Mating
The 'Taxicab Theory'—What It Should and Shouldn't Tell You
Timing can be something—but isn't everything—in dating.
Posted December 22, 2025 Reviewed by Hara Estroff Marano
Key points
- The "taxicab theory" echoes what that Miranda character says about men on the "Sex and the City" TV series.
- It suggests that men won't settle down until one day they find themselves ready and, soon after, get married.
- It is true that men and women need to be ready to settle down before they will even consider marriage.
- However, lack of fit rather than timing is often why long-term relationships do not proceed to marriage.
How "fare" Is the so-called "taxicab theory" that emerged from the TV series Sex and the City? Will believing it somehow help you get to your desired romantic destination? Or should you consider it just a "City" theory that will end up driving you in the wrong direction relationship-wise?
What is the 'Taxicab Theory'?
The origins of the theory can be traced specifically to what the Sex and the City character Miranda proposed in season 3: “Men are like cabs. When they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day, and they decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, then they turn their light on.” She added, "The next woman they pick up, boom, that’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate, it’s dumb luck."
She was trying to use the analogy to explain why a guy might date for you for a long time, resist taking the next step to marriage, and then shortly after breaking up with you, quickly get married to the next person he dates. It suggests that guys get married only when they are ready. And if you happen to be around when a guy becomes ready, then if it's marriage you want, it's marriage you'll get. If, on the other hand, the guy is not ready, then. forget about it.
Where Might the Taxicab Theory Apply?
Does the taxicab theory have legs, or perhaps wheels? Well, it is true that a person—regardless of gender—has to feel ready to get married before committing to marriage. And when exactly someone will get all the feels can vary significantly from person to person.
For some, it can be from the beginning of existence. Others may have to reach a certain age, career phase, financial status, or body count. How married a person's friends are can play a role as well. And, of course, some will never, ever feel or be ready.
It is also possible for two people to end up getting married simply because of timing. I remember a woman telling me that she would find a spouse within a year. And, voilà, guess what happened? Whether they are truly happy with the marriage is a different story.
The whole ready-to-get-married timing thing would explain why there tend to be waves of marriages at particular ages, such as the turn of each decade in life and life phases such as graduation from school. It's not as if everyone happens to magically meet their right match around those times, right?
How the Taxicab Theory Can Mislead You
News flash: All men and all women are not the same! Just because a person's taxicab light is on doesn't mean that he or she will simply pick up the next passenger available. There's that whole free will and choice thing that Neo talked about in The Matrix movie.
Don't assume that you and your long-term squeeze aren't betrothed yet simply because of timing. Someone may stay in a relationship with you even though you are not really that person's "Baby, baby, baby, oh" for reasons that can be summed up as the 12 F's, including fear, force of habit, and, of course, getting various F-words from you.
While the Miranda rule or explanation may seem comforting after you've experienced a breakup and seen your ex marry someone else pretty soon afterwards, it may not hold in your case. Maybe you just weren't the right person for your ex and, thus, vice versa. Your ex could have even been struggling with "Should I stay or should I go?" all along while dating you. In fact, the breakup could have given your ex the clarity, desire, know-how, and confidence to find the right person for him or her.
Have to Use and Not Use the Taxicab Theory
Rather than drive you to rationalize your breakups and not learn from them, the taxicab theory should steer you to being more mindful about future relationships. Before sticking around for too long in any situation, ask your partner directly how ready he or she is for marriage, assuming that's of interest to you. If the answer is "no", get a clear timeline for "yes." If the stated milestones come and go with no action, this may not be the right person for you.
At the same, don't be in a situation where either of you is too ready for marriage—like a willing-to-marry-anything-with-genitals situation. Neither of you should be too agreeable or willing to overlook major incompatibilities, all with the short-term goal of walking down that aisle. When, in the future, it's your weekend in the visitation schedule to see your kids and they ask you why the two of you had gotten married, you don't want to start with, "Kids, people are like taxicabs."
While men—and women—can be like taxi cabs in some ways, they really aren't. Sure, it is a good idea to check whether a person's light is on, so to speak. But unlike a taxicab situation, you shouldn't ride just anyone who comes along. The two of you should make sure that you are a good mutual fit, because marriage is not something that you can simply get out of anywhere and at any time you like.
