Essential Reads

Living With a Control Freak? Some Sanity Tips

Control: Like most things it’s not about what you think and not personal

Breakup: How to Tell If You Suffer from Complicated Grief

The emotional responses to a severe breakup can resemble the responses to death.

When Women Use Jealousy

Surprising benefits of rousing the green-eyed monster

If You Judge People, You Have No Time To Love Them

Missing Out on Enjoying The People in Our Lives

Recent Posts on Relationships

Kids of BGLQT families – how do they fare in school?

A recent study published in the highly respected journal, Pediatrics, has been making a splash all week in the blogosphere. Headlines range from "Children Raised by Lesbian Parents Have Excellent Outcomes" to "Children of Lesbian Parents Do Better than Their Peers". One of the lesser reported findings of this 17-year study is that children who have been targeted for bullying and harassment because of the sexual orientation of their parents had more behavioural problems. So are children from bisexual, gay, lesbian, transgender, and queer (BGLTQ) -headed families really thriving at school? Or are they also targets for bullies who struggle for acceptance and academic success? What can schools do to support students from BGLQT-parented families?

It's hard to say goodbye to a BFF---even if she's a narcissist

QUESTIONDear Irene,I met my former BFF on the first day of college almost nine years ago. A year later, I went to a party she was throwing and met my now fiancé, who is great friends with her brothers. She was always a high maintenance friend; she was more concerned with having tons of friends and living the wild college life, rather than issues I was struggling with at 19 (becoming financially independent from my parents, paying for school on my own, and keeping a roof over my head). I stopped talking to her after a year out of frustration with the way she degraded my struggle to pay to fix my broken down car and suggested I just ask my parents for the money. 

I Like You and Everything About You

By Art Markman Ph.D. on June 11, 2010 in Ulterior Motives
When you look back over your relationships with people there is a common pattern. You meet them and you feel an overall sense that you like them. If something goes wrong with the relationship you look back and realize that there were all sorts of other attributes that you didn't notice, and then you blame yourself for not seeing the negatives from the beginning.

That Spinster Stigma Study: Others Are Intrusive or They Ignore You

By Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on June 10, 2010 in Living Single
Even though single people comprise about 45% of the population of Americans 18 and older, they still feel stigmatized. A forthcoming study documented ways in which singles sometimes feel too visible (as when others ask them inappropriate questions or push them to participate in a bouquet-toss ritual) and other times feel invisible (as when their families of origin become totally focused on their siblings who have a spouse and kids). 

Why are therapists down on alternative sex?

By David J Ley Ph.D. on June 10, 2010 in Women Who Stray
I've seen multiple women and men who have shared that they have not told their doctors or therapists about their alternative sexual relationships, due to fear of condemnation, or due to the rejection they've already experienced when they were open about their marriages.

Mars and Venus at the Video Arcade

By Sam Sommers on June 10, 2010 in Science Of Small Talk
We like easy answers. W're particularly fond of turning to biology to explain human nature. Take apparent gender differences in how we think and act: Fields like math and science are male-dominated? Well, men must have more natural aptitude for this type of thinking, at least at the high end of the talent distribution. School-aged girls outperform boys on reading and writing? Probably similar processes at play, just in reverse–the female brain must be better suited for such tasks. But don't these Mars and Venus intuitions make for *too* easy an answer?

Make Life Flow

Make your life have a flow and rhythm all its own. 

Infertility Counseling: Getting the most out of therapy

If you never have been in therapy before, or if you are beginning a relationship with a new therapist, or if earlier counseling experiences have had nothing to do with your infertility, you probably are feeling perched on the brink of a new opportunity and a new challenge.  Undoubtedly you already are receiving either a diagnostic workup or medical treatment for your infertility, and your decision to seek counseling is an important step in handling the many emotions that emerge in this process.  So now that you and your counselor are beginning your relationship, how can you get the most out of the therapeutic experience? 

Learning to Kill: Why Spouses Who Keep Secrets are Desirable

By Wednesday Martin Ph.D. on June 09, 2010 in Stepmonster
Sometimes the very practices and habits that nurture love are the ones that hamper lust. That's where privacy, secrets, and thrill-seeking come in.

Susan Isn’t a “Survivor”

By Margaret Moore on June 09, 2010 in Life Changes
Susan isn't a survivor; Susan is a thriver. And, she thanks God for it every day. Susan is thriving with Stage 4 cancer and is on a journey to live into her purpose. 

What Everybody Ought to Know About Aspergers and Marriage

By Stephen Borgman on June 08, 2010 in Spectrum Solutions
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." -Groucho Marx

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

 After 9 years of living next to Hostile Harry, I'm hoping a good fence will make a better neighbor!

Dogs to Dye For: Extreme Canine Fashions

Dogs have been used as fashion statments in the past, however now they are being dyed for special occasions. The Chinese are even clippind and dying dogs to make them look like other animals.

Battling It Out

Having a satisfying, healthy relationship with your partner doesn't mean never fighting - it means learning to fight well. Like me, you've probably often heard that little piece of wisdom, and wondered what in the world it means. How exactly do you fight well? What is the best way for two people to cope with their anger, frustration, and hurt, without undermining their mutual happiness?

Copying Others When Choosing A Mate

By Daniel R. Hawes Ph.D. on June 08, 2010 in Quilted Science
Mate choice copying has often been reported for non-human animals.A recent study looks at mate choice copying for human attractivness ratings and willingness to engage in romantic relationships.

The Power of Witnessing One Another

One of the greatest gifts we can give one another is to truly "look" without judgment or criticism, at who the other person is. When a person has trouble forming or finding words and is unable to communicate clearly, so often other people experience him or her as mentally deficient. We fail to stop and realize that the inner person is whole even if the outer person appears impaired.

Paradox governs our lives

By Gordon S Livingston M.D. on June 06, 2010 in Lifelines
     Amid all this diagnosing and describing of human behavior, we are still confronted with the essential questions of how to live, how to discern what it is that we are responsible for, and what we must accommodate.

Find The Real You

Why does it sometimes feel the older we get the less we know about ourselves?

Darling, do you love me because we met when you were lonely?

Does loving someone depend upon the circumstances of the initial meeting? If a sense of loneliness is a crucial factor in choosing a partner, does this mean that the relationship is a compromise? Can love that is generated in this manner endure for a long time?