Using Bedtime Stories to Create Healthy Narratives in Kids

Reading your child a bedtime story—or making one up yourself—has so many benefits, but there's one that is often overlooked: Bedtime stories create powerful narratives in your child that you choose. (For more on narratives and why they’re crucial for parents to know about, see this post.)

How stories become narratives

Children’s stories affect kids on an emotional level. For instance, let’s take the common absent-parent-returns-home story. This story is always some version of (1) a parent leaves; (2) the child feels alone, scared, sad, worried, etc.; (3) the parent returns; and (4) all is good again.

That’s it. That’s the story. Yet the story is powerfully appealing to children because all kids naturally fear being separated from their parents, especially at bedtime.

When the story is read again and again—which is often the case with bedtime stories—the repetition of a returning parent becomes a reassuring narrative.

Repetition is the key here because repeated messages become a kind of reality.

So, when your child wants to read the same book for the hundredth time, just go with it! They are converting the story into a narrative.

Why bedtime stories?

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Bedtime is hard for kids because it means they’ll be separated from their parents. Bedtime stories—whether you’re reading one from a book or making one up on the spot—allow kids to connect with their parents before the upcoming separation. Particularly at bedtime, kids tend to be receptive to their feelings, especially if their feelings are expressed for them through stories.

Stories provide an emotional distance so that kids can better tolerate emotional subjects—like a parent’s leaving. With a story, the child gets to observe someone else missing a parent. This distance acts as a buffer, allowing the child to safely sample the feelings without owning them.

Don’t just read stories…

Interact with the stories you’re reading or telling. Use them as an entry way to naming feelings.

For example, let’s say your child is nervous about an upcoming doctor’s appointment. Find some appropriate books—or get some from the library—so that when you read, say, Paddington Bear’s visit to the doctor, you can add observations or questions: “Paddington doesn’t like getting the shot, but then he feels better right away,” or “How do you think Paddington feels when the doctor listens to his heart?”

In these ways, you create the narrative that doctors can be trusted, and if there’s pain, it’s only short-lasting.

Making up stories

Many parents are hesitant to make up a story. It can feel intimidating, especially if you set a high bar of expectation for yourself.

But your child will love whatever story you tell because it’s coming straight from you and told only for them. This makes kids feel very special.

So let your mind go, and try to enjoy yourself!

Invent stories that speak to the issues your child is having. For example, if your child is struggling with self-esteem, tell a story about an elephant who, helping his friend, realizes the good in himself, that he can be a good friend to others.

Don’t be afraid to tell a story that mimics your child’s circumstances, tailoring your story to the specifics of your child’s struggles.

Also, if you get stuck in the telling, you can always ask your child what should happen next, inviting them to project their own fantasies onto the story. You can use this strategy not only when you’re stuck but also to ensure the story is addressing your child’s emotional concerns.