6 Ways to Cope With the Holidays Post Job-Loss

Losing a job is incredibly stressful, and getting through the holidays without one is not for the faint of heart. Since shopping is part of the holiday season, learning how to cope amid financial uncertainty is essential. Here are six things, in no particular order of importance, to consider.

1. Manage your expectations by reframing your thoughts. When we believe that we’re only as good as the gift we give, our expectations can rise and fall accordingly. In reality, these expectations are common among those who have fragile self-esteem. Losing a job or anticipating a layoff can cause one to feel out of place and increase a sense of insecurity, so it isn't unusual for your self-esteem to take a hit.

However, becoming aware of why you're feeling blue is part of learning to manage your emotions. Buying things to compensate for a negative feeling may bring an initial "high"; however, the increase in debt will likely outweigh any positive feelings.

Reframing your thoughts about a gift or event can reset your expectations. Often, it is one’s own set of expectations that may be fueled by a painful past that can turn into self-destructive behavior. Financial fears are real, and ruminating on them only adds fuel to the fire.

Research has shown that our thoughts about a situation can produce positive or negative feelings. This is why the "placebo" effect works. If you think you're getting pain relief, you're likely to feel as if you are no longer in pain. Take a look at where your mind is focused.

2. Opt out of emails. As we move into the holiday season, emotions can be constructed by what we see. So if you’re seeing a flow of gift guides, you may open the links and stressful thoughts may come flooding into your mind. Opting out of emails can decrease the likelihood the content will appear in your inbox. Also, consider removing social media apps from your phone. Chances are this will limit your screen time, and if you need to find something of value you can always use a laptop.

3. Plan ahead. Go ahead and make a plan. Many spur-of-the-moment purchases are due to failing to plan. Planning can mean, for instance, setting a budget. For some, budgets can feel restrictive, but they can also prevent going into debt. Budgets can also help you feel in control because you are able to reduce “surprise” bills in the coming months. Consider recording what you spend. This is a practical way to help your brain keep track of purchases and feel organized. Stress can happen when we feel chaos, and tracking purchases can help one to monitor cash flow.

4. Ask yourself a question. Further, your thoughts about an object or person can shape your decisions. When it isn’t clear whether a purchase should be made or whether you should be saying "yes" to a holiday invite, ask yourself this question: “What value does this bring to me?”

If the answer is “no added value,” chances are it will be easier to walk away. Sometimes, just creating a pause can prevent an impulse purchase.

5. Listen to your body. If you’re feeling anxious about your decision, listen to your body. That lump in the throat or sweaty palms can mean your brain is trying to balance the incoming information (i.e., the invite) with your thoughts. For example, an email invite from a particular family member may cause your heart to race, whereas another party invite may reduce your anxiety because you know the event will be low-key.

6. Focus on small good things. When I interviewed women who lost their spouse or partner for my book, the women were particularly worried about the holidays. And many reported that the loss of income (due to the death) was beyond scary. However, those women who focused on small good things, such as giving their time to help others or setting up a low-key coffee with someone, felt a sense of relief, even moments of joy.

After all, what we focus on tends to expand our feelings. And detaching from traditional gift-giving can, in turns out, be positive.

Remember, there is no shame in going to a support group (often free), seeking therapy and/ or doing meditation.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.