How to Reduce Stress and Negativity

“A lot of people think or believe or know they feel- but that’s thinking or believing or knowing not feeling.”

E. E. Cummings

How can we create new patterns to address the increasing epidemic of chronic stress? What comes with stress is fear. It is how our nervous system works; it is either in a calm state or one of being revved up due to a perceived threat. This is a prelude to being negative, according to Bruce Lipton in his extraordinary book The Biology of Belief. He addresses the need to make a difference by cultivating a positive mindset across all aspects of our lives and how “…you can live a life of fear or live a life of love. You have a choice!”

The positive aura of cherry blossoms

Source: (c) Photo by Kenneth Silvestri

How many times have you heard the phrase “accentuate the positive” when you're feeling down on yourself? Well, there is much to learn from that adage. In a long-term study conducted by the University of Kentucky and the University of Minnesota, which followed nuns throughout their lifespans, novices were evaluated on how they perceived the glass as being either half full or half empty. The result was that individuals who lived their lives characterized by viewing life as "half-empty" had a lifespan that averaged ten years less than those who had temperaments that accentuated having a life being "half-full." This is equal to one's life shortened by having smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. (1.)

In another study at Stanford University, students who typically had a positive outlook were asked to think negatively for four minutes. Saliva tests confirmed that their immune system was lowered for four hours. Conversely, a group of students who received positive input had their immune systems improved for two hours. (2.) In Born to be Good, Dashner Keltner writes, “Positive thoughts are a biological mandate for health.” The takeaway here highlights how negativity undermines wellness.

Visualizing Better Outcomes

Here are some visualization exercises and suggestions based on my forty years of experience as a psychotherapist, teacher, and supervisor of aspiring therapists. They focus on alleviating stress-related issues and fears that will help you avoid seeing the glass as being half-empty.

Try imagining a silk thread pulling your head to an erect position. Allow your body to follow its direction. Let positive energy flow through you and around you. You can now begin to sense your surroundings more effectively; please remind yourself that you are multifaceted. There are no restrictions in this context. Open your being to connecting with others. Let your Chi or vital energy introduce your soul to yourself. Feel the energy flow from your belly to the outermost part of your body and existence. Relax your facial muscles; move your life energy downward to release all tension in your body.

Now, look straight ahead as if using a photographic lens, and see the walls of your room, the ceiling, and the floor without moving your eyes. Think about what differences you would like to make when dealing with the stresses of your life. Now, widen your lens with your mind's eye and see your relationships within your community. Zoom out even further with your lens, and see yourself in a moment when you are part of nature. Savor the feeling of being independent with all that surrounds you. After a few deep breaths, zoom back to where you began and revisit the differences that you would like to make about dealing with the stressors that affect your life.

Stand up and walk with a new spring to your steps. Feel the balls of your feet touch the ground with new awareness. Each part of you is connected to the whole, which is now more than all the parts of the universe. You are now interdependent with all that feeds our existence. Share these feelings with a friend and look for the differences in your sense of what it's like to be in a relationship with another.

Another way to encourage positive feelings is to open your heart by softening your stomach and breathing with compassion, a practice promoted by Dr. Mehmet Oz, when interviewed by Krista Tippett in her book Einstein's God, he describes the heart as an organ that “doesn’t empty blood like a balloon letting out air. That is a very bland view of how the heart functions. It’s much more elegant than that. It twists the blood out the way you would wring water from a towel. You watch this muscle twisting and turning. It looked like a cobra being tamed by a physician who is managing it. When I saw this organ, I realized why it plays such an important role in our poetry, why it dominates our religion, why we associate the soul and love with a muscle.”

With this quote in mind, feel the results that positive emotions have on your heart. As you soften your stomach and breath slowly, think of something that makes you feel grateful and pay attention to what is now happening with your mind, body, and “heart.” Reflect on how this feeling can influence your communication and understanding of others. Ask yourself, how is it to be with me?

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A Simple Intervention

For a more profound relaxation of your entire body, try the following, which is best done while sitting.

Place your attention on your forehead. Imagine the muscles in your head are like a rope with individual twine. Feel the tightness of the day and to yourself say,” I will make my muscles in my forehead relax”. Imagine the muscles loosening up and feel the result. Progressively move downward, touching all your major muscle areas. Go to your face, feel the tension in your face, and to yourself, say, “I will the muscles in my face to relax.” Go to your shoulders and feel the tension release from your upper extremities, through your biceps and forearms, and out through your fingertips. Allow your back muscles to loosen and relax. Go to your lower extremities and will the muscles in your legs to relax.

Now, focus on your breathing. Feel the uniqueness of everyone, breathe softly in your stomach, and as you breathe in (Use Coherent Breathing, developed by Stephen Elliott, with a six-second inhale and a six-second exhale), feel a sense of gratitude toward something you have compassion for. Exhale and feel the compassion. Imagine a color that represents all the positive compassion you have. As you breathe in, feel the color replenish your circulatory system. As you exhale, imagine releasing all the tension and pain that may be present in your body.

After five rounds of coherent breathing, feel a positive color as you exhale, becoming an aura that surrounds and drapes you. Feel as it caresses and protects you. And with your mind’s eye, imagine the tension leave your body and dissipate into the horizon. Now, focus on your navel, a point about an inch below your belly button. Feel the difference that you've made in your mind and body; anchor it in your center, allow it to settle in, and know that it will be there for you in the future if you need to access it.

Remember that when we are upset or stuck, it is difficult to be positive. Additionally, negative feelings that give rise to statements based on what “should have happened" are not beneficial. We need not be the wound. Richard Bach wrote in Jonathan Livingston Seagull, “You don’t have to argue for your limitations, they are already yours.”