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Gamophobia
Gamophobia, or the fear of marriage or commitment, is derived from the Greek word gamos, or marriage. People who have this fear are chronically wary about entering into relationships; even contemplating the idea of marriage or long-term unions makes them feel guarded. Instead, they hop from one casual hookup to the next. Gamophobia is an interpersonal tendency, it is not a diagnosis and it is not listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.
When a person has gamophobia, there may be different influences at play. The person may have:
- a fear being of rejected or abandoned
- different ideas about commitment and what it means
- negative beliefs about marriage and long-term relationships
- a problem with attachment stemming from childhood caregivers
- suffered an experience such as a bad breakup
- suffered infidelity in a past relationship
- fears of losing their identity
- witnessed the relationship failures of loved ones
Any of these influences can affect a person’s attitude and beliefs. The fear can be intense, excessive, and or unreasonable.
Gamophobia can be like other phobias, where the person suffers dread that may bring on sweating, tremors, dizziness, rapid breathing, chest pain, increased heart rate, or other physical sensations.
In healthy long-term relationships, partners must share their lives, thoughts, and emotions. Opening up in this way may feel uncomfortable for people who fear commitment. For such individuals, the idea of exposing their feelings may lead them to hold back.
They may have fears about losing their freedom. To them, a long-term relationship may lead to forfeiting personal independence, taking on shared responsibilities, and combined financial burdens. In addition, the person may not be accustomed to joint decision-making.
Parenting styles that are neglectful or authoritarian can affect feelings of insecurity for some people later in life. However, responsive caregiving may lead to healthier emotional bonds with others. Different types of insecure attachment styles include anxious or ambivalent, avoidant, or disorganized.
Cultural tropes may have you believe that men are more fearful of commitment, but some women also avoid long-term commitments, according to research in the journal Psychological Reports.
While gamophobia refers to the fear of commitment, philophobia refers to a general fear of falling in love, feeling emotional attachment, or being intimate. The latter greatly affects a person’s ability to form emotional bonds or engage in meaningful relationships
While polyamorous individuals may appear commitment-phobic, people who practice polyamory might argue that they are willing to commit to a primary partner, as well as to engage in lesser committments with other partners. In polygamous relationships, individuals are committed to more than one person.
People can and do overcome marriage and commitment phobia. It helps to start with one's beliefs about marriage and long-term relationships, as well as their fears about attachment. Being open and honest will promote security and stability. A therapist can also help a person overcome their fears.
Commitment-phobic people are not always honest with themselves, and if they are in a relationship, they may not be honest with the other person, either. It may help to pinpoint the root cause—a fear of abandonment, negative beliefs about relationships, or other sources. In addition, being exposed to healthy relationships can be a helpful example of role modeling.
Therapy can help a person face fears of many sorts, including those related to interpersonal commitment. Cognitive behavioral therapy is effective for many concerns both intrapsychic and interpersonal. If the individual is in a relationship, couples therapy may be helpful as well.
