Should You Go On Practice Dates?

Practice may not make perfect. But in can make progress.

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In the TV series Ted Lasso, the titular character riffed off Allen Iverson's famous press conference rant when he fumed, "We're talking about practice. Not a game. Not the game. We're talking about practice." Lasso was actually trying to lasso his star player into understanding the importance of practice.

Well, when it comes to some social media influencers on TikTok and Instagram, they're talking about practice, too—in this case practice dates. Not a real date when you are already really into someone. Not "The Date" with someone in the running to be "The One." They're talking about going on dates with people whom you're not that into for the main purpose of getting dating practice. That's to sharpen your dating skills for the real dates that supposedly matter more. The question then is are you game for this practice of going out on dates simply for practice?

The Rationale Behind Practice Dates

Getting more practice could help you better overcome those butterflies that you face when you are really into someone. You know when you forget things like the ability speak and your name. Those butterflies can grow to the size of Butterball chickens when you've been rather selective and haven't gone out on many dates in a while.

Practice can also help you refine those dating skills that you don't use on a regular basis—especially those skills that you only employ at the I-don't-know-much-about-you-yet-besides-your-face-and-body-and-that-you-claim-that-you-don't-like-drama stage of dating. This includes the ability to small talk, flirt, dress in an I'm-too-sexy-for-my-cat manner, and plan dates. That's why those just re-entering the dating arena after years of being in a long-term relationship can look about as out of place as leg warmers would in a party today.

Moreover, not everyone is the same when it comes to such dating skills. While some might be natural schmoozers, others may need more practice. And good dating skills do not necessarily correlate with good relationships skills. Take, for example, a woman whom I dated and admitted that she's good at dating but bad at relationships. Yes, take her.

Attunement to the Range of Dating (and Human) Behavior

This brings up another potential benefit of getting more practice dating. It can help you become more attuned to picking up different cues and flags, including the red, green, and beige ones. The more you go on different dates, the more you may see recurring behaviors like love bombing, boundary pushing, future faking, and the blame game and get used to detecting and dealing with them.

Then there's this hot take—dating more can demystify those whom you initially find hot, too. Dating enough people of all types makes you realize even more that superficial looks do not necessarily correlate very well with the things that may matter more for long-term relationships like matching personalities, kindness, intelligence, and core values. People can end up surprising you in different directions, and each given date can proceed completely differently from how you originally intended.

How To Go On Practice Dates

Dating, especially early on, can involve using skills that you normally would not necessarily use in other situations, including relationships.

Source: Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels

Speaking of which, intent is really what separates a practice date from a "real" date. A practice date on the surface can be everything that a real date might be, except that the intent is to just get some practice. You've chosen to go on a date with someone whom you normally wouldn't have chosen because that person somehow didn't meet your screening criteria. Maybe that person didn't have the right appearance, background, or whatever was needed to make the cut and instead landed up on your practice squad.

The key, though, to getting in good practice for anything—whether it is a sport, playing an instrument, singing a song, baking a fruitcake, giving a talk, or dating—is to simulate game time conditions as closely as possible. That means doing everything that you would normally do so that you can really practice your skills.

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That also means practicing with people who are decent and not gigantic pieces-of-you-know-what. Again, the goal is to practice your dating skills and not your debate, fighting, or escape skills. So, the best practice dates are the ones who seem quite decent as people but for whatever reason just don't set your loins on fire.

What Might Happen on a Practice Date

When you do go on a practice date, you may get exactly what you are looking for—practice. We're talking about practice. Not a game. Not the game. And that's still good for all the aforementioned reasons.

However, a funny thing may happen when you are just "practicing." You may actually be more game to connecting with people. Your guard may be down. The pressure may be off since you are assuming that this person is not in the running for your heart. That could leave you more open to be yourself and open to more possibilities and seeing people in different lights.

Consider this example. Someone recently told me that when she first met her longtime significant other, she was turned off to him. Her lack of interest then granted her more of a I'm-gonna-talk-about-whatever-I-want attitude on the date. Several hours later after lots of free talking, she apparently started realizing that he was more intriguing than she originally thought and that they actually had a lot in common beneath the surface.

So, going on practice dates can actually be a way of loosening up you dating criteria in a good way. It could bring you into closer contact with people who may have never made it to your dating game day lineup otherwise. And maybe, just maybe, this could help you better lasso or be lassoed by the person who ultimately is the right fit for you.