Empaths Can Be Jerks Like Anyone Else

In an early episode of "Star Trek," entitled The Empath, Gem absorbs Captain Kirk’s injuries and takes them on herself. When Kirk is severely injured a second time, it is certain that if Gem attempts to cure him, she will die from transferring his wounds to herself.

When the 1968 episode aired, the word "empath," likely coined by J. T. McIntosh in 1956 in a science fiction story, was a rarity, and continued to be so until the end of the 20th century. Since then, it has gained quite a bit of currency. In 2017, Judith Orloff’s book, The Empath’s Survival Guide, made the New York Times' bestseller list, as did her book two years later, Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People.

Unlike the fictional Gem, whose abilities were akin to a combination of telepathy and laying on of hands, real-world empaths are mostly defined as acutely empathetic individuals who are able to discern the emotions and pains of another in an exceptionally sensitive way.

“Having empathy means our heart goes out to another person in joy or pain,” writes Orloff. “But for empaths, it goes much further. We actually feel others’ emotions, energy, and physical symptoms in our own bodies, without the usual defenses that most people have.”

The implication is that empaths can be victims of their sensitive natures as they assume another’s pain whether they want to or not. They can be overwhelmed by the hardship and suffering that permeate the human drama. Empaths may be victims of their own capacity.

Too much of anything is likely to be harmful—food, exercise, sex, company or solitude, even love. Being excessively tuned into others’ feelings can cloud sound judgment. This is why physicians shouldn’t treat their own families and teachers most often don't teach their own children.

Being very sensitive may make a person shrink from the world like someone with a bad sunburn: you can’t put your arms around them. (Researchers have also found a link between high intelligence and risk for psychological disorders, such as anxiety and depression.)

Ethics requires taking another’s interests seriously, and empathy is often the first step in this process. Empathy is metaphorically standing in another’s shoes, seeing the world through another’s eyes. Seeing through another's eyes is slightly more literal in psychology, as mirror neurons observing another in pain literally cause our own pain-sensitive part of the brain to become activated.

Although ethical behavior can be reached via reason (Immanuel Kant thought it was the only legitimate way), for most, empathy is a prerequisite of morality. But it isn’t morality itself.

Morality is about living a good life and how we relate to one another. Being finely tuned into another’s feelings can be used for compassionate behavior but can also be used to manipulate others. Con artists, unscrupulous salespeople, and demagogues are especially adept at reading another’s feelings.

If someone doesn’t feel another’s pain and is deficient in empathy, they may still be a moral person, having arrived at that position through reason alone. They could also, possibly, be psychopaths who are driven completely by self-interest.

Empathy, then, is like many other natural endowments. Someone with great natural musical ability may choose not to play an instrument; someone with mediocre talent may wind up a terrific musician. Having great empathy may or may not create a better person, just as having less of it doesn’t necessarily make someone a lesser human being. What makes the difference in someone’s character is a mixture of inner strength and attitude, plus a supportive and caring environment.