How to Find Happiness
Happiness encompasses feelings of satisfaction and contentment and the drive to live a life of meaning, purpose, and depth. It involves creating strong relationships and helping others. It requires uncomfortable or painful experiences—to continue to learn, grow, and evolve.
Misperceptions abound when it comes to what really makes people happy. From pinning hopes of happiness on wealth, status, and possessions, to avoiding any feelings of distress, we are poor predictors of our own future happiness. But understanding what underlies happiness can help you take steps to achieve it.
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The Pillars of Happiness
Finding happiness will always be an ongoing process. As people strive to create a meaningful and joyful life, cultivating certain behaviors can help, including meaning, authenticity, optimism, gratitude, compassion, and generosity.
Living according to your values is a central component in the pursuit of happiness. If you don’t know which values are important to you, try this thought experiment: If you could wave a magic wand and instantly have everyone’s approval and admiration, what would you choose to do with your life? Take steps that adhere to those personal values.
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all formula for happiness, but certain steps can help people become happier on a daily basis. One is to take responsibility for your happiness, acknowledging that you can change your circumstances by taking action. Others are to put yourself first and practice living in the present moment.
Reformulating how you think about the underlying cause of negative events makes clear that optimism can be learned. Attributing a mistake or failure to insufficient effort rather than to a lack of ability provides motivation for people to improve and succeed the next time, research suggests. (Wondering how optimistic you are? Take our Optimism Test to find out.)
People who cultivate gratitude tend to better appreciate and enjoy life, as gratitude creates satisfaction that isn’t dependent on outside sources. To practice gratitude, reflect on what you’re grateful for each morning to shape the rest of the day, keep a gratitude journal, and reframe negative experiences by finding something within them for which you’re grateful.
Staying true to yourself—that is, authenticity—is a cornerstone of mental health, connected to self-esteem, vitality, and well-being. Societal norms and expectations sometimes lead people to act in ways that don’t align with their true self. Exploring your behavior and challenging those underlying assumptions can help you lead a more authentic life.
A meaningful life can be defined as one having worth, purpose, or value. People can then find meaning by creating value, such as by composing a beautiful song, forging a loving relationship, or committing to moral righteousness. Creating that value is an ability that can be learned and practiced.
Compassion is an undervalued key to happiness and well-being. Anxiety and depression are self-focused states, and helping others broadens perspective and dissolves self-focus. While money or possessions can provide short-term happiness, research suggests that compassion and service lead to long term happiness, health, and wisdom.
Mindfulness, Spirituality, and Religion
Mindfulness is a powerful way to cultivate happiness. It involves focusing on the present moment and observing thoughts and emotions without judging them. Simply acknowledging these feelings, rather than struggling against them, can help release their potency and negativity.
Spirituality and religion also have the capacity to create joy, community, and meaning. Abiding by the values of a given religion, which often include community, self-care, and a trusting relationship with one's god(s) can help individuals find health and happiness.
Practicing mindfulness is associated with experiencing more positive emotions, research suggests. Mindfulness involves slowing down and deliberately focusing on and appreciating aspects of your experience, as well as accepting your thoughts and emotions, viewing them with openness, curiosity, and kindness. The ability to release control and criticism may be the reason why mindfulness matters in the pursuit of happiness.
You can build the skills necessary for mindfulness in meditation sessions or in smaller moments throughout the day. Draw your attention to your breath, and to the sensations of your body and surroundings. Observe the thoughts and emotions you experience without judgment, simply acknowledging and labeling them. At a later time, exploring why those emotions surfaced may help address underlying challenges.
Research has found a consistent association between psychological well-being and religiosity/spirituality; there are also connections to better health, such as lower rates of smoking and alcohol use, better sleep, and even a longer lifespan. Yet there are elements of religions that can cause distress in some cases, such as feelings of guilt or shame. What's more, researchers caution that the link between religion and well-being isn't necessarily causal; instead, other factors, such as the community or sense of purpose that religion often provides, are thought to drive this association.
Three key reasons may explain the association between religion/spirituality and well-being. Many religions emphasize social support, and some institutions run support groups for community members. Religions often encourage taking care of the body and mind, leading to better health habits. Religion can also foster coping skills, such as through a trusting relationship with god or other people.
Relationships
Above and beyond finances, intelligence, or hometown, relationships are a crucial determinant of happiness. Deep connections with family, friends, and romantic partners fulfill a basic human need for belonging. Investing time and energy to create and maintain those connections is therefore a central component of finding happiness.
Love, health, and happiness are closely intertwined. Relationships provide acceptance, support, and safety, and they’re one of the most important keys to happiness and health. We benefit from close and nurturing relationships whether with a spouse, parent, colleague, or friend.
Certain choices are especially important in creating a happy, successful relationship. Being attentive and supportive, willing to work through differences, sharing household responsibilities, discussing sex honestly, being affectionate, and practicing gratitude are among the behaviors that boost relationship satisfaction over the long term.
Married people tend to experience a boost in happiness in the early days of their relationship, but their happiness later returns to baseline. Some research suggests that aside from that boost, single people and married people have similar levels of happiness—perhaps, researchers speculate, because single people tend to have more active social lives. And despite stereotypes, many single people—particularly those who embrace singlehood and see it as an expression of their authentic self—are actively flourishing.
Careers and Money
Committing to work that aligns with your values can instill meaning and fulfillment. You may, for instance, prioritize creativity, travel opportunities, or financial stability for your family. Understanding your values can help determine which job options will bring you happiness.
Happiness also depends on factors such as whether the work is engaging, whether you’re skilled at your job, and whether you like the people you work with. A job that meets your basic needs is important too, including fair compensation, reasonable hours, a manageable commute, and job security.
People view employment in different ways: Some see a job as a way to make money; some see it as a path to success and prestige; and some see it as integral to their identity and life. The latter often find their work more meaningful and their lives more satisfying. Identifying your orientation can help you understand which choices could make them happier at work.
We're often taught that if we work hard, we'll be happy—but the truth isn't quite so simple. One classic psychological theory suggests that the relationship between happiness and productivity is in fact bidirectional—meaning that positive emotions promote productivity and career success, which in turn promote more positive emotions. Yet more recent research has challenged this so-called "happy-productive worker hypothesis," arguing that the relationship between happiness and productivity is influenced not just by individual factors but by organizational and contextual factors, too—meaning things like workplace culture, management norms, and economic conditions can shape the relationship between happiness and job performance in sometimes surprising ways.
Many people feel unhappy at their jobs, but the answer might not be to find a new position. Research shows that people experience a burst of happiness after getting a promotion or new job, but that change tends to disappear after about a year. What boosts happiness is the process of working toward challenging goals, which provides structure, meaning, and the opportunity to master new skills.
Money can in a sense "buy" happiness, to the point that it lifts people out of poverty and allows them to live comfortably. Yet beyond that point, money doesn’t usually boost well-being. On the other hand, research suggests that money has a greater impact on overall happiness—stepping back and considering whether we’re satisfied with life—than the emotions people feel on a day to day basis.
