Essential Reads

Empathy for a Child Abuser?

Empathy for the Undeserving Can Be a Useful Strategy for Changing Families

Why We Hate It When People Invade Our Space

John Travolta and Joe Biden put it in the news, but it's an everyday problem.

Does Science Really Say That Hot Guys Are Jerks?

Our new study suggests that better-looking men are more selfish.

Having a Baby: When You Don't Agree

Different visions? Find the problem under the problem.

Recent Posts on Relationships

Who Guides the Next Generation? It’s Not (Just) Who You Think

By Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on September 15, 2010 in Living Single
Erik Erikson identified "generativity" - "the concern in establishing and guiding the next generation" - as the centerpiece of the middle adult years. Contemporary scholars have looked for evidence of generativity across the adult lifespan, and developed and validated a scale to measure it. Here's how generativity differs (or doesn't) between married and single people, and between parents and people who are not parents. 

The arguments in the California proposition 8 trial (Part 2)

By Brian Mustanski Ph.D. on September 14, 2010 in The Sexual Continuum
Proposition 8 (Prop 8) was the ballot initiative in California that took away the rights of gay and lesbian people to marry their same-sex partner. In part 2 of this blog series I look at the arguments made by the plaintiffs and defendants of Prop 8.

Married to Doctor MacGyver

By Arnon Krongrad M.D. on September 14, 2010 in Scrub, Rinse, Repeat
Why go to the emergency room when there's a ladder in the shed?

What Do We Mortals Have in Common with Elliot Aronson?

From a distance, Elliot Aronson doesn’t seem like a regular guy. 

Making your internet skills work for you

Boosting your Internet self-efficacy can help you gain confidence in your ability to learn from the Internet and communicate online more effectively.

Why Your Teen Insists on Dressing Exactly Like Her Friends

By Stephanie Newman Ph.D. on September 14, 2010 in Apologies To Freud
 The teen who dresses like her friends performs a mothering function.

Message to Regular Readers

By Christopher Ryan on September 14, 2010 in Sex at Dawn
Announcing upcoming events and a place to keep up with Sex at Dawn-related news.

Friendship by the Book: Your So-Called Life

By Irene S Levine Ph.D. on September 14, 2010 in The Friendship Doctor
Released today, Your So-Called Life: A Guide to Boys, Body Issues and Other Big-Girl Drama You Thought You Would Have Figured Out By Now (Harper, 2010) is a self-described guide for thirty-somethings. This is a phase of life when friendships are in flux as women mate, marry and mother...

An HSP (Highly Sensitive) Introvert Survival Guide: Living with an Extravert

By Susan Biali M.D. on September 13, 2010 in Prescriptions for Life
If you're a highly sensitive person (HSP) and an introvert to boot, sharing space with a loud, extraverted person is likely your version of hell on earth.  If you can't avoid it, here are some tips that will keep you sane (and save the relationship at the same time).

Gay Men and Their Fathers: Hurt and Healing

Fathers in many families are mysterious, distant, intimidating figures-even more so for boys with homosexual attractions. They are the family torchbearers of manliness, and, as males young and old know, homosexuality is considered the dreaded opposite of masculinity. 

True Love Waits for Maturity

By Jen Kim on September 13, 2010 in Valley Girl With a Brain
Even as adults, we find ourselves in relationships devoid of "love." How to fall in love the "mature" right away and say goodbye to unhealthy, "crazy" love.

Secrets: Three Women's Stories

By Anita E. Kelly Ph.D. on September 13, 2010 in Insight
Are you stuggling with a decision about whether to reveal your personal secret? These women's stories may help shed light on what steps to consider.

Two Things Will Never Change

By Harriet Lerner Ph.D. on September 13, 2010 in The Dance of Connection
I have a story I love to tell. When my son Ben was six years old, and my first book, The Dance of Anger was published, I overheard him exclaim to a small friend, "Do you know that my mother worked on her book for my whole life?"

Getting together with friends: A simple scheduling problem or more than that?

By Irene S Levine Ph.D. on September 13, 2010 in The Friendship Doctor
Dear Irene,I've been hanging around with "Dina" for 15 years. A month ago, Dina told me she had run into an old friend of ours who wanted to get together with our old gang. She said she would arrange it and I told her I would help by contacting a few people within the group. Dina threw out a date and I told her clearly that I wasn't sure I could make that date since I would be starting a new job right around that time.

Out of Thin Air, Part I

By Sam Sommers on September 13, 2010 in Science Of Small Talk
It's back to school time on college campuses everywhere, which means you can spot the freshmen coming from a mile away. For some students, the challenge of this transition is even more daunting because the distracting whispers of anxiety and self-doubt are even louder...

The Couple Rises: Historian Elizabeth Abbott Explains Why

By Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on September 13, 2010 in Living Single
Historian Elizabeth Abbott notes that previously, a husband and wife "were seldom the focal point of each other's emotional, intellectual or social life. They had little domestic privacy and rarely spent time alone. Their deepest affections were often reserved for their siblings, relatives and best friends." Abbott explains how and why that all changed. 

Making Friends: When should I disclose my emotional baggage?

By Irene S Levine Ph.D. on September 11, 2010 in The Friendship Doctor
Dear Irene:I have difficulty making new friends because of all of the heavy stuff I have to reveal to them.

Going Through Hell? Keep Going

By Harriet Brown on September 11, 2010 in Brave Girl Eating
I thought my daughter might hate me forever after going through family-based treatment for anorexia. Instead, she thanked me for it.

Death and Memories of Close Friends

By Bill Knaus Ed.D. on September 11, 2010 in Science and Sensibility
At one time or another we all suffer the death of a friend. It's how you live with the loss that honors the memory of your friend.

Friendship: For the sake of the kids?

By Irene S Levine Ph.D. on September 10, 2010 in The Friendship Doctor
I have had a good friend for five years---primarily because our kids are the same ages and genders, go to the same school, live close to us, etc. Last April, I offered her some confidential information about our school intended to help her, but she told the principal, and it jeopardized my job at the school, not to mention stressing me out for several weeks. I feel very hurt, betrayed and angry. She acts as if nothing happened. We haven't talked in person since then, but obviously, I am going to run into her. What to do now? 

Family Therapist Turned Novelist Lynne Griffin

By Jennifer Haupt on September 10, 2010 in One True Thing
An interview with author/family therapist Lynne Griffin about her new book, healing parent-child relationships and more.

If You Love Something, You Have to Protect It

By Chris Guillebeau on September 10, 2010 in The Art of Non-Conformity
If you love something, set it free. Umm, really?

Family in the Lives of Adults without Children: 3 Creative Lines of Thinking

By Bella DePaulo Ph.D. on September 10, 2010 in Living Single
For far too long, scholars of families have neglected people without children - especially single people. Finally, they are getting called on it. Here I'll preview 3 creative lines of thinking and research, with details to come in future posts. 

Don't Press "Send" While You're Still in Your Pajamas

Email - that ever so tempting medium of immediate gratification which often leads to lingering regret. How many times did you get up in the middle of a sleepless night with the absolute conviction that you must tell your ex one essential thing right that minute? If only he knew this, either he'd feel enormous regret for his actions or perhaps, if you're lucky, you could make him feel a crumb of the hurt he's made you feel. 

Marital Melodramas: Why Do We Need Them?

By Laura Kipnis on September 09, 2010 in Notes of a Scandal Fan
Do you ever really know the person you're married to?