Essential Reads

Why We Hate It When People Invade Our Space

John Travolta and Joe Biden put it in the news, but it's an everyday problem.

Does Science Really Say That Hot Guys Are Jerks?

Our new study suggests that better-looking men are more selfish.

Having a Baby: When You Don't Agree

Different visions? Find the problem under the problem.

What Color Should You Wear on a First Date?

What primates can teach us about attracting a mate

Recent Posts on Relationships

The Very Best Investment

By Sue Johnson on February 11, 2010 in Hold Me Tight
"Love conquers everything except poverty and toothache" - Mae West

Rielle Hunter and John Edwards: Can this be love?

By Stanton Peele on February 11, 2010 in Addiction in Society
John Edwards cheated on cancer-stricken wife Elizabeth with Rielle Hunter, producing a love child, during Edwards' run for the presidency.  As the melodrama continued, Edwards first denied the affair, then paternity, then that he was continuing to see Hunter.  Finally, after admitting he was the father, and being kicked out by Elizabeth, according to the Enquirer Edwards proposed to Hunter, and she accepted!  Is this love?  Is it desperation?  Is it madness?  Is it addiction?

John Mayer's "Very" Wide-Open Window Into U.S. Race Relations

By Mikhail Lyubansky Ph.D. on February 11, 2010 in Between the Lines
If you aren't up on U.S. slang, a "hood pass" (more often called a "ghetto pass") is usually a verbal expression of approval by a person of color toward a white person. It is intended to convey that the white person has enough positive rep or credibility to come to "my" neighborhood and hang out with "my" people.

Do the Clothes Make the Man?

By Gad Saad Ph.D. on February 10, 2010 in Homo Consumericus
Women's perceived attractiveness of a man is highly dependent on the socioeconomic status that is signaled by his attire. Furthermore, the likelihood of a woman partaking in any one of six types of relationships with a given man is dependent on the status of his clothes. 

Can You Live With Someone Who Never Says "I Love You"? Part 1

You might want to consider the possibility that the person who doesn't say "I love you" doesn't love you. Once you get some perspective, what's impossible to face is often easy to see.

Modern technology as intimacy’s enemy: Are we all “Up in the Air?”

Relationships with families, lovers, and friends, are costly.  Modern technology -- in the form of planes that allow us to move far away, and communication devices such as cell phones and computers that allow us to maintain some semblance of contact -- can free us from those costs. But at what price?  

Beyond Valentine's: Making the Holiday Work for Singles

By Ann Smith on February 10, 2010 in Healthy Connections
I regularly hear from relatives, friends and clients about the awkwardness, disappointment and yes joy in the celebration of Valentine's Day. Today, the pressure is on to be "in love" on Valentine's Day. That can cause jitters for even the sturdiest of single folks.

The Annual Marital Performance Review

By Sam Margulies on February 10, 2010 in Divorce for Grownups
 If more couples used an annual performance review with each other, marital difficulties would be identified before it is too late.

Intimacy for Infertile Couples: Lovemaking or Baby Making?

As Valentine's Day approaches, my thoughts focus in unique directions, given my experience as a therapist working exclusively with infertile clients. Couples who have difficulty conceiving or carrying a pregnancy to a healthy birth often find themselves shifting their love making to "baby making."

Bullies Bully--and Kids Kid, Right?

By Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. on February 09, 2010 in Evolution of the Self
 It's no coincidence that children everywhere tease one another. They can hardly help it. It's fun for them, a game. That's why I view the verb "kid" as deriving quite naturally from the noun form of the word. Kidding is simply what kids do. And what's the object of this well-nigh universal game? Well, that's easy enough to answer. . . .

How To Become A Racial Justice Activist: A Primer For Young People

By Mikhail Lyubansky Ph.D. on February 09, 2010 in Between the Lines
When it comes to activism, students often feel powerless. After all, they argue, they don't have the ability to change laws and rules or even influence how existing ones are interpreted. Being students, which, by definition, means to be in the process of learning rather than leading - they feel that few people take them seriously.

Lula, Obama, and Race

When Brazil's President Lula said "I am a fan of Obama. He is the first US president who has our face." what did he mean? Was it a racially insensitive comment? Might it have different meanings to Brazilians and Americans? 

What Your Sleeping Positions Reveal About Your Relationship

By Mark Goulston M.D., F.A.P.A. on February 08, 2010 in Just Listen
Do you like to snuggle up to your honey under the covers, or are you the type who needs your space? Your behavior in bed may be trying to tell you something important about the health of your relationship.

Seeking a happy relationship? Seek this trait!

By Karen Salmansohn on February 08, 2010 in Bouncing Back
Seeking love? There are 5 essential traits to prioritize finding in your partner - and none of them are sexiness, intelligence, funniness, successfulness, or charisma! 

Unfathomable Even to Brilliant, Kind, and Open Minds: The Securely Single

By Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on February 08, 2010 in Living Single
I've been studying singles, single life, and perceptions and stereotypes of singles for more than a decade. One of the most resistant myths is that no one can be truly secure in their single status. Even the most brilliant, kind, and open-minded thinkers get tripped up by their inability to appreciate that single people can be happily and securely single. A recent Psych Today post describing single people as fragile, bitter, vibrator-clutching, porn-watching, and resentful of happily coupled people is a telling example of this. Also, I offer advice for couples on Valentine's Day. 

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Nice Genes!

By Shawn T. Smith Psy.D. on February 08, 2010 in Ironshrink
Valentine’s Day is a time to reflect upon questions of eros and romance, such as: what evolutionarily-derived mate selection strategy offers the greatest likelihood of getting lucky? Turns out, you may not be choosing mates the way you think you are. 

The Supportive Spouse: How to Get the Right Kind of Emotional Support

By Joni E Johnston Psy.D. on February 08, 2010 in The Human Equation
We all want a supportive spouse. Here's how to get the right amount and the best kind when we need it.

To be or not to be (in love): That is the question

By Jen Kim on February 08, 2010 in Valley Girl With a Brain
Single, Coupled, White Day and HPV: a twenty-something's philosophy on Valentine's Day

What Do Men and Women Want? Ask the Superbowl Ads

By Wednesday Martin Ph.D. on February 08, 2010 in Stepmonster
From locker room towel-snapping to abbreviated chick-lit for all, the Superbowl spots have, as ever, told us a story about ourselves.

My Super Bowl

By Sascha Rothchild on February 07, 2010 in I'm No Expert, But...
I never understood why grown intelligent men yelled at the TV, wore team jerseys even at home and truly felt anguish over a loss like it was their own puppy that died. Or conversely felt proud of a win, like their energy and will alone helped propel the team to victory. I have had coutless sterotypical arguments with boyfriends about being a "football widow" and I just didn't get sports fanaticism until my ex-husband said something brilliant, "Reality shows are your sports." According to Nielsen ratings, reality shows are sports for many other women as well. They are filled with protagonists, villians, competition, desire and drama.

Do You Suffer From Prince Harming Syndrome?

By Karen Salmansohn on February 07, 2010 in Bouncing Back
Does your "love life" feel more like a "angst life" or an "I wanna strangle 'em life"? If so, listen to same old old advice - from the 300's BC. Aristotle offers some timeless love tips for how to improve your love life -- and be better able to suss out the difference between a Prince Charming and a Prince Harming!