation to something perhaps best defined as spiritual. At 80, I can never become a better basketball player, but I can become a better person.