3 Helpful Therapy Skills for Highly Sensitive People

Do you ever feel that you lack a sense of agency because your intense emotions and endless thoughts dictate what you can and cannot do? This is a common experience for Highly Sensitive People (HSPs).

If you are an HSP, I have news that may provide you some relief: You can use evidenced-based therapy strategies to gain back a sense of control over your life.

In this article, I will share three of my favorite tools for HSPs from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) can benefit from the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) skill "Drop The Struggle."

Source: J Waye Covington / Unsplash

Drop the Struggle

When you are highly sensitive, trying to distract yourself from big feelings and loud thoughts is natural. Feeling and thinking deeply can be overwhelming and painful… it makes sense that you would want to do whatever you can to stop the discomfort.

For HSPs, it can feel like there is a "struggle switch" that automatically turns on when uncomfortable feelings and thoughts surface. Our internal experiences amplify when the switch is in the “on” position, leading to even more discomfort.

Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) can benefit from the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill

Source: Bhavya Shah / Unsplash

For instance, when anxiety strikes in the middle of the night, you might start to feel worried about having anxiety, which only makes you feel the anxiety more intensely. Worrying about worrying is overwhelming, so you “struggle” to try and stop worrying. This struggle can lead to a cascade of emotions — anger about feeling anxious about the anxiety, sadness about getting angry at yourself again, and then guilt about feeling sad (“I have so many great things in my life… I shouldn’t feel this way!). Each emotion amplifies the previous one.

The reality is that trying to avoid certain thoughts and feelings does not actually make them go away. In fact, research indicates that resisting and distracting from emotional experiences makes the feelings even bigger in the long run.

"Drop the struggle,” a concept from ACT, refers to letting go of the “struggle” with unwanted thoughts, emotions, or internal experiences. So, what does it look like to drop the struggle?

• Allow the emotion to be.

• Notice what it is.

• Stay in the present moment, even if it feels uncomfortable.

It is also important to note that this approach will not make your thoughts and emotions disappear; however, it will prevent them from sticking around longer than necessary. If you allow yourself to hear the thought and feel the emotion; eventually, that internal experience passes.

Dropping the struggle gives highly sensitive people agency. You are taking a moment to notice yourself struggling with the thoughts and emotions, choosing to sit with them, and then you get to decide how you want to direct your energy.

Radical Acceptance (Explained by an HSP Therapist)

The term “radical acceptance” can be off-putting. The brain’s immediate response to attempting to accept something difficult is: “Are you serious? No. I don’t want it to be this way. It’s not fair. It hurts. I don’t like it.” I understand this response — it makes sense. Why would you want to “accept” something you don’t want, like, or agree with?

Let me explain why. Radical acceptance is about acknowledging and embracing the present moment as it is rather than focusing on what you want it to be. It means looking at how things actually are, even if you don't like what you see.

It is important to clarify that radical acceptance is not giving up or condoning everything that happens. You do not have to agree with or like the reality when practicing this skill. You are just acknowledging that whatever is happening is actually happening.

Radical acceptance is challenging to practice because your mind wants to be in charge and call the shots. The somewhat harsh reality is… sometimes unwanted things happen, you come up against specific limitations, and you experience pain.

There are many things you cannot control. Feeling out of control makes you more likely to reject reality. Your mind may say: "No! That's not right. I'm in charge. That's not fair."

The difficult truth is that rejecting reality does not alter it. To truly change your circumstances, you must first acknowledge and accept them. Denying a painful reality only creates more suffering.

When practicing radical acceptance, you recognize what is within your control and what is out of your control. You focus your energy on what you can change instead of what is unchangeable, which ultimately creates space and opens us up to new possibilities and growth.

Highly Sensitive Person Essential Reads

High Sensitivity Is Not a Trauma Response

3 Signs That You Might Be a Highly Sensitive Person

Take Valued Action (Do What You Really Want to Do)

As an HSP therapist, I see that many HSPs benefit from using the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) skill "Committed Action," also known as values-based action.

Source: Alexander Grey / Unsplash

Your mind is always telling you things. If you do not pause to think about what your mind is saying, you might find yourself engaging in behaviors that do not align with the kind of person you want to be.

The key to identifying who you want to be is knowing your values. Your values act as your guide. Values teach us how to show up in the world, how to respond to challenges, and how to prioritize what truly matters to us.

Maybe you, like me, value humor and compassion. I feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment when I act in accordance with those values.

When you direct your energy to focus on how you want to live life (rather than how your mind or emotions tell you to live), you experience less suffering. Once you know your values, you can behave in ways that align with those values. Knowing your values is another way to have agency in your life.