The Love Addiction Quiz

Apropos Anthony Bourdain’s death, I suggest questions that tap love addiction.

Posted Oct 08, 2018

In an earlier post, I explored the relationship between Anthony Bourdain’s suicide and his being in “love.” I also discussed a friend who evidenced an addictive relationship, texting his partner nonstop during lunch. These cases suggested to me creating a brief quiz for people to assess the potentially addictive nature of their intimate relationships. While this quiz offers no formal diagnosis, the questions can help you think about whether your behavior shows signs of being problematic.

Love Addiction Quiz

Love and relationships quiz: Are you addicted to “love”?

1.  I almost never go voluntarily to a social event without my partner.

2.  I dread being alone.

3.  I resent any time my partner spends with other people.

4.  I filter every event or possible activity through my partner’s eyes.

5.  When I spend a few free hours apart from my partner, I text or email them continuously.

6.  When I’m apart from my partner or “lover,” I refer everything back to them, in my mind or in speaking.

7.  There is no one I ever want to spend time with more than my “lover” or partner.

8.  I almost never try new activities or make new personal connections on my own.

9.  My life has become significantly more limited due to my “love” relationship.

10. I don’t engage in activities or see people that my partner doesn’t like.

P.S. From a comment: "Competent studies have shown that married people spend less time with neighbors and extended family. Married people spend less time volunteering, less time with civic engagement, more time watching TV, less time furthering their education, and less time exercising. This isn't love addiction—the shunning of the outside world and coupled insularity is standard acceptable behavior by romantic couples in 2018."

Response:

In my original article, I referred to an old friend I had lunch with who thought it proper (of course, he was in the throes of withdrawal) to text his gf throughout lunch, even though we didn’t have dinner since he wanted to be free for his gf, and we hadn’t seen each other for months. (It’s what reminded me of Bourdain’s suicide.)

Is that an example of the kind of healthy paired-off behavior you indicate? We devote quite a bit of space to that kind of cultural context in L&A.

It DOES encourage the kind of isolation and loss of community (per Nora) that I think allowed Bourdain to kill himself, just as (per the CDC) finding community is an antidote to our suicide epidemic.