5 Steps for Setting Goals for Your Child’s Health

"Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can."—Arthur Ashe

In our book, Afraid of the Doctor: Every Parent’s Guide to Preventing and Managing Medical Trauma, my co-author Melissa Hogan and I talk about being your child’s C.O.A.C.H. to support their health and health care journey. This framework can be used as a guide as you set health goals with your child.

Be your child’s C.O.A.C.H.

• Collect information.
• Observe the situation.
• Ask questions of yourself, your child, and professionals.
• Choose your strategies.
• Help your child, and get help from others.

Step 1: Collect information.

Talk to your doctor. Different children may need different goals. Sometimes managing your child’s health and sorting out what to prioritize can be overwhelming. Ask your doctor what is most important for your child. Healthy eating? Taking medications? Exercising? Going to the pediatrician regularly? Increasing how often they brush their teeth? Taking care of their mental health? If your child sees multiple doctors, you might ask if there is one doctor that can help you bring all the information and recommendations together. For many children, this is their pediatrician. For some children with chronic illnesses, this might be the doctor who specializes in their health condition or it could still be their pediatrician.

Step 2: Observe the situation.

What do you think is most important for your child? What is going well for your child? What is your child struggling with? After you set a goal with your child and they start working on it, again observe and notice what’s working and what’s not.

Step 3: Ask questions of yourself, your child, and professionals.

What strategies have worked well in helping your child achieve goals in the past? Do they respond well to praise? Do they do better with tangible rewards? Do star charts or point systems motivate them? What does your child’s doctor or other health team members recommend? What does their doctor think is a reasonable goal for a child their age? What does your child want to work on? What kind of rewards would your child like to work toward?

Step 4: Choose your strategies. Think about how to help your child achieve their goals. Does their goal include something that they fear? Is it something they are happy to do but need reminders? Is it something they don’t want to do? Work together with your child to set expectations. Once you have a goal in mind, work with your child to create small steps towards that goal and consider using rewards as they progress. If it is something that worries your child, consider adding strategies to help them stay calm such as diaphragmatic breathing. If your child needs reminders, consider setting alarms on your device or on theirs if they have one. Or consider pairing the activity with something they already do (for example, brush teeth right after they put on PJs). If it’s something your child doesn’t want to do, rewards can be particularly helpful. Work with your child to create a reward system.

Step 5: Help your child, and get help from others. Take a team approach. Your child’s team will depend on their goals. Your child doesn’t have to work on their goals on their own (and neither do you). Do they have healthy eating goals? Consider creating an eating plan as a family. Or add a nutritionist to the team. Do they have medication goals? Consider if a sibling would be willing to cheer them on. Or consider if they’d like to include family or friends in their rewards that they earn. Does your child need support with their mental health? Ask your child’s doctor for help finding a therapist as well as what you can do as a parent to support them.

Set time aside regularly to check-in on your child’s health goals and decide if any changes are needed to the goals, strategies, or if they need more support for success. It is normal for goals, strategies, and rewards to need adjustment over time.

The ideas in this post and resources are not a replacement for mental health care. If you are worried about your own or your child’s behaviors or emotions, reach out to your doctor for help.

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.