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I'm not trying to brag...but, a talented tongue on the clitoris is everything. A man who doesn't enjoy oral sex yet insists it, should be left immediately.
Happy, with Mr. perfect after so many years without orgasms.
Only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse.
This bears repeating: Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse—no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man's penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship.
This statistic comes not from just one study but from a comprehensive analysis of 33 studies over the past 80 years by Elisabeth Lloyd in her fascinating book The Case of the Female Orgasm (Harvard University Press).
Rounding things out: About half of women sometimes have orgasms during intercourse. About 20 percent seldom or ever have orgasms during intercourse. And about 5 percent never have orgasms, period.
In other words, intercourse is not the key to most women's sexual satisfaction.
Now I'm not knocking intercourse. It's central to reproductive sex. If it's well lubricated and men don't plunge in before women feel ready, it can be great fun. And it makes many lovers feel deeply connected. But contrary to what many men and women believe, and see endlessly in porn, intercourse is not the essence of lovemaking.
This statistic has several important implications:
- It's perfectly normal for women not to have orgasms during intercourse. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. They don't get it during intercourse because the clitoris is located outside the vagina and a few inches above it under the top junction of the vaginal lips. Intercourse simply does not provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to allow most women to become aroused enough to have orgasms. "Intercourse is okay," says New York City sex educator Betty Dodson, Ph.D. "But I much prefer a talented tongue on my clitoris."
- Penis size doesn't matter to most women's sexual satisfaction. If only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during intercourse, then for most women, penis size doesn't matter. The fact is, any size penis can provide great pleasure to the man it's attached to. But the key to most women's erotic pleasure comes not from the penis and intercourse, but from direct clitoral stimulation, using the fingers, palm, tongue, or sex toys.
- Lasting a long time during intercourse may not matter as much as many (most?) men think it does. Why do men want to last all night? In part, because they believe it's more pleasurable for women. Many women do, indeed, enjoy extended intercourse, whether or not they experience orgasm. But only one-quarter are consistently orgasmic during it no matter how long the man lasts.
- Finally, because so few women are consistently orgasmic during intercourse, it's fine to have sex without intercourse. This is especially true for couples over 40. With age, men's erection capacity declines, and menopausal changes often make intercourse uncomfortable for women, even with a lubricant. Many older couples decide they prefer sex without intercourse. Younger lovers might also consider this erotic alternative.
Uhm, ...
Submitted by Martian Bachelor on April 16, 2009 - 6:59am
You might be surprised at the percentage of women who have no (or little) interest in receiving oral sex, and/or would even actively avoid/discourage it.
Unlike the case with most biological characteristics, compared to human males, human females are incredibly varied in their sexual characteristics. (Almost invariably it is the males who show the greatest variability.) It is not quite true that no two women are the same, but evolution suggests reasons for why females gain an advantage by confusing men (which they do by being different). It's not men's fault that women do this.
True, some women don't like oral
Submitted by Michael Castleman M.A. on April 16, 2009 - 1:38pm
In surveys, the large majority say they do, and many women say they prefer oral to intercourse because it is so much more likely to help them to orgasm. But some women don't like cunnilingus, and that preference should be respected.
As per my mind she is not
Submitted by sachin ghadage patil on November 27, 2012 - 11:55pm
As per my mind she is not give proper oral stimulation by his partner This is one of best thing
My wife and I had a great sex
Submitted by Anonymous on August 8, 2020 - 4:19am
My wife and I had a great sex life that just seemed to hit a brick wall about five years ago. She didn’t complain but one day we were trying to remember the last time we had sex. Was having unreliable and short duration erections. I started with some magic help. So happy I googled "getmed4ed" and got it. Hard for approximately 30 minutes a session always ending in sensational climaxes. Have increased frequency of intercourse to about 5 day intervals (34 times over the past 6 months !).
As per my mind she is not
Submitted by sachin ghadage patil on November 27, 2012 - 11:57pm
As per my mind she is not give proper oral stimulation by his partner This is one of best thing
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It feels nice but doesn't get
Submitted by Hapto on April 21, 2009 - 1:57pm
It feels nice but doesn't get me there without some penetration. Even if it is for hours, and by sensitive and inventive individuals.
Actually making ANY assumption about what a woman likes, without asking her, be it a huge dick, or a good tongue, or a lil' essin em is making a HUGE mistake... even if "science" backs any of these assumptions up.
