Essential Reads

Sex in the Head

What may look like pure physical arousal is usually much more complicated.

Obama and Netanyahu in Family Therapy

Mr. President and Mr. Prime Minister, for the sake of world peace, call me.

Should You Make Choices for Your Kids?

Tuning in—or being tuned out

Recent Posts on Relationships


I wish that the stepmothers in my practice could listen in on each other's conversations. If they could, they would see how common it is to feel the way that they do and they might not feel so alone and isolated. So, since I can't let them eavesdrop, I'm listing the most common complaints that I hear. Tune in for more details in the coming weeks.

On Tax Breaks, Emotional Commitments, and the Myth of the Transformative Power of Marriage

By Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on March 17, 2010 in Living Single
Instead of generating reasons why getting married makes you lastingly happier (since it doesn't), let's see if we can figure out why, despite all the matrimania and the singlism, the vast majority of single people live happy and healthy lives filled with sustained emotional connections. (Yes, studies show that.) 

Trust in Yourself

Sometimes it only takes one person to determine that nobody is in fact trustworthy. In the process, we often lose trust in ourselves—simply because our judgment of the person or circumstance was incorrect—and we then wonder how we can believe our own judgment. 

Marriage Gives the Only Tax Break for Commitment

By Ilana Simons Ph.D. on March 17, 2010 in The Literary Mind
Our culture hasn't developed many institutions--other than marriage--for ongoing emotional attention. If you don't have a good spouse (or luck out with other caring family members, or a good shrink), you're largely living in a world in which interactions are legitimized by profit.

The Blind Side: When The One You Love Cheats

By Ann Smith on March 17, 2010 in Healthy Connections
Cheaters have been big news lately from Tiger Woods to John Edwards. The media asks who does it, why they do it, signs to look for, types of cheaters and is it an addiction? Although that discussion is important it tends to neglect the equally important questions of what is it like for the partner of a cheater, who are they, how do they feel, do they ever recover and how do they decide whether to stay or leave?

Candlesticks and Condos

By Michael F. Kay on March 17, 2010 in Financial Life Focus
We are so distracted by the complexities life, family, work and the ‘shoulds' that we do not take the time to think about what we truly value.

Stop Criticizing Your Mate!--Re-Learning What You Once Knew

 If you're married or in a committed relationship, odds are that it doesn't begin to live up to that near-idyllic time of courtship. Why? Simply because during courtship, once your partner had endeared themselves to you, you knew better than to threaten the relationship by criticizing them. . . .

Time to Renegotiate Monogamy?

By Christopher Ryan on March 17, 2010 in Sex at Dawn
In time, we'll come to accept affairs in the same way that we've come to accept premarital sex and homosexuality: not as deviancies, weaknesses or sin, but as part of who we are and how we love.

Why It Pays To Be Foolish in Love (and Sex)

Some years ago, my heart broke very badly after a relationship that, even as it was beginning, I knew probably could not last. I could say that I wish that it was the only time that my heart had ever broken, but I'd be lying. It's not that I enjoy heartbreak. The tissues I sobbed into and the Tylenol PM that I took in order to fall asleep those first couple of nights would tell you a story of just how much I don't like to experience hurt.But here's the thing: this heartbreak and willingness to try again is central to a point that I want to make: namely, that I think it pays to be foolish in love and in sex.

Single, No Children: Who's Your Family?

By Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on March 15, 2010 in Living Single
If you are single and have no children, who counts as family to you? That's the question I was asked to address in a chapter I will be writing. I would love to hear your ideas and suggestions. 

Limit setting tips for friend who is always late

By Randi Kreger on March 15, 2010 in Stop Walking on Eggshells
Practical tips for limit setting with late friends

The Meaning of 'Relationship': Notes from a Party

By Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on March 13, 2010 in Living Single
If you have a friend, a sibling, a parent, a child, a cousin, a coworker, a neighbor, or just about any other person in your life, and you maintain a connection with that person, you have a relationship. You are in a relationship. 

Searching For Your Ex-Lover: The Value of Nostalgia

Alongside with the increasing rate of divorce and separation in modern society, we are witnessing a greater tendency to search for ex-lovers. Is such a search able to rekindle past loves and make them continue longer? The answer seems to be positive. 

Monogamy: are we - can we be - monogamous?

By Sue Johnson on March 12, 2010 in Hold Me Tight
When I ask this question, people look at me with surprise and answer derisively.

Questions On Marriage, Monogamy, and Multiple Relationship

A recent conversation with some colleagues brought us all to the rather stark realization that we had consistently experienced clients who had maintained on-going social, emotional, or sexual extra-marital affairs, but demonstrated no intention of leaving their primary relationship and, in fact, typically espoused quite the opposite.

Living in Sin (After 50): Part III

In less than 10 years, the number of people over 50 that are living together has just about doubled to more than two million . As I mentioned in my previous blogs, for older singles that have already had children or been through a divorce, moving in together is often their final goal. They are interested in companionship and not in building a whole new family life. Is sharing digs a good move for these singles? Will it help or hurt the development of a deeper dedication and caring in the couple?