Essential Reads

What We Really Want—And Almost Never Get

The secret desire that makes or breaks relationships.

5 Things Extroverts Who Love Introverts Should Know

(And they're not what you think.)

Getting to the Source

Confessions of a Replication Scientist

Why You Shouldn’t Give Friends Unsolicited Love Advice

Unwanted advice is more likely to harm than help the recipient.

Recent Posts on Relationships

What We Really Want—And Almost Never Get

The problem in relationship is that we don't dare to ask for what we really want. Most of all, we just want to be listened to, not changed, not fixed, and not judged. What if we could risk asking for what we really need?

As the Seasons Change

We need to trust our process and reap what we sow.

Siblings for Life or Friends Forever? Adult Sibling Rivalry

What do you do when sibling rivalry follows you into adulthood?

Intimate Relationship Dynamics Part II: Pursuer-Distancer

If the body decides that you have an addiction, the mind decides that you have an emotional need.

Deal or No Deal? Exploring Relationship Deal Breakers

What are the turn-ons and what are the turn-offs when you scan the personal ads? What happens when the "dream date" turns into a "worst case scenario"?

17 Tips to September Love and Gratitude

By Rita Watson MPH on September 03, 2015 in With Love and Gratitude
With glorious sunsets and a changing season, September is the time to cultivate gratitude and love.

What is Brainlock?

Now you get it: You are trapped—by your own brain activity and chemistry, by developmental patterns from the past, by the way your patterns and your partner's patterns interlock with one another, and by social forces that are hard to see. Read about how this becomes "Brainlock" and cements you (in a plural sense) into a state of irrelationship.

5 Things Extroverts Who Love Introverts Should Know

By Sophia Dembling on September 03, 2015 in The Introvert's Corner
"Because introversion" is not the end of the discussion.

Charlie: The Feral Dog Who Came in From the Wild

By Marc Bekoff Ph.D. on September 03, 2015 in Animal Emotions
A new book about a feral dog called "Charlie: The Dog Who Came in From the Wild" by Lisa Tenzin-Dolma shows the importance of shared trust, love, and deep commitment when one chooses to live with a "difficult dog" who came to the author with very special needs that could only be satisfied by a very special human being. This is a most important book for humans and dogs.

My Boyfriend Died Because I Failed to Make a Phone Call

By Temma Ehrenfeld on September 03, 2015 in Open Gently
Is his privacy more important than his life?

What Is the Female Social Code?

By Barbara Greenberg Ph.D. on September 03, 2015 in The Teen Doctor
How To Handle Complicated Friend/Boyfriend Situations

Getting Along With Others: Parenting for Social Intelligence

Children and teens can experience social challenges at any point during the school year. Social context—including opportunities for interaction and collaboration with others—makes an enormous difference in what and how much children learn, and how quickly that happens. Here are eight practical tips for parents to help kids build positive relationships.

My Best Tweets: Part V

By Marty Nemko Ph.D. on September 03, 2015 in How To Do Life
22 of my best ideas on work & on relationships, each in just a sentence or two.

Getting to the Source

Reflecting on all the buzz about the "Reproducibility Project," I thought it might be worthwhile to provide some perspective from one of the 270 cast members in the Collaboration about what the experience was like - and intended to be - on our side of the fence.

Why You Shouldn’t Give Friends Unsolicited Love Advice

By Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D. on September 02, 2015 in Close Encounters
Despite our good intentions, our advice to our loved ones may not be welcome... and may not be helpful either. Giving unsolicited advice, particularly unsolicited advice about someone’s relationship, is fraught with difficulties. Here are some reasons why you should reconsider before giving unwanted advice.

Avoiding Ashley Madison

By Wendy L. Patrick Ph.D. on September 02, 2015 in Why Bad Looks Good
You cannot "spot" a cheater, but you may be able to "detect" one if you know what to look for and where to look.

Now You See It, Now You Don’t: The Many Faces of Narcissism

By Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. on September 02, 2015 in Evolution of the Self
Are writers on narcissism perhaps too quick to declare this core personality attribute dysfunctional? For in one way or another, narcissistic traits exist in us all. And those seriously lacking in narcissism—as in healthy narcissism—may be just as troubled, and have just as badly distorted a self-image, as those pernicious individuals “super-saturated” with it.

Yes, You Can Improve All Your Relationships

By Temma Ehrenfeld on September 02, 2015 in Open Gently
Better listening saves relationships.

Life is Short… and so Could Be Your Marriage

By Stan Tatkin Psy.D. on September 01, 2015 in The Puzzle of Love
There is no such thing as “safe” infidelity. Couples who want to stay together need to appreciate the importance of establishing safety and security within their relationship.

This Trait Costs Men Money, but Makes Them Marriage Material

By Jared DeFife Ph.D. on September 01, 2015 in The Shrink Tank
Would you rather have a broke partner or a broken heart?

3 Steps to Decode Your Fight

By Andrea Brandt Ph.D. M.F.T. on September 01, 2015 in Mindful Anger
Are you tired of having the exact same argument with your partner? These three steps can shed a lot of light of your situation.

What Happens When a Narcissist's Love Turns Into Rage

No one like being rejected or left, but for narcissistic individuals, a rejection can become the stimulus for a dangerous over-reaction. If you’ve ever been the target of one of these attacks, you know how frightening it can be. Understanding the cause of your ex’s rage can help both of you cope more reasonably.

Are You in Love With a Narcissist and Still Hopeful?

By Peg Streep on September 01, 2015 in Tech Support
It's true enough that most of us hang in far longer than we should in toxic relationships, especially with a narcissistic partner. Some of that has to do with hopefulness that our partner and relationship will change. Is that magical thinking? Looking at recent research....

4 Ways to Use Your Words to Build Romance

It is often hard to know how to talk to a potential romantic partner, date, or sexy stranger. What can you say to help build an emotional connection and get them to pick you? According to speed dating research, there are a few tips that can make even four minutes of conversation enough time to get someone to bond, connect, and click. Read on to find out how...

Want to be a Parent?

By Kimerer LaMothe Ph.D. on August 31, 2015 in What a Body Knows
Parents are not rational. Children are not choices. Neither parents nor children are individuals. Rather, parents and children emerge together, in relation to one another, expressions of life itself, as a potential matrix of mutually enabling loves.

Seven Tips for Kissing Like You Mean It

By Jennifer Haupt on August 31, 2015 in One True Thing
My husband of 25 years and I recently attended Kissing School, the brainchild of Seattle psychotherapist Cherie Byrd. Here's what we learned after seven hours of smoothing.

3 Long-Term Investments for Lasting Love

When the physical hunger starts to wane, what can you do to keep the fire of steady love stoked?

Your Opportunity to Move

Dr. Segar, who directs the Sport, Health and Activity Research and Policy Center at the University of Michigan, extols the virtues of our innate opportunity to move through space or water at our own will and in our own way. Taking this concept to its logical completion we begin to understand the vast importance of her thinking.

For the Sake of the Children

By Mel Schwartz L.C.S.W. on August 31, 2015 in A Shift of Mind
Many people in unhappy or conflicted marriages stay together for the purported sake of the children. This article examines this premise and explores what's really best for our children.

What Is Love?

By Paul Thagard Ph.D. on August 31, 2015 in Hot Thought
The best way to state the nature of love is to identify standard examples, typical features, and explanatory roles. Love is an emotion consisting of patterns of neural firing that represent a lover, a loved one, intense feelings, and caring behavior, all tied to chemical changes in the brain.