Vaginal orgasms
Submitted by Nico on April 12, 2016 - 8:55am
What a lot of nonsense, orgasms are a mental phenomenon, It is very easy for me to give a woman vaginal penetration orgasms through intercourse, I first make them highly orgasmic with erotic hypnosis, After one or 3 sessions depending if the woman is already orgasmic or suffers from anorgasmia (meaning she feels nothing with intercourse and can not orgasm from it). she wil experience strong multiple vaginal penetration orgasms wit out clitoral stimulation. And from then on they allways want to get fucked. And also from then on she is no more clit dependend to achieve massive orgasms.
Gimme orgasmic hypnosis plz
Submitted by Panties on June 4, 2016 - 10:24am
Omg what is the hypnosis you use? And do they orgasming just listening to it alone, from just listening while listening? Or does it open them up prior to sex?
Vaginal orgasms
Submitted by Nico on June 4, 2016 - 2:08pm
Hi panties,
There are a lot of possibilities with erotic hypnosis.
Healing low libido or any sexual disfunction, such as anorgasmia (not reaching orgasms by intercourse) And many other disfunctions.
Increasing your sexual pleasure with your partner such as (Making orgasms stronger/longer/very powerful). And many other possibilities.
Mutliple Orgasms for women outside the bedroom and inside the bedroom.
And a lot of other options.
Hypnosis for orgasms
Submitted by Panties on June 4, 2016 - 5:24pm
Hi Nico!
That sounds amazing!
I don't have trouble with orgasms at all, I can have up to 3 big ones back to back. I'm a virgin and even have Multiple orgasms holding in my pee!
But I also want to get the best experience overall, and always wanted to experience an orgasm from just listening or reading or thinking. It happened once to me while sitting down without much help at all bc I was heavily flirting with someone online. I still want even better than that lol
So could I have orgasms outside the bedroom with just the thoughts/hypnosis in my head? Where can I get the hypnosis? I've seen ones on YouTube, do they work?
Thanks so much for answering :)
Vaginal orgasms
Submitted by Nico on June 5, 2016 - 7:05am
Hi Panties.
If you can give me a contact adress i can send you some details.
Lame
Submitted by Satellite on July 12, 2020 - 10:52am
You seem like you really need to prove something. You have some very nice partners who don't want to hurt your feelings, lol. That's all.
multiples w/out hypnosis
Submitted by Jenny on December 18, 2017 - 6:13am
I love everything about sex no hypnosis on me. I seem to have many multiple orgasms while on top because I love my nipples being sucked, nibbled on & played with. Although the biggest thick 9”dick I had a harder time having multiples through intercourse. I just screamed really loud instead.
Thanks
Submitted by Happy Teachers Day 2016 on August 9, 2016 - 9:13am
Hello, Thanks for sharing helpful information.
https://www.happyteachersday2016.live/
I wanna have sex right away.
Submitted by ANGEL STARR on September 1, 2016 - 5:03pm
I would love to have sex with a guy with a big cock if you are available to make me cum I wanna cum right away but I can't have sex because I m not married that's why I can't have sex by myself can I I gotta have sex with a guy
translation correction " cock " , in Persian or Farsi
Submitted by iraj on June 9, 2017 - 7:08pm
Anonymous wrote:I would love to have sex with a guy with a big cock .
if you are available to make me cum I wanna cum right away but I can't have sex because I m not married that's why I can't have sex by myself can I I gotta have sex with a guy
*****In Persian the male penis " kir کیر " or
" Alat آلت " they say. However, automatic translation, rooster , a translation that is nonsense.
So in translation rather than " خروس " comment : " آلت "
It's not bragging. You're a lucky gal.
Submitted by Michael Castleman M.A. on March 19, 2009 - 12:44am
Glad you finally found a man who knows how to use his tongue.
Sex after 40
Submitted by Anonymous on March 22, 2009 - 1:11pm
Contrary to the belief that sex declines after 40 and is less enjoyable for women after menopause, I would like to counter this belief. My sex life became much better after 40 and is still going strong at 62. Why, you might ask? Because I practice Taoist sexual practices and disregard the Western ideas. If you are interested look up Taoist sexual practices on-line or get a copy of Empty Vessel. Great sex can be enjoyed well into the 70s and 80s.
sex over 60
Submitted by Alex on June 20, 2016 - 5:59pm
Anonymous wrote:Contrary to the belief that sex declines after 40 and is less enjoyable for women after menopause, I would like to counter this belief. My sex life became much better after 40 and is still going strong at 62.
