Essential Reads

7 Ways to Combat Facebook Jealousy

Envy on social media is real and depressing; here's how to fight it.

It's Time to Take the "Positive" Out of Positive Psychology

Being kind, caring, and compassionate may not always lead to greater well-being.

Getting to Yes with Yourself

The first step in any difficult conversation.

The Benefits of Embracing the Ordinary

Why you should take the time to capture the mundane in your everyday life

Recent Posts on Relationships

Deafening Silence

Have you been the recipient of any good passive aggressive gifts?  Is someone in your life trying to prove their point and express their hostility wordlessly?  

Dealing with the Put-Downs

By Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on August 04, 2010 in Living Single
How should you react when other people put you down, make snide remarks, or refuse to recognize your accomplishments?

Empathetic People Are More Courageous

"We tend to make assumptions about things we don't understand and this usually leads to us assuming the worst case scenario."

Why Get Married? The Value of Commitment

One question that commenters often ask in response to any posts regarding marriage, divorce, or adultery, is "why get married at all?" Why isn't love enough? Why do people have to make commitments in front of (take your pick) God, the state, family, friend, the community, etc.?

The New Monogamy

By Deborah Anapol Ph.D. on August 02, 2010 in Love Without Limits
The new monogamy recognizes that commitment and fidelity may be more fluid than we once thought. The key to making it work is honesty in making implicit assumptions about what marriage means explicit and working out any differences together.

Goodbye Summer 2010

As the Summer of 2010 is quickly coming to an end, the thoughts of returning to school begin to surface. For some teens, going back to school is exciting. You get to see old friends, make new ones, compare and discuss vacations and other summer experiences. To others, the thought of returning to school is a dreaded one.

It’s True: They’re Mad at You for CHOOSING to Be Single

By Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on August 02, 2010 in Living Single
A study conducted in Israel revealed some of the same stereotypes of single people that have been documented in other countries such as the U.S. and Germany. The authors also found that singles who said that they chose to be single were viewed more harshly and elicited more negative emotional reactions than singles who said that they were looking for a long-term romantic partnership. 

Money Buys Unhappiness

In a new study, published in the current issue of Psychological Science, Jordi Quoidbach and three colleagues demonstrate that money-even the thought of it-undermines life's simple pleasures. Specifically, the authors found that wealthier people were less able than poorer ones to savor, to enhance and prolong positive emotional feelings such as joy, awe, excitement, contentment, pride, and gratitude, and that this "negative impact of wealth on individuals' ability to savor undermined the positive effects of money on their happiness." They also found that even the thought of money reduced the ability to savor. 

Four Ways to Respond During An Argument

From your nervous system's point of view, there're a limited number of ways to respond to an argument. You can do one of the “knee-jerk” reactions like fight, flight, or freeze. Roar and bite, run like hell, freeze like a deer in the headlights...Or, you can take a breath, and get your nervous system to make good use of its more highly evolved parts.

Friendship and Loss: When the loved one who dies is a best friend

Dear Dr. Levine, My dearest best friend of 35 years died in March. She had Alzheimer's disease, so it had been several years since I was able to have a conversation with her, but I could still visit and see her. Her death has devastated me.

Former Lovers and Facebook

Is facebook a perpetual high school reunion.. My spouse wants to Facebook 'friend' a former lover?!? What should I say? ... HELL NO!

No Way Around It - You Have to Go Through It

Two months after my husband suddenly fled our happy marriage and moved in with his girlfriend, while I was still in the depths of hell, I resorted to something radical to ease the pain. I started singing. A friend had taken pity on my miserable state and invited me to attend a rehearsal of her women's barbershop chorus. Not relishing the thought of yet another endless evening home alone with the ticking clock, I agreed to go. 

Today Is Not Their Wedding Day, and I Toast Them and Honor Them

By Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on July 31, 2010 in Living Single
Today much of America will fuss over a young woman and man who have already lived lives of unimaginable privilege. Some $3 million will be spent to celebrate their relationship. I'm thinking about other people today. 

Chelsea's Getting Married: What about her friends?

Chelsea Clinton has 3320 friends. Yes, I checked. If you go to Chelsea's Facebook Page and try to friend her, as I did today, you'll get a message that she already has too many friend requests---so the virtual spigot of undocumented friends has been turned off. Given her popularity and celebrity, I suspect that most of those who have already friended her are simply gawkers. But doesn't it strike you as odd that there's been more buzz about the gown, the gluten-free cake, port-a-potties, and the celebrity guests than about the true friends who will be at the Wedding on the Hudson this Saturday night?  

Happy Birthday Emily Bronte: Sex & Romance Expert!

It's Bronte's birthday! So what have we learned from  Wuthering Heights? 1. You shouldn't marry only for money; 2. You shouldn't marry only for passion; 3. You shouldn't depend only your significant other for self-definition; 4. You need to get away from the moors, out of the rain, and into a warm circle of good friends who will laugh you out of your depression before you start yelling somebody's name in the middle of the night.

6 Tips for Letting Go of a Toxic Friendship---Gently

Here are a few tips to help you handle a tricky, and often uncomfortable, situation in a way that minimizes hurt:

How to Let Go of a Grudge

You haven't fully let go of a grudge until you have apologized to the person you're feeling it toward.Until you do, it will continue to eat away at youand unless you do, it will turn you into a bitter personjust like the parent you learned it from.

Trading Roses for Weeds

By Anastasia Harrell on July 29, 2010 in The View From Venus
Figuring out what women really want may require ignoring what they actually say.  Why, when women claim to want a sensitive man, are so many sweet, caring men who genuinely enjoy long walks on the beach still without a girl?

Why Do Women Stray?

By David J Ley Ph.D. on July 28, 2010 in Women Who Stray
I see women who argue backwards this way - "I cheated, so there must be something wrong in my relationship, otherwise why would I have cheated?" But, when I look at female infidelity, I find that marital distress is very rarely a reason for wives who pursue extramarital sex. So what is?

Selective Silence: An Experiment in Connection

By Elaine Shpungin Ph.D. on July 28, 2010 in Peacemeal
What happens when one couple takes a vow of silence on a romantic getaway?