Verified by How to Raise Twins
Parenting twins is no doubt hard and frustrating, and parents of multiples often do not think that they will survive. Parenting multiples is obviously physically difficult—feeding two, handling diapers, bathing two. But emotionally, twins share a bond that can sometimes result in double the challenge; twins have intertwined identities and fluid ego boundaries, which makes parenting them a demanding undertaking.
It's no surprise that parenting multiples is hard. The divorce rate is a clear indication of the struggle. The rate of dissolution is indeed higher for parents of multiples. About one-third of parents of multiples separate or divorce. Financial difficulties are often a root cause of these break-ups.
Because twins have a special bond, becoming familiar with the nuances of their relationship can help. Yet no matter what, keeping the peace between twins is similar to keeping the peace between any two siblings. Remaining calm is foremost, as is being consistent and fair. Also, keeping them apart may help. When the conflict subsides, they may well gravitate toward each other.
Many parents do indeed consistently favor one child over another. This applies to twins and multiples as well. This favoritism can manifest in different ways: more time spent with one child, more affection given, more privileges, less discipline, or less abuse.
Don't treat your twins as a unit, they are separate people and each is unique. Don't make one the bad twin, and the other the good twin. Don't expect the twins to parent each other. Each one deserves attention, just as any normal sibling requires.
It is normal for twins to experience intense separation anxiety when they are apart. Adult life may dictate twins to separate, and overwhelming feelings of loss can paralyze them. Twins often stay glued together emotionally even when they have to break physically apart.
Setting down policy one way or the other may not be that useful. There are many options that teachers can exercise if twins stay in the same classroom, such as having them work in separate groups or sit at separate tables. Often twins just need to be aware of where the other one is.
Always be consistent. Set the schedule. Make sure the twins aren’t being given too much time in bed. Put both twins into their cribs awake, not asleep. If one or both cry, re-enter the bedroom at increasing intervals of time (one minute, three minutes) to reassure them that you haven’t disappeared and to confirm that it’s time to go to sleep.
It's human nature to run to the crying baby first, but checking on the calm twin may be the wiser action. Otherwise, the quiet twin may not get the attention needed. Swaddling each infant may also help each baby feel safe and secure. Her flying arms and legs may otherwise startle them awake.
A mother of multiples can suffer more than other mothers. During pregnancy, the placenta produces the human chorionic gonadotropin, and the vomiting and nausea associated with pregnancy is an effect of the hormone.
The amount of breastmilk a mother produces depends on the demand. She will produce enough milk for one, two, three, four babies or more—increased demand will result in increased supply.
