Chasing Joy: How Happiness Shapes Your Choices

Most people come to me because something in their life feels out of control—a crumbling relationship, a habit they can’t break (too much alcohol, endless shopping, late nights lost to porn or drugs), or a career so stressful it’s consuming them.

They expect me to help them fix the problem—to dissect their addiction, unpack their relationship issues, or strategize a way to manage their stress.

But here’s what surprises them: I don’t focus on the problem.

Instead, I start with a different question: What’s making you unhappy?

Because lasting change doesn’t come from eliminating bad habits; it comes from building a life you don’t want to escape from.

Here’s how you can start using happiness as your most powerful tool for transformation.

Why Happiness Is More Than Just a Feeling

Most people think of happiness as a fleeting emotion—something that comes and goes depending on life circumstances. But Barbara Fredrickson’s research shows that happiness isn’t just an outcome; it’s a powerful driver of behavior. Happiness expands your mindset, helping you make better long-term choices and avoid destructive habits.

When we feel good, we make better choices. We eat healthier, connect more deeply with others, stay motivated, and even perform better at work. But when we feel stressed, disconnected, or empty, we’re more likely to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors: overeating, procrastinating, doomscrolling, or falling back into destructive habits.

So instead of constantly fighting bad behaviors, what if the real key to lasting change was building happiness first?

The Science of Happiness: What Actually Works?

You've probably heard clichés like “Just think positive” or “Happiness is a choice.” But lasting happiness isn’t about forced positivity; it’s about building a foundation of well-being that makes good choices feel natural.

Psychological research identifies five core pillars of sustainable happiness:

1. Connection: Deep, fulfilling relationships
2. Meaning: A sense of purpose and contribution
3. Growth: Personal development and self-improvement
4. Engagement: Being absorbed in fulfilling activities
5. Gratitude: Appreciating what’s already good in your life

The Harvard Study on Happiness

One of the longest-running studies on well-being—Harvard’s 85-year study on human happiness—found that the number-one predictor of long-term happiness isn’t money, career success, or even physical health. It’s relationships.

People who cultivate strong social bonds live longer, experience less stress, and make better life decisions. This has huge implications: If we focus on creating fulfilling lives, we naturally reduce the urge to engage in behaviors that drain us.

How to Use Happiness to Drive Better Choices

If you want to stop bad habits, improve your daily routines, or just feel more in control of your life, stop asking, “How can I fix this problem?” and start asking, “How can I build more happiness into my life?”

Here’s how:

1. Build your “happiness rituals.”

Instead of constantly resisting bad behaviors, fill your day with small, deliberate actions that naturally make you feel good.

✅ A morning walk while listening to a favorite podcast
✅ Cooking a meal that fuels your body and mind
✅ A five-minute gratitude practice before bed
✅ A regular catch-up call with a close friend

When your day is full of things that make you feel good, there’s less room for the habits that drain you.

2. Find your “why.”

Psychologist Viktor Frankl, who survived Nazi concentration camps, found that people with a strong sense of purpose were far more likely to survive extreme suffering.

If you're only making changes because you feel like you “should” or because others expect it, your motivation will eventually fade. But if you’re moving toward something deeply meaningful to you, it’s easier to stay consistent.

Ask yourself:

• What kind of person do I want to be?
• What’s one thing I’d be proud to accomplish in the next six months?
• If I wasn’t held back by this habit, what would I go after?

3. Upgrade your social circle.

Your environment shapes your habits more than willpower ever will. If you’re surrounded by people who normalize bad habits, you’ll struggle to change. But if you’re around people who encourage growth, happiness, and success, those behaviors will start to feel natural.

Take an honest inventory:

• Who in your life supports your happiness and well-being?
• Who drains your energy or encourages self-sabotage?
• What communities could you join to find like-minded people on a similar journey?

If you don’t have the right support yet, create it—through meetups, online communities, classes, or mentorship.

4. Stop chasing “quick hits” of happiness.

Neuroscientist Kent Berridge’s research reveals that many of us often mistake "quick dopamine-driven pleasure hits" for real happiness—things like these:

🚫 Mindless social media scrolling for validation
🚫 Binge-eating junk food for comfort
🚫 Buying things we don’t need for a temporary high
🚫 Seeking attention instead of real connection

These feel good for a moment, but they don’t build lasting fulfillment. Instead, focus on dopamine activities that also build long-term happiness—like learning a new skill, deepening relationships, or working toward a meaningful goal.

5. Turn “down days” into growth days.

Even the happiest people have bad days. The difference is, they use them as a signal instead of a setback.

✅ Feeling lonely? Reach out to a friend instead of retreating into isolation.
✅ Feeling stressed? Try movement, deep breathing, or journaling instead of numbing with distractions.
✅ Feeling unmotivated? Set one tiny goal to regain momentum.

Happiness isn’t about never feeling bad—it’s about learning to shift from reaction to action when challenges arise.

The Bottom Line: Happiness Is the Shortcut to Better Habits

Most people think change requires discipline and self-control. But the truth is, it’s a lot easier to make good choices when you actually feel good.

Instead of fighting bad behaviors, start building happiness first.

Start small: Add one joyful habit this week. Connect with someone who lifts you up. Work on a goal that excites you.

Because when happiness isn’t just something you’re chasing—but something you’re creating every day—better choices follow naturally.

Check out my new book, Unhooked, for more tips.