The Curious Couple's Guide to Strap-On Dildos

Some couples find strap-on play exciting and intimacy-enhancing.

Posted Aug 15, 2014

Mention strap-ons and most people flash on girl-girl porn. The actress wearing the harness revels in having a pretend penis and using it for intercourse. Many lesbians enjoy strap-on play, but if you’re inclined to play that way, strap-on sex can be fun for anyone. Strap-ons can add novelty, excitement, playfulness—and deeper intimacy—to any interested couple’s relationship.

What’s a Strap-On?

It’s a sex toy ensemble that includes a harness worn around the waist or hips and a special dildo that fits into it. Strap-ons give women artificial penises right where one should hang, or they give men an extra penis, one that may be firmer and more cooperative than their real one.

Why Strap-Ons Can Be a Turn-On

Why fuss with a harness? Why not just use a regular dildo and guide it? That’s what most dildo users do. But strap-on sex offers a different experience, one that produces a unique erotic connection, and possibly deeper intimacy:

  • Strap-ons free the hands and allows dildo play to be complemented by two-handed caresses.
  • Strap-ons invite gender-bending. Women can play at being men, thrusting their hips during intercourse.
  • Strap-ons allow men to play at having more than they were born with. Using a small dildo, men feel larger by comparison. Using a larger one, men can fantasize that they’re super-endowed porn stars. (Men who have firm erections may need to make adjustments.)
  • In addition, having two penises opens the possibility of double penetration—one in the woman’s vagina, the other in the anus, assuming she’s open to that.
  • Strap-ons can also help men compensate for erection problems, providing a way for the couple to experience intercourse.
  • Strap-ons provide a unique visual treat that some lovers find exciting, an invitation to let go and get a little wild.
  • Finally, strap-ons can deepen intimacy. Many couples don’t talk much about their lovemaking. They just do it.

Because strap-on sex expands erotic possibilities and encourages sexual experimentation, couples need to discuss how they want to proceed. Strap-ons encourage lovers to communicate more openly about sex, discussions that many couples find arousing and intimacy-enhancing.

Some curious hetero couples feel reluctant to experiment with the woman wearing the strap-on because of two myths:

Myth: Men who enjoy being anally entered by women with strap-ons are gay.

Truth: Not at all. Gay men enjoy kissing. Is kissing gay? Sexual orientation is all about the gender you want your lover to be. It has nothing to do with what lovers do in bed. Some gay men enjoy recipient anal play. Others don’t. Many 100 percent of heterosexual men enjoy having their anuses massaged, fingered, and entered by butt plugs and/or dildos, including strap-ons. Heterosexual men who enjoy recipient strap-on play are not gay. They’re heterosexuals who enjoy receptive anal sex.

Myth: Women who enter men anally with strap-ons secretly want to be men.

Truth: Nonsense. A century ago, women who wore pants were accused of harboring unconscious desires to be men. Now we know that slacks are just another form of clothing and that wearing them carries no psychological implications. The same goes for strap-on play. Part of the allure for some women involves the opportunity to play at being “male.” But for others, strap-ons carry no gender-bending implications, just exciting erotic possibilities.