The Most Important Sexual Statistic

I'm not trying to brag...but, a talented tongue on the clitoris is everything. A man who doesn't enjoy oral sex yet insists it, should be left immediately.

Happy, with Mr. perfect after so many years without orgasms.

Contrary to the belief that sex declines after 40 and is less enjoyable for women after menopause, I would like to counter this belief. My sex life became much better after 40 and is still going strong at 62. Why, you might ask? Because I practice Taoist sexual practices and disregard the Western ideas. If you are interested look up Taoist sexual practices on-line or get a copy of Empty Vessel. Great sex can be enjoyed well into the 70s and 80s.

I find it very interesting that you so quickly wrote off intercourse just because women do not consistently achieve orgasm during the act. This does not mean that the experience is not a pleasurable one, simply that it is not the correct type of stimulation to cause orgasm. There is a lot more to sex than just orgasm. I can't help but wonder if that is result of a societal focus on achieving orgasm. (Also a very male centered view, I might add.)

My intention is not to critisize, merely stating an observation I made, and found rather interesting.

I am a 37 year old woman who has never been married.Three marriage proposals,5 very long term relationships,and a handful of one nighters-I have come to this conclusion:It has NOTHING to do with a mans penis size or physique.It come down to chemistry.THe best sex I EVER had was with a guy who was about 5'10" 200lbs decent body and by my surprise-about a 4.5 inch penis.THis guy played my body like angel on a harp.It was masterfull and the kicker-I had 3 orgasms and none of them thru intercourse.Never had one prior with ANYONE else.I fell in love and we are getting married after a year of dating and amaizing sex.

Everyone is unique when it comes to the relationship with their own body. If she is comfortable and confident in her sexuality then in general it takes fewer steps for a man to bring her to point of an orgasm. If she is not – it really doesn’t matter what he does or is equipped with, it’s NOT going to happen. I think if men took sex with a mindset of an “empty canvass” approach other then “command and conquer” these stats would change significantly. Because we all are so different it takes a listening ear (or hand) to learn what the other is saying (by words or jesters). It also takes patience regardless if it’s a long term relationship or a one night stand. Foreplay is such a misunderstood term; in my eyes it means everything but intercourse; everything! A woman can climax without a man even touching her genitalia. It’s amazing what people can do if they just use their imagination. The human body is an amazing canvas; I think there are just too many men painting by numbers these days.

"I'm not trying to brag...but,
Submitted by Anonymous on March 18, 2009 - 9:37pm.

I'm not trying to brag...but, a talented tongue on the clitoris is everything. A man who doesn't enjoy oral sex yet insists it, should be left immediately.

Happy, with Mr. perfect after so many years without orgasms."

That is the copy of first post. I will touch on her post but not do direct reply on it.

I always go for 69 position. 9 out of 10 times I can get her to climax. I use my tongue and fingers to get her off. Blow jobs take too long to make me cumm. So how long does it take for me? Paid escorts- fastest was like 15 minutes mish me on top. Latest one was 2 hrs fun. She had O'ed once on mish, and about 4 times doggie with multiple O's also. I finally climaxed about 20 minutes before the hour was up and it was right after her O and vaginal contractions. I found out over the years of delayed ejaculation was training along the lines of tantra sex and male orgasms.
Yes a woman can have an orgasm, its up to her for when, where, how. I know I can give her one before she gives me one.

I agree that 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse. But, not all women can perform orgasmic reactiona I'm one of them actually..lol

Most sex advice for seniors seems to be written for senior women who are happy with "cuddling etc." and outercourse. However, there must be some who are like me. I know that it is difficult for me to become excited by cunnilingus or to come that way. My anatomy seems to have its best wiring internally. I've never had that much sensation on the outer genitalia. Then there is the issue that during cunnilingus I feel isolated, distanced, like an astronaut who's calling into Houston. Also, getting a climax by mouth or hand (or by myself) just doesn't satisfy, somehow. It can be a rattling good get-off, but I do feel as if I haven't been made love to, really. I am lucky to have had a lover, possibly soon a fiance, with whom I have great chemistry -- but he does not want to try a drug, see a specialist or counselor, perhaps for lack of confidence (lifelong PE, and decades long ED). I try not to think of him as selfish and lazy, nor am I so besotted that I don't wonder, why doesn't he want it for himself? Isn't something odd that he is fulfilled by my oral attentions to him? When I tell him lack of penetration makes me sad, he seems genuinely baffled as his previous lovers have been delighted with his oral talents and willingness to use them, his great style in kissing, hours cuddling etc. This is coming between us and ruining our relationship. For me, at least. He just keeps on with his habitual routine. I feel enormous frustration and sadness, that he doesn't desire real intercourse. Maybe some women are just wired up differently? Whatever, excepting classic Asian philosophy, emphasizing the male-female union, we are really marginalized by contemporary self-help literature. I protest!

Hi Micheal., How are you? You know what I like the way you express your thoughts about this topic because you really know what women can make our sexual satisfaction. You have a point there that most women like me, don't have orgasm during intercourse, it is more likely direct clitoral stimulation. I hope I herd some feed backs from you.. Thanks for a very good information. Take care..

