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Key points
- Older adults with negative attitudes toward aging tend to see loneliness and depression as something they just have to live with.
- They live smaller lives because that’s what they think is normal.
- If we encourage older adults to see themselves as active, essential members of society, they’ll be far healthier—and society will benefit.
Angela Alvarez won a Latin Grammy for best new artist when she was 95. She had her first concert at 91, which was chronicled in a documentary, "Miss Angela," which shows her emigration from Cuba, her years-long separation from her children and her husband, and her love of her homeland, her family, and music.
When she was a teenager, she told her dad she wanted to compose and perform music. No, he said, girls don't do that. So she kept her talent within the family, writing about her life—falling in love with her husband, leaving Cuba, her daughter’s marriage, gardening, and everyday life. She performed only at family functions, singing and accompanying herself on guitar. She never gave up and, in her tenth decade, her grandson, a composer himself, helped her collect, record, and perform the music she kept in folders all those years.
The lesson this offers about aging might seem straightforward, but aging is far more complex than that. For starters, most of us are not Angela Alvarez. That woman’s talent, energy, and passion are inspiring—literally full of spirit. But it also shows that opportunities can lurk in your future, no matter how many digits it takes.
Banish Those “I’m Old” Thoughts
It’s an important lesson for those of us some might consider to be elderly. Basically, stop thinking of yourself as elderly. If you have even a small portion of Alvarez’s spirit, rethink the whole concept of acting your age. That gets you old.
Attitude matters. The Ohio Longitudinal Study of Aging and Retirement (OLSAR) showed that people with positive images of aging live 7.5 years longer than their ageist friends. And they’re more likely to be healthier both mentally and physically, according to research published in the European Journal of Aging.
Conversely, older adults with negative attitudes toward aging tend to see loneliness and depression as something they just have to live with. Because of that, they’re less likely to try to get more socially engaged or seek medical help. They live smaller lives because that’s what they think is normal.
Factoring Age Into Your Life Equation
I’ve known for quite some time that I am statistically old. I just didn't think it mattered. My kids are making noises about being old themselves, so there’s no denying the reality. I’m 76 and I’m married to a man who is 84. My doctor keeps telling me I’m getting shorter.
Until recently, though, age didn't seem a major factor in our decision-making, at least not in an overt, we-are-doing-this-because-we-are-old way. We downsized to make it easier to travel and visit our far-flung kids. To us, it meant we could live a freer lifestyle. But then younger friends said, “I wish my parents would do that.” To them, then, we were at least partially defined by the decades we’ve been hanging around this planet.
Fair enough, I guess. But to us, it’s been more about what we’re doing now and what we plan to do next. And we don't see the “next” as all that confining.
I’ve had a setback lately, though, and I’m thinking less like Miss Angela than like Miss Old Crank. My husband had a stroke and now acts a bit like a person his age, with a slightly uneven gait and occasional memory lapses. Still, he walks 10,000 steps a day. And he bakes treats for our weekly book club meeting, is learning to weave, and wants to talk politics way more than his issues-exhausted wife. But the stroke made us factor age into our life equation more than before.
Things could happen.
Countering Negative Thinking
We talk about moving to another state If the politics of our state strangle us but wonder if that makes sense at our age. Before the stroke, age would not have been an issue. Now it’s there. The doubt.
I’ve found myself talking about my age more than usual, and I notice my younger friends’ reactions when I mention it: primarily discomfort, as if I just said I was constipated. Aging, actually, is worse. At least you get over constipation.
It’s an uncomfortable subject because Americans see aging as scary. Those of us in the midst of it can do a great service to ourselves and others by working to change the conversation. Talk more about what you’ve done, about how enjoyable it was, and you’ll brighten your own outlook and that of those around you. I post photos on Facebook of my daily walks, and get tons of positive feedback from friends, which encourages me to walk and to see my surroundings, all things that help my mindset and my mind.
We talk a great deal about the self-image of our young people, especially young women. And we should. We should, however, also talk about the self-image of those of us at the other end of the spectrum. If we encourage older adults to see themselves as active, essential members of society, people to engage with rather than discount, we’ll have far healthier and happier senior citizens, which can take a huge social and financial burden off our collective shoulders.
The self-perception of the wise and the wrinkled matters. Aging is a fact, but it doesn't need to be The Fact that manages our lives. People like me need to stop calling ourselves old. We’re well-seasoned, even a little spicy. A little like Miss Angela.
I wonder if I’m too old to learn to play the guitar.