I second this! I am a male over 60, and my sex life has NEVER been better! Thanks to having a very open, loving and highly sexual companion I experience the hardest erections and the most intense orgasms I have ever had, including when I was in my twenties.
The secret is to find someone LIKE-MINDED - a sex partner who enjoys the same things that you do, no matter what things they are. Explore together, discover together, and take each other to new heights of pleasure and enjoyment. THIS is the secret to good sex and a healthy love life.
I'm over 60 - and I disagree
Submitted by Neo on October 17, 2019 - 1:20am
I have ED. I was doing OK until my partner had to move for medical reasons. then I was unable to do a thing. I'm OK with doing other things to provide pleasure, but my partner has lost interest due to a preference for PIV sex. All we do now is cuddle, because she refuses to allow any other form of sex.
I settle for this, because it's better than doing without completely. At least I still have many good memories.
I find it very interesting
Submitted by Megan on March 26, 2009 - 1:25am
I find it very interesting that you so quickly wrote off intercourse just because women do not consistently achieve orgasm during the act. This does not mean that the experience is not a pleasurable one, simply that it is not the correct type of stimulation to cause orgasm. There is a lot more to sex than just orgasm. I can't help but wonder if that is result of a societal focus on achieving orgasm. (Also a very male centered view, I might add.)
My intention is not to critisize, merely stating an observation I made, and found rather interesting.
I didn't mean to "write off" intercourse
Submitted by Michael Castleman on March 26, 2009 - 1:07pm
Intercourse can be be marvelous, assuming that the woman feels erotically ready for it and is well-lubricated, and that the man embraces a slow, sensual rhythm very different from the pounding piston action typically depicted in porn. My point is that to many (most?) people, "sex" means intercourse. It's considered the main event. Everything else is "foreplay," what comes before the real deal. But if intercourse is the main event, then it should satisfy both lovers. But it doesn't satisfy most women. Now your point is well taken: There's more to lovemaking than orgasm. True. But many (most?) lovers, want an orgasm when they make love. Too many men assume that women have them during intercourse. And sadly, too many women remain unsatisfied because of our intercourse-centric view of sex. If you're happy with sex sans orgasm, fine. But for those who want their lovemaking to include orgasm for the women, intercourse should be viewed as only one course of the banquet.
"write off" intercourse
Submitted by Anonymous on May 5, 2010 - 3:51am
I don't mind sharing the fact that my husband of 8 years can't satisfy me. He "gets his", I'm left hanging, & I wait for him to go to sleep so I can go into the next room & take care of myself.I'm only 42, I don't want a divorce nor do I wish to fool around.
That is pretty sad I feel for
Submitted by Anonymous on February 2, 2012 - 11:59pm
That is pretty sad I feel for you Love...
that is pretty sad ~ I feel
Submitted by Anonymous on February 3, 2012 - 12:01am
that is pretty sad ~ I feel for you love !!!
sad, sad, sad
Submitted by Anonymous on February 3, 2012 - 12:03am
that is pretty sad ~ I feel for you love .!!.
D
Submitted by Anonymous on June 24, 2013 - 5:40pm
DO you discuss this with your husband, surely you to get some knowledge about how you both can leave the experience satisfied
I must object
Submitted by Anonymous on June 20, 2013 - 10:37am
Your post seems to assume that women need orgasm to be satisfied. Also, saying that "intercourse can be marvelous, assuming that the woman...is well-lubricated, and that the man embraces a slow erotic rhythm..." is another assumption that I am sure that you couldn't possibly know since you are 1) not female and 2) don't seem to understand that women vary widely with their wants and needs and that scientific results don't seem to reflect that.
What about women who do not like their clitoris being stimulated directly? Are they wrong to have an intercourse-centric view of sex? Are they brainwashed?
Articles like these just make us feel abnormal. I know that doesn't matter when it comes to science, but perhaps that is why no one wants to accept this.
Plus, size does matter to some of us... I just don't think you are in a position to tell us what we like, honestly. Science or no science...
I agree
Submitted by Red on November 4, 2019 - 8:55am
Castleman comes across as a condescending mansplainer who loves to tell women, not ask them, what they like best and refuses to acknowledge that different individuals are different. Some women find clitoral stimulation painful, I’ve heard!
Condescending?