Your welcome Micheal.. I really like all of your posts, it's very informative and you I can learn a lot of knowledge.. By the way Micheal, would you mind if I can put an anchor text that links to our site?

Thanks so much, Michael, for bringing this to light. Yes, women can enjoy sexual satisfaction without having an orgasm. I almost said 'reaching orgasm' but implies that orgasm is something to strive for. Not so, orgasms are to be 'allowed.' If they happen - great. If they don't happen - great.

Performance anxiety is an epidemic in our country, for women also. Most men need to 'give' their partners an orgasm, as that is the sexual gold star or blue ribbon.

So what happens on those days that she is just not orgasmic: She feels guilty because she knows he is trying so hard, and that he really needs to 'succeed' here. So, she starts to consider 'faking it.' Want to know more? Check out my article "The Responsibility of Orgasms" http://www.sexcoaching.com/SexOrgs1.php

Pam Babbitt, Editor
SexCoaching.com
Sex & Relationship Coach

After many years of marriage and fairly conventional, yet pleasurable sex, I sensed and my wife revealed that penetration was becoming more difficult, bordering on painful. Unwilling to give up, we explored "other," forms of sex, particularly oral. We both found pleasure in each others mouth, as you might expect. But, remarkably I found a secret pleasure slowly bringing my wife to climax, up close and personal, without the need to perform or to fight off orgasim. Once, I actually ejaculated, by accident, all over her face, as I lost control during her climax. We couldn't stop laughing - it was a scene from some juvenile porn flick.

We know we are lucky, having built trust over the years. But, if you have a quiet Friday night coming up - and you trust your wife - offer to pleasure her while she sits reading her favorite, or soon to be favorite erotic novel (We found the SONY reader stays open and turns pages better than a book or magazine - just keep it dry). Who knows what she might come up with in appreciation. I thought the heals a nice touch, but that is another story for Psychology Today. I'm not sure she knows how much I enjoy the artistry in giving her pleasure.

Dr. Phil ; my name is Mark Perk( I am in your viewer comments somewhere for our story) i saw your show on march 17, 2010 about the horrendous case of a small child raped by someone who was on the sex offender registry and the extensive damage he inflicted on the family and the whole tragic issue of sexual predators.

I am on the sex offender registry for having a consensual relationship with my now wife, in 1998.We now have two beautiful children.There is an answer to the question ",why cant the police watch these guys and prevent future horrors."?
The answer is not what people want to hear as this subject is driven by hysteria and knee jerk legislation to appease a roman colliseum, mob type mentality.

There are thousands and thousands of consensual,statutory cases on the sex offender registry in each state,Plus juvenille cases(19 year olds with 15 year olds) ,public nudity,exposure,prostitution,indecent behavior,public peeing etc.

There simply are not enough police to monitor all these cases. Because the states wont interject risk assessment hearings, all sex offender registrants are lumped together and there simply isnt enough police power to monitor all registrants,nor should they.!!!!!!!!
I have been on television numerous times on this subject. I know what i did is socially taboo and illegal, yet i am not a threat to children or women.To put me next to a child rapist on this list, is like putting a casual marijuanna smoker ,caught with a bag, in the same arena s a meth lab gangster!!!!!!!.

List of police time waisted on my case:
:ive been on this list for 11 plus years,ive had 100 plus probation appointments,40 plus home checks,done over 17 police station check ins,police monitoring our home frequently,pulled over (with my wife,both of us in cuffs)11 plus times etc.Stickers on our home on Halloween,lost 6 jobs,various acts of vigilantism etc.

We have had DCFS called on us 3 times by an anonynous neighbor because im on the list and have had numerous threatening calls to our home. Addittionally we have had to call the Crestwood Police and bother them numerous times because of suspicious cars in front of our home, snapping pictures,gawking etc.All this police time for one consensual case ,AND WE ARE MARRIED .!!!!
( We were married by the same judge who gave me the original misdimeanor,who did not consider me a threat!!! He later helped seal our case to "protect this family and the children" )

If the public is wondering why law enforcement cant even stop violent registered offenders from re-offending,the answer is that these predators are like a pin hiding in a haystack.The haystack is thousands of non violent cases like mine, that would be removed immediately if risk assessment was employed.

No media figure has the courage to tell it straight: time to weed out the predators from the registrants who simply broke the law. Then the police can triple their time up on monitoring violent offenders.( Its not the police who make these laws its the congressional and Governor wannabes,who want to appear to look "tough on crime.",yet have no clue of the ramifications of their legilation on families nor care.)

Its always the same pattern, the media likes to cry wolf,get the public excited (for sensationalism)and then the lawmakers legislate an already blotted system ,while the real predators know this and use it in their hunting techniques as camoflague.
my name is Mark Perk, l Google in" Lets seperate the Misguided from the monsters" Eric Zorn ,Chicago tribune. This is our story.

our daughter is 4 years old,ironically I am as scared as anyone of true sexual predators. The story of any young child raped is heart breaking ,frightening yet tragically will happen time and time again. No one has the courage to seperate the wheat from the chaff.or the "misguided from the monsters". Mark and Krissy Perk