I Started Doing Less as a Parent

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Like many high-achieving women, I used to believe that more was always the best mentality—in school, at work, and especially when it came to parenting. More involvement, more activities, more perfectly curated childhood experiences. As a physician, entrepreneur, and mom of twins, I was determined to "do it all"— working a 12-hour shift as an anesthesiologist, running multiple businesses, while still being the mom who packed Pinterest-worthy lunches and showed up to every school event.

I did it all. But was I really present?

At some point, I realized that the relentless pressure to be a “perfect mom” wasn’t just unsustainable—it was making me miserable. Ironically, it wasn’t making my kids any happier, either.

I started doing less. And I’ve never been a more present, joyful parent because of it.

Letting Go of the “Perfect Mom” Myth

Society tells working mothers—especially high-functioning professionals—that we can "have it all" if we just work harder, plan better, or hire more help. But in reality, that pursuit often leads to burnout, resentment, and guilt instead of fulfillment.

I used to believe that being a “good mom” meant orchestrating everything—coordinating schedules, micromanaging homework, signing up for every school event, and making sure my kids had the best of everything. The problem? I was so caught up in doing that, I wasn’t actually enjoying parenting.

When I finally stepped back, I asked myself: Are my kids truly happier because I’m running myself into the ground?

Shockingly, the answer was a hard, undeniable no.

What Doing Less Actually Looks Like

"Doing less" as a parent doesn’t mean neglecting my kids—it means prioritizing what actually matters instead of getting caught up in what looks good on the outside.

You might ask what that looks like exactly.

I don’t do it all by myself. I outsource where I can—whether that’s grocery delivery, a trusted sitter, or letting my kids be more independent in their daily tasks. I no longer check my kids’ homework after they say they’re done. I used to check their work to catch any mistakes so that they could fix them before turning it in. Now, when they say they're done,” I say, “Are you really? Did you double-check your answers?” And if they say yes, that’s it. I don’t remind them to put it in their folder or backpack. (My kids are 10, I know this may not work for families with younger children or those with special needs.) I don’t cook; my husband enjoys cooking, and I enjoy not cooking. If he’s not home or doesn’t feel like cooking, there are plenty of available options that allow us to have a hot, nutritious meal on the table that I didn’t make. Do I sometimes swing by the drive-through between carpool and the variety of extracurriculars I shuttle my kids to every afternoon? Of course. Hell, sometimes I’ll get myself an Oreo McFlurry and small fries. And why not? (I tend to live by the 80/20 rule, where I try to be good 80 percent of the time, and splurge a little on the other 20 percent).

I say no without guilt. I no longer sign up for every volunteer opportunity or overextend myself at school events. Once, I signed up to bring cookies for a party and was sweating bullets as I ran out of the OR and sped down the highway to get there in time. And my kids? They barely even noticed. Honestly, I could have door-dashed the cookies there, and it would have been the same. I was trying to prove that I could work and still do all the ‘mom things,’ and quite frankly, it wasn’t necessary.

I stopped over-scheduling. I used to feel pressured to enroll my kids in every activity. Mondays—tutoring. Tuesdays—swim. Wednesday—tennis. Thursdays—cheer. Friday—ballet. Saturday—tutoring and ballet. Sunday—tennis and swim. I know, even typing it out now makes me exhausted. Now, I prioritize unstructured time where they can be kids. I tell them to go outside and play. We take walks with the dogs. We make slime.

How Doing Less Made Me a Better Leader

What surprised me most? As I stepped back, my kids thrived. They became more independent, more adaptable, and more confident. And I finally started enjoying motherhood without the constant pressure to perform.

As a business leader, I’ve also realized that the best leaders don’t micromanage—they empower. The same is true in parenting. When I let go of control, my kids learn, grow, and gain confidence in themselves, just like a well-led team does.

The truth is, the pressure to “do it all” isn’t a badge of honor—it’s a trap. And sometimes, the best thing we can do for our families (and ourselves) is to do less, breathe more, and actually enjoy the life we’ve built.