Submitted by Michael Castleman M.A. on November 4, 2019 - 1:46pm
Hardly. I just report what's in the medical/sexological research literature. Of course there are individual differences. I've never said otherwise. Just look at all the comments. Some women can come during intercourse. Other's can't. But our culture tells women they "should" climax during intercourse, when in fact, most rarely or never do. That's not condescending. It's the truth. For women who feel inadequate because they can't come during intercourse, I hope they find my post not condescending, but reassuring.
Agreeing with Megan
Submitted by Razzel on January 24, 2016 - 11:51am
Yes, it is very frustrating when my significant other complains about his penis size, claiming that he is small and others can pleasure me better. Despite me constantly telling him that he does pleasure me (and actually better than any one that could be seen as "well endowed"), he still continues to stress over this. It's incredibly frustrating, I will say it again. What is more frustrating is the societal pressures that morphs people's minds into thinking this way and all of the low self esteem these thoughts are getting driven into people's head. Sex should be used to connect and get closer to eachother. I really can't stand the superficialness in the way sex is seen. Especially, because I don't view it that way at all and now I am stuck with a man that is perfect for me but feels so insignificant and is so insecure from biases that I have to waste my mental space in trying to console him.
The best ever
Submitted by terry K on June 5, 2009 - 7:42am
I am a 37 year old woman who has never been married.Three marriage proposals,5 very long term relationships,and a handful of one nighters-I have come to this conclusion:It has NOTHING to do with a mans penis size or physique.It come down to chemistry.THe best sex I EVER had was with a guy who was about 5'10" 200lbs decent body and by my surprise-about a 4.5 inch penis.THis guy played my body like angel on a harp.It was masterfull and the kicker-I had 3 orgasms and none of them thru intercourse.Never had one prior with ANYONE else.I fell in love and we are getting married after a year of dating and amaizing sex.
Congratulations...
Submitted by Michael Castleman on June 5, 2009 - 1:57pm
...on your upcoming wedding. May all your dreams come true. Sounds like they already have.
sex
Submitted by sachin ghadage patil on November 27, 2012 - 10:51pm
As per Our Experience Every Women Should Have to Take the Experienced of oral sex
it's not and act, it's an art
Submitted by Sanden on June 15, 2009 - 10:12pm
Everyone is unique when it comes to the relationship with their own body. If she is comfortable and confident in her sexuality then in general it takes fewer steps for a man to bring her to point of an orgasm. If she is not – it really doesn’t matter what he does or is equipped with, it’s NOT going to happen. I think if men took sex with a mindset of an “empty canvass” approach other then “command and conquer” these stats would change significantly. Because we all are so different it takes a listening ear (or hand) to learn what the other is saying (by words or jesters). It also takes patience regardless if it’s a long term relationship or a one night stand. Foreplay is such a misunderstood term; in my eyes it means everything but intercourse; everything! A woman can climax without a man even touching her genitalia. It’s amazing what people can do if they just use their imagination. The human body is an amazing canvas; I think there are just too many men painting by numbers these days.
Long lasting sex
Submitted by Python71 on July 3, 2009 - 9:30pm
"I'm not trying to brag...but,
Submitted by Anonymous on March 18, 2009 - 9:37pm.
I'm not trying to brag...but, a talented tongue on the clitoris is everything. A man who doesn't enjoy oral sex yet insists it, should be left immediately.
Happy, with Mr. perfect after so many years without orgasms."
That is the copy of first post. I will touch on her post but not do direct reply on it.
I always go for 69 position. 9 out of 10 times I can get her to climax. I use my tongue and fingers to get her off. Blow jobs take too long to make me cumm. So how long does it take for me? Paid escorts- fastest was like 15 minutes mish me on top. Latest one was 2 hrs fun. She had O'ed once on mish, and about 4 times doggie with multiple O's also. I finally climaxed about 20 minutes before the hour was up and it was right after her O and vaginal contractions. I found out over the years of delayed ejaculation was training along the lines of tantra sex and male orgasms.
Yes a woman can have an orgasm, its up to her for when, where, how. I know I can give her one before she gives me one.
Congrats. You are a rapist
Submitted by Xiao Mao on January 5, 2016 - 12:56am
Congrats. You are a rapist and a John, and you talk like one. You are repulsive. I hope you get what you deserve.
Rapist?
Submitted by Yoel on August 31, 2016 - 4:28am
What mental gymnastics did you have to perform to declare he's a rapist? That's a very strong accusation.
