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In divorce, often a family’s life voyage slams head first into an iceberg: the fate of its members—potential demise. Tossed in separate directions, family members become engulfed in waves of destructive forces. Is there a captain of our ship? Are all passengers accounted for? How do we or will we survive?
Regardless of a family’s past or present religious affiliation, living faith is a powerful resource that secures each person following the shake-up caused by divorce. Faith supports stabilization and direction, enabling each member to navigate a course to reengage personal, emotional, spiritual, and physical potential.
Parents are entrusted with the greatest blessing of life when they create a child, empowered to provide guidance through a solid family experience. Parents often appear god-like in the minds of their small children, experienced as their source of sustenance and direction.This responsibility must occur even in the throes of divorce, when our children’s fate is at risk. In the face of divorce, when parenting no longer models unity and security, the means remain available through a living faith to impart direct knowledge of a personal relationship that secures and stabilizes a child’s tumultuous and disorganized life.
Often in the divorce process, a child’s trust in relationships as unifying and trusting crumbles and the cornerstone of the child’s secure foundation collapses. Parents not only lose their role for holding a compass for themselves and their family, they often lose awareness for the need of a compass.
By tapping into the power of spiritual guidance for themselves with their children, parents model and gain perspective over the wounds created during the eruption of divorce as the family seeks redefinition. While divorce encourages some of the harshest and worst feelings imaginable, faith and spiritual power provide direction to do what is good and right—which points the way to a sustaining road in an unsustainable setting.
The word Devil identifies the persona of (D)evil. Devil, (diavolos), in Greek, means “the one who divides”—the creator, creation of chaos. Children often feel this impact in divorce. Similarly, the Latin root of divorce, divortium, means “to turn in different ways” and “separate,” the upheaval that often annihilates a child’s foundation—creating a world divided.
Prayer and living faith counters disorder and unites, returning the lost compass to enable us to do what is right and what is true. Through faith and spiritual power we rediscover and align with our path that brings us out of darkness.
The fear, anger, despair, and confusion of divorce in adults and children is transformed through and to, faith, trust, and love. Parents need to take control of rightful actions for themselves and their children in divorce, as the family is redefined. Even if forces beyond our control change the family unit, the qualities of faith, trust, and love, essential for sustaining vital relationships nurture the experience of a faith connection, infusing positive energy into the home, imparting qualities of healthy relationships for the child.
Children are not ultimately dependent on parents but upon the source who will not fail them. Parents benefit personally through the resource of living spirituality during divorce that models the power of a sustaining relationship for solid values, direction, and identity.
John T. Chirban, Ph.D., Th.D. is a clinical instructor in psychology at Harvard Medical School and author of True Coming of Age: A Dynamic Process That Leads to Emotional Stability Spritual Growth, and Meaningful Relationships. For more information visit www.drchirban.com, https://www.facebook.com/drchirban and https://twitter.com/drjohnchirban and see Collateral Damage: Guiding and Protecting Your Child through the Minefield of Divorce: Harper Collins: 2016.
