How to Protect Your Children From the Impact of Divorce

Val and Justin are facing divorce, and they come to my office to learn more about the process. In my experience, no one is prepared for the legal or emotional process or the aftermath of divorce. Val and Justin have three children, ages 6, 9, and 13, and they want to know how to make the divorce easier for them.

When divorcing parents seek therapy, they often want to understand and reduce the impact of their divorce on their children. Many are interested in the facts, the stats, and the research.

A Brief Summary of the Research

Here’s a brief summary of the research about the impact of parental divorce on children. Remember that these are statistical outcomes and not necessarily predictions of how your children will fare when you divorce. Below, I will share some protective factors and steps you can take to reduce the harm of divorce to your children.

• Mental health and behavioral effects: In a meta-analysis looking at studies that included more than 500,000 children, the data show that children of divorce are much more likely to develop depression, anxiety, alcohol use, and drug use. In adolescence, those children are at higher risk of teen pregnancy, school dropout, and suicidal ideation.
• Effects on education and future earnings: Children of divorce are more likely to have a lower income in the future than children from intact families. They have increased risks of school dropout (high school or college), teen pregnancy, incarceration, and even earlier deaths. Family instability and socio-economic status before, during, and after the divorce affect these risks.
• Long-term physical health: Children whose parents divorced before the 1960s (when divorce became more common and less stigmatized) have a significantly higher risk of strokes. This may have to do with the chronic stress they experienced during and since their parents’ divorce. Some studies show that these children (now older adults) have a lower life expectancy, more chronic illnesses, and impaired immune systems.

Resilience

While some children affected by divorce have a high risk of difficulties, many grow up to be well-adjusted. Understanding why and the differences will help Val and Justin have a better divorce and support their children's adjustment, mental health, and physical health. The resilience of these children is based on several factors:

• Parents reduce or eliminate conflict during their separation and divorce.
• Both parents remain involved in meaningful ways with their children after the divorce.
• Parents prioritize stability for the children, with few relocations, and provide a financially secure home.
• Joint physical parenting time and cooperative co-parenting are associated with better outcomes in self-esteem and academic performance.

Parents who are not able to do these things and suffer economic hardships increase the risk to their children.

How You Can Protect Your Children

Although these research studies can seem alarming, you can do a lot to build your children’s resilience and avoid the risks mentioned above. Here are important ways to protect your children:

• Don’t wait until problems start. Early intervention is key.
• Commit to reducing conflict with your ex.
• Work on developing the best communication you can with your ex so that your children will feel held and supported by both of you.
• Maintain a stable, consistent environment while your children transition between you and your ex.
• Provide emotional support, reassurance, and guidance to your children.
• Avoid alienating your children: They need both of you.
• Get support early: therapeutic divorce groups for children and parenting coaching for you and your ex.

© Ann Gold Buscho, Ph.D. 2025