How to Spot Mr. Right

Finding love is a little like finding the right pair of shoes. I don't own stilettos only because I may break my neck, and I don't bother with Doc Martens because I may break someone else's neck. There are all kinds of shoes out there—the proper, the whimsical, and of course the loud. But for the longest time, I seemed to gravitate toward the wrong fit. To be honest, I don't even know why some just rubbed me the wrong way. Indeed, it's all a bit of a mystery.

I recently came across the book The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love. The title, though, was enough to give me indigestion. Still, I wanted to peruse it for the sake of curiosity. Author and psychiatrist Paul Dobransky, also known as Dr. Paul, separates people into four categories: Kings-Queens, Warriors, Magicians, and Lovers. I liked the sound of it—there's a certain romantic ring here. But what's the gist?

In effect: Seek your opposite.

Seems simple enough. But don't get too excited, Dobransky has a system to abide by. So if you are anything like me (and I'm not very systematic), you will need a lot of help. (And anyway, I rarely know what I'm supposed to look for.) However, first things first, I needed to see where I fit in this paradigm. Am I the King-Queen personality type? I don't feel much like a queen, but it wouldn't hurt to keep an open mind. According to the author, this left-brained individual is nurturing but likes details and orderly rules (no, not me). She's also quite systematic and analytical (not me again), often proper (nope, not me), and a person who rules her land like an effective queen should (definitely not me).

I better move on to the Warrior—though the title doesn't seem to fit my character much either. The left-brained Warrior is confident, analytical, and organized. She's not too wild or dramatic and she follows rules but doesn't come up with them. She will win her battles. Many are business or technical minded. At first glance, I knew I was not this type. So what about the Magician? I'm into disappearing acts, but this label seemed wrong for me as well. This right-brained person is outgoing and confident. She's creative, assertive, and quick to show her fireworks—magicians make great salespeople and performers.

I saved the Lover for last (I know I'm right-brained). The Lover can tell you a story. She's nurturing and not so interested in being proper or dignified. (No. I am not very dignified.) These people are creative, soft, sensitive, and not that fussy about rules. A lot of writers, artists, and poets fall into this category. Of course, I seem to fit right in here with no hesitation. Now I knew my persona, but what about my man?

If we really do seek out our opposites then remember that the Queen and Magician make the perfect match—Magicians want to entertain their Queens, and Queens nurture and steady their Magicians. On the other end, Lovers and Warriors are made for each other—Warriors will wage wars for their Lovers, and Lovers will win over their Warriors with boundless creativity. Lovers are so different from Warriors that each baffles the other.

I was once married to a Magician, and Dobransky rightly guessed it was a poor match. His creative magic tricks needed a systematic ruler, and my endless story telling needed a captivated warrior. That's also why a Queen and King under one roof may feel bored with each other, or two Magicians might try to outperform one another, according to Dobransky.

But I had to admit I was still a little mystified by this system. People are not so cut and dry. I may have a bit of tough Warrior in me or maybe even a little outlandish Magician as well. Dobransky, however, covers that territory, too. As we reach relationship maturity, we do start to resemble one another more. This makes sense. As we grow, we become more emotionally and intellectually balanced. How else can we bond in thorough fashion?

Still, what little bit of Warrior I have in me, I am a Lover for life.