Relationships Essential Reads

When Adult Struggle With Their Relationships

By Geoffrey Greif Ph.D. on November 25, 2015 Buddy System
Are sibling relationships getting you down this time of year?

Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?

Relinquishing difficult aspects of choice, deciding quickly, and starting the relationship with lower expectations may have upsides for longer-term marital outcomes.

"Mail Order Brides" Still Exist

The mail order bride business as it now operates may be in the perverse position of attempting to match independent, nontraditional women with very traditional Western men, a situation which frequently leads to dissatisfaction for both parties.

20 Questions to Ask This Holiday Season

Our friends and family know what to expect when they come to our house for a meal: Jeffersonian conversations. Thomas Jefferson seated all his guests at one table for dinner, where he asked each guest a single question for all to hear…no side conversations or small-talk allowed. Sounds rigid, but these sorts of dinners are FUN over the holidays.

What’s the Best Way to React to an Insult?

Insults live at the bottom of the scale of socially appropriate behavior. Because our first tendency is to be polite, especially with people we don’t know very well, it’s not always clear whether to respond in kind or turn the other cheek. Here’s some guidance for how to handle these confusing situations.

Could New Facebook Features Help You Get Over Your Ex?

Facebook may soon be helping you manage your relationship with your ex by allowing you to limit how much of them you see in your news feed without unfriending or blocking them. Research on coping with break-ups suggests that Facebook has the right idea about how to deal with your ex.

Jane Austen Understood Deception and Discovery in Love

Jane Austen knew a secret or two about the problems with ambiguity in romance and love. Her most beloved novels hinge on a female character's misunderstandings on which man is the best for her, until time and circumstances reveal the truth.

An Evolutionist’s List of Thanks

From an evolutionary perspective, gratitude is a significant social emotion. It drives us to connect with others - and it works to remind us of the fact that we are always part of something larger than ourselves. Here is a list of 6 things to be grateful for this Thanksgiving (and all other days of the year as well).

How to Trust Again After Job Loss or Career Setback

Trusting after job loss or career setback comes with challenges. But not learning how to trust again can hurt your career. These four tips can help.

Why Men Don’t Listen to Women

By Marty Nemko Ph.D. on November 18, 2015 How To Do Life
Many men decide it's unwise to engage in certain conversations.

Why Is Your Relationship a Secret?

Historically, the closest a young woman could get to having power was to have sex with a man who had it. If the powerful man desires a woman privately, could he really deny publicly that she's the love of his life?

How Depression Prepared Me For A Death In The Family

By Tom Wootton on November 17, 2015 Bipolar Advantage
If I did not understand how to function during depression or, worse yet, still clung to the notion that it is not possible, I would have been a burden to my family instead of an asset. Most people fear they will break down and become a burden on those around them or that their bipolar loved ones will break down and add to the already difficult situation.

Slow Is From the Heart

By Ravi Chandra M.D. on November 16, 2015 The Pacific Heart
A trip to Cambodia, 40 years after the fall of Phnom Penh to the Khmer Rouge, leads to an encounter with ancient wisdom in the form of a dancer, Vong Metry. Here's what she taught me, and what is so relevant in the aftermath of violence and rage.

Gray Must Remain Our Sacred Space

By Tim Leberecht on November 16, 2015 The Romance of Work
Gray is the stance against a bipolar world, with extreme claims and exponential implications. Living in gray means living uncomfortably in the middle, but it also means living in tolerance and peace. It means commuting between two worlds and leading a double, a poetic life. It means being able to love, to feel everything but not know anything at all.

Do Bullies Want Love, Not War?

Psychologists in Canada have found that bullies experience greater opportunities for sex. Bullies are more likely to have dated, had sex, and to report numerous sexual partners.

My Return to Theism

By Joachim I Krueger Ph.D. on November 15, 2015 One Among Many
Theism – Atheism is a false dichotomy. Setting aside deism as anemic theism, I distinguish between theism with love and theism without love. The former is easy to refute, as has been done many times by children and philosophers. The latter is far more resistant to disproof and psychologically more plausible.

Will He Cheat? Don't Check His Phone, Check His Credit

Will your relationship last? Credit scores may hold the answer

Three Words We Must Tell Our Kids Other Than, "I Love You!"

Scoring a goal in sports, getting great grades or having a wonderful dance recital alone will not give your child a lasting sense of value!

11 Questions to Find Out How Much Your Partner Turns You On

Studies on relationship satisfaction don’t always capture the true qualities that promote intimacy between partners, especially when it comes to sexuality. The real key, as recent research shows, may lie in a much more intense feeling called, for lack of a better word, “fascination.” This 11-item scale will put your fascination with your partner to the test.

On the Rebound!

By Erica B Slotter Ph.D. on November 13, 2015 Me, You, & Us
Are rebound relationships a good idea? Recent research suggests that they may not be as bad for us as popular belief might suggest.

4 Unexpected Benefits of Gratitude

By Amie M. Gordon PhD on November 12, 2015 Between You and Me
As more researchers turn their attention to gratitude, we are learning about the widespread and sometimes surprising benefits of having a more grateful outlook. Here are four findings that suggest gratitude might play a role in how we clean, sleep, and save money.

10 Things Passive People Say

By Guy Winch Ph.D. on November 12, 2015 The Squeaky Wheel
When passivity becomes our default way of responding and interacting and determines our general approach to life, it hurts us in ways we might not realize: Here's what to look for:

Become a Better Conversationalist With the "Rule of Three"

By Karl Albrecht Ph.D. on November 12, 2015 BrainSnacks
How can you attract people to yourself and your ideas, instead of alienating them? Just change the proportion of three kinds of sentences you use in your conversation.

Do You Defend Your Partner’s Defenses? Here's Why You Should

We all need our psychological defenses. They protect us from experiencing an otherwise disturbing anxiety. Or an ancient sense of inferiority, or shame that may go all the way back to childhood—and that we’ve never managed to fully resolve. So when we talk about getting our buttons pushed, it’s about someone’s (however accidentally) triggering these uncomfortable feelings.

Why Try to Change Me Now?

It is commonly assumed that we love someone even though we know his flaws—as love is essentially not about the partner’s characteristics, but about the lover’s attitude. Accordingly, it is not fruitful to try to change the partner’s characteristics; it is the lover’s attitude that needs to change. There is some grain of truth in this view, but the story is more complex.

What Affairs Can Teach You

By Robert Taibbi L.C.S.W. on November 09, 2015 Fixing Families
Embedded in the pain of affairs are lessons: 4 things to learn

How I Learned About the Family Dynamics I Write About

In the comments by readers responding to my blogposts about dysfunctional family dynamics, I am often accused of naively believing my patient's "distorted" descriptions of their interactions with their family-of-origin members. In fact, I have observed these processes directly in a variety of ways. I describe those ways herein.

The Label “Narcissism” is Used Too Loosely Today

Is there someone you know who is extremely boastful, self-absorbed, and is found frequently taking selfies or engaging in self-admiration? If so, do you really care? This seems to be the common understanding of narcissism that many people discuss. But, it’s not defining the real problem with narcissism.

What Puts People at Ease?

By Rick Hanson Ph.D. on November 09, 2015 Your Wise Brain
Much of the time the fear we trigger in others is mild but people can feel threatened by stimuli they're not actually aware of.

Loss Aversion and Romance

By Eyal Winter on November 07, 2015 Feeling Smart
Lazy and disheveled ranks as top deal breaker.