Can a Marriage Divided by Politics Be Saved?

You promised to love and cherish until death do you part— but does “for better or worse” include an increasing diversion of political views?

With the country increasingly polarized over vaccines, abortion rights, climate change, gun control, immigration, and the economy, much has been said about maintaining harmony at the Thanksgiving table. But what happens when partisan tensions spill into the bedroom of a marriage?

A friend recently sought my advice about how to navigate her husband’s increasingly extreme ideological views. She tried to address the problem with a bandaid by blocking him from seeing her activist social media posts. She said, “I explained to him I shouldn’t fear an argument will arise for doing something I feel is important. I just want to do my part to educate people.”

When political differences begin to define a marriage, how do couples avoid the landmines inherent in determining which news channels to watch and commenting on current headlines?

A strong marriage is worth the effort of navigating this rough terrain.

Source: IMAGE: Gina Vild

It is estimated that 30 percent of couples are in a relationship where political views are not shared. This can lead to conflict and anxiety, where even the simple act of turning on the television can fuel anger. Arguments often arise about which news channel to watch and over fiercely held views about which news and other sources are trustworthy. Conflict can also intensify when one partner perceives an issue as alarming while the other partner is indifferent and reacts with less or no concern.

In young relationships, it has been shown that couples can use early political conflict to prompt discussion, negotiation, and potential alignment. However, such open discussion tends to be more challenging during periods of intense political upheaval. In more stable times, when the stakes are lower, it is easier to relax, find common ground, or simply agree to disagree.

Power dynamics are often revealed as couples attempt to resolve political conflicts. Research has shown that if one partner is more dominant and politically vocal, the less dominant spouse may align out of respect, deference, or simply a desire to avoid disagreements. Couples with a more egalitarian dynamic face a greater challenge as they try to influence or convert their partner to their views.

What can you do?

Decide what matters more—your marriage or your political views. Couples who prioritize their relationship over politics tend to navigate conflicts more effectively. This requires them to reflect on how deeply their political beliefs are tied to their core values and whether they can coexist with mutual respect in a partnership where views sharply differ. Identify where politics ranks alongside priorities such as family, career, and marital satisfaction.

Identify your tolerance for conflict and engaging in difficult conversations. Together with your spouse, decide if it will be possible to arrive at a shared understanding through compromise, by agreeing to disagree, or even ceding a strongly held viewpoint.

Assess your comfort level with having difficult conversations. Together, determine whether you can find common ground by compromising, agreeing to disagree, or even reconsidering a strongly held viewpoint.

During conflict, reflect on what drew you to each other. Politically dissimilar couples often share deep emotional bonds and have important compatibilities—a desire to build a family, a shared sense of humor, a powerful physical attraction, or common interests like sports and fitness, literature, or travel. Continue to focus on these foundational aspects of your relationship.

Consider whether discussing your differences could strengthen your relationship. A deep discussion offers an intellectual exploration of how and why certain views have become more deeply embraced or how one’s political ideology has evolved. A respectful conversation may lead to a greater understanding of how each partner has changed over time.

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Here are a few prompts to help guide your discussion:

1. What core values are reflected in our differing political views?
2. How have our life experiences influenced these political views?
3. Has our political ideology shifted over the years, and if so, why?
4. Are there policies and issues on which we agree?
5. How can we respectfully navigate our differences when discussing current events?
6. Are there news sources we both can trust?

Navigating political differences can be a minefield, even with the best intentions. A strong marriage is worth the effort, and keeping an open mind—one that seeks to understand rather than judge—can restore harmony.

And if all else fails, sometimes watching the news in separate rooms is a perfectly good solution!