You Are A Rapist
Submitted by Bibiana on October 20, 2016 - 12:58am
Why did you think he is a rapist? All the acts he described were by consenting adults. Nobody was forced to do anything that I could see.
Orgasm
Submitted by hotgirl on October 14, 2009 - 4:04am
I agree that 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse. But, not all women can perform orgasmic reactiona I'm one of them actually..lol
intercourse vs. outercourse
Submitted by Anonymous on October 14, 2009 - 10:01pm
Most sex advice for seniors seems to be written for senior women who are happy with "cuddling etc." and outercourse. However, there must be some who are like me. I know that it is difficult for me to become excited by cunnilingus or to come that way. My anatomy seems to have its best wiring internally. I've never had that much sensation on the outer genitalia. Then there is the issue that during cunnilingus I feel isolated, distanced, like an astronaut who's calling into Houston. Also, getting a climax by mouth or hand (or by myself) just doesn't satisfy, somehow. It can be a rattling good get-off, but I do feel as if I haven't been made love to, really. I am lucky to have had a lover, possibly soon a fiance, with whom I have great chemistry -- but he does not want to try a drug, see a specialist or counselor, perhaps for lack of confidence (lifelong PE, and decades long ED). I try not to think of him as selfish and lazy, nor am I so besotted that I don't wonder, why doesn't he want it for himself? Isn't something odd that he is fulfilled by my oral attentions to him? When I tell him lack of penetration makes me sad, he seems genuinely baffled as his previous lovers have been delighted with his oral talents and willingness to use them, his great style in kissing, hours cuddling etc. This is coming between us and ruining our relationship. For me, at least. He just keeps on with his habitual routine. I feel enormous frustration and sadness, that he doesn't desire real intercourse. Maybe some women are just wired up differently? Whatever, excepting classic Asian philosophy, emphasizing the male-female union, we are really marginalized by contemporary self-help literature. I protest!
I sympathize....
Submitted by Michael Castleman on October 14, 2009 - 11:21pm
Your post is eloquent and heart-rending. You are who you are, and if oral sex doesn't do much for you, that's fine. You are who you are and should not have to apologize. But who you are is different from many (most?) other women, which seems to be why your boyfriend is baffled. I urge the two of you to consult a sex therapist. I'm confident that with a half-dozen sessions, a sex therapist could (1) help your man see your point of view, and (2) help the two of you work out a sexual repertoire that works for both of you. To find a sex therapist near you, visit www.aasect.org, the American Assoc. of Sex Educators, Counselors,and Therapists or www.sstarnet.org, the Society for Sex Therapy and Research. With a little help, I'm confident you can have the sex life you want.
Orgasm
Submitted by karen23 on October 23, 2009 - 3:05am
Hi Micheal., How are you? You know what I like the way you express your thoughts about this topic because you really know what women can make our sexual satisfaction. You have a point there that most women like me, don't have orgasm during intercourse, it is more likely direct clitoral stimulation. I hope I herd some feed backs from you.. Thanks for a very good information. Take care..
And thank you...
Submitted by Michael Castleman on October 23, 2009 - 1:37pm
...for your kind words.
hi
Submitted by karen23 on October 25, 2009 - 9:32pm
Your welcome Micheal.. I really like all of your posts, it's very informative and you I can learn a lot of knowledge.. By the way Micheal, would you mind if I can put an anchor text that links to our site?
Link
Submitted by Michael Castleman on October 27, 2009 - 10:09am
Sure. By all means. I'm flattered.
mc
It's about SEXUAL SATISFACTION
Submitted by Pam Babbitt on November 10, 2009 - 11:45am
Thanks so much, Michael, for bringing this to light. Yes, women can enjoy sexual satisfaction without having an orgasm. I almost said 'reaching orgasm' but implies that orgasm is something to strive for. Not so, orgasms are to be 'allowed.' If they happen - great. If they don't happen - great.
Performance anxiety is an epidemic in our country, for women also. Most men need to 'give' their partners an orgasm, as that is the sexual gold star or blue ribbon.
So what happens on those days that she is just not orgasmic: She feels guilty because she knows he is trying so hard, and that he really needs to 'succeed' here. So, she starts to consider 'faking it.' Want to know more? Check out my article "The Responsibility of Orgasms" http://www.sexcoaching.com/SexOrgs1.php
Pam Babbitt, Editor
SexCoaching.com
Sex & Relationship Coach
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