The Son Also Rises

Source: Larry Carlat

My older son Rob took his own life six years ago. He was 28. He suffered from bipolar disorder, depression, and alcoholism. He also had conflicted feelings about being adopted. I've written a book about our life together called A Space in the Heart: A Survival Guide for Grieving Parents, and in the following excerpt, I thought I'd give Rob the opportunity to talk to readers and get a few things off of his chest.

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Yeo,

I know you’ve already heard a lot about me, so I asked my dad if I could talk to you guys directly . . . because somebody has to call him out on his half-baked ideas and stupid advice! Hahaha, I’m just playing with you! My dad’s a straight shooter . . . and so was I. Hope that didn’t trigger anybody.

It’s bad enough that there’s no cursing here, but at least the Big Man lets us keep our sense of humor. I really do have a few things to say to you, but it’s not just me saying them. I’m actually representing all of your sons and daughters because I’m the lucky one with a dad writing a book about all this dead kid stuff.

So, what do your kids want you to know? I made a list but can’t find it, so I’m just gonna wing it, and no, I’m not an angel and neither are your children. Okay, first of all, we’re all hanging out on this side together, just chillin’ all peaceful-like.

Nobody’s in pain and everybody gets along great because that’s the way things work in the spirit world. We left all of our baggage on Earth and only took the very best of who we were with us, and that’s the God’s honest truth, which is as much as I can tell you because otherwise He gets super pissed.

Second, your kids want you to know there was nothing you could’ve done to prevent them from ending up here. Whatever they were suffering from or whatever terrible, random thing happened to them was supposed to happen. Our time was up and now we’re working on what comes next. Don’t beat yourselves up about any of it. For real. We know you did your best.

You know we can see and hear you, right? I can’t explain how (there are so many crazy rules on this side!) but just know that we’re always watching and listening. It’s like you guys have become our new favorite TV show.

And that’s how we know you’ve been having a hard time ever since we split. We hate to see you suffering and want you to please, please, please, stop worrying about us! There’s nothing to worry about anymore. We’re all good and we want you to be too!

Honestly, we’re worried about you! We worry about you getting stuck in your sadness, so maybe stop looking at our baby pictures and videos so much! We know that we were adorable, but it’s not gonna bring any of us back or make you feel any better. Unless it does and, in that case, have at it!

We get the heavy sadness thing a thousand percent and know you’re going to do whatever feels right for you, but we also want you to get on with your life! We know we’re the only ones who could say that without making you angry, which is why we just did.

We understand it’s hard to live without us (just like it was hard to live with some of us, and that includes yours truly), but you really don’t have any other choice. And do us all a big favor—delete our names and numbers from your cell phones already! We can’t call you back!

We miss you and wish we could still be there with you. But here’s a little secret: Sometimes we are! You can’t see us, but we know you can sometimes feel our presence. That little pang, or whatever it’s called, that you sometimes feel in your heart? That’s us! Hello! We’re right there! We’re right where we’ve always been and will always be.

The only unpleasant thing about crossing over is seeing all of you guys hurting so much, and that’s why my dad wants you to read this letter whenever you’re feeling all the feels. We love you with all of our hearts and know you feel the same way about us, and that’s the most important thing in the world. Your world and ours.

Grief Essential Reads

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In the meantime, we want you guys to stop being soooooo sad and think about all the other beautiful things in your life. Stop wasting your energy on tormenting yourselves. We know you need to grieve but enough with the weepy stuff already!

Bottom line: Grief is forever, but that doesn’t mean you have to continue to suffer. You’ve suffered enough. You all have. So enough with the suffering, too! Go out and eat a giant pizza cake or cake pizza like we have here! (Dad, you’d love them!)

You were all great dads, moms, brothers, sisters, and friends. Maybe we could’ve been better people, or maybe not, but at the end of the day, we just were who we were. The one big thing we’ve learned since you last saw us is that we’ll do better next time. We’ve learned a lot in our lives and continue to evolve each day in our death.

Well, there aren’t really days on this side, and time is hard to put into words, but for you guys, life is short. Special shout-out to my mom: I hope you find a good dude to settle down with soon because I only want you to be happy, mother!

And to all of the moms and dads reading this right now: Remember to keep talking to us and writing to us and thinking about us! The more we hear from you, the better it is for all of us. We miss you as much as you miss us, and we’re just gonna have to live with that for now. Well, at least you are.

Peace,

Robbie James Carlat