Holiday Finances May Be a Relationship Stressor

Chocolate Coins

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Ho Ho Hold the credit card charges.

As the holidays approach this is a conversation that is likely happening in many households. That is if couples are comfortable talking about finances with each other, period.

It's not news that prices for things have increased, and most Americans are feeling restricted in their budgets and financially burdened. And yet, the holidays still have the nerve to happen!

How do we reconcile the realities of finite resources and festive expectations?

Talk with Your Partner

Start with talking to your partner about setting expectations. It may sound simple but it's anything but for most couples. Discussing finances is one of the most stressful and fight-inducing topics. In fact, a 2014 APA Stress in America survey reports that almost a third of adults with partners, 31 percent, reported that money is a major source of conflict in their relationship. If that's you, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that that also doesn't mean you're off the hook. It's imperative that couples learn to discuss money, and learn how to constructively communicate their financial differences and expectations.

As you think about what you want your holidays to look like, determine what matters to you and why. Start there. Then take a realistic look at your financial situation and determine if you're able to make all or some of those happen.

If your spouse is on the same page, this conversation may be smooth. If they have different expectations, take the time to hear them out.

Clarify Your Financial Goals and Your Relationship with Money

One reason money is such a hot topic is that different people have different goals when it comes to finances. Some people consider money a tool to enable them to live an experience-filled life. Others view money as a tool to provide safety and security—saving, not experiences, is the goal.

How do you feel about money? What's your relationship with money? What's your partner's relationship with money?

Be Ready to Compromise

Perhaps there are out-of-the-question gifts you want; to maintain magnanimity in your relationship you will need to give that up. Perhaps your spouse wants to spend more than you're comfortable with on family, friends, or entertaining. How can you express your concern without getting defensive, and come to a compromise about where to cut back while also allowing your partner to celebrate?

Make a Plan for the New Year

At the end of the day, the holidays will pass and they will cost what they cost, but if the growing bill brings you and your partner stress, this may be an indication that better financial planning in the New Year is called for.

You don't need to enroll in special courses on money handling, but finding ways to talk with your partner and develop financial goals is a small and crucial step towards bringing peace to the financial piece of your relationship.

The first steps may include:

• Creating a budget in a spreadsheet to track money coming in and money coming out
• Evaluating all your debts and creating plans to tackle them
• Take an inventory of all of your reoccurring expenses and bills
• Track what is spent monthly and on what
• Have weekly or monthly budget talks to remain on the same page financially