I Want to Cry, and I Don’t Know Why

Some days, everything feels fine. Maybe not perfect, but manageable. You move through the motions, handling the usual demands of work, family, and life with a sense of capability. And then, without warning, another day arrives like a tidal wave. The very same circumstances that felt routine yesterday now feel unbearable, crushing, as if the weight of the world has settled on your chest. You feel like crying, but you don’t even know why.

Welcome to the emotional rollercoaster of perimenopause and menopause.

When Feelings Defy Logic

Hormonal shifts can magnify emotions in ways that defy logic. The rise and fall of estrogen and progesterone impact the brain’s neurotransmitters, particularly serotonin and dopamine—those chemical messengers responsible for mood regulation. One day, you’re steady and grounded. The next, it’s as if the earth beneath you is crumbling, even though nothing outwardly has changed.

It’s unsettling. And it’s rarely talked about.

Because when women do talk about it, we risk being labeled dramatic, hormonal, too much. Society has a long history of dismissing women’s emotions, minimizing their struggles as hysteria rather than human experience. As a result, many suffer in silence, trying to rationalize away their feelings or push through with gritted teeth.

But what if we made space for these feelings instead of resisting them? What if we met them with empathy rather than shame?

The Hidden Cost of Suppressing Emotions

Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them go away. It buries them, leaving them to surface later in other ways—through irritability, anxiety, exhaustion, or physical symptoms like tension headaches and digestive issues. When we ignore our emotional landscape, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” what if we asked, “What do I need?”

It’s important to recognize that while hormones play a role, they don’t tell the whole story. Stress, life transitions, and past emotional wounds can all amplify feelings of overwhelm. The body keeps score of unprocessed emotions, and perimenopause can often bring these unresolved tensions to the surface. The tears that seem to appear out of nowhere? They may be carrying more than just the frustration of the moment—they might be carrying years of unspoken pain, stress, and fatigue.

Leaning Into Compassion

The first step in navigating this emotional unpredictability is to meet ourselves with radical compassion. Here are some ways to start:

1. Validate. Don’t Dismiss.

Instead of questioning whether your feelings are “just hormones,” acknowledge that they are real. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, let that be OK. You don’t need to justify it to anyone—not even yourself.

Often, we minimize our struggles by comparing them to those of others: Other people have it worse, I should be grateful for what I have, or I don’t deserve to feel this way. But emotions don’t work like that. Your struggles are valid, no matter how they compare to someone else’s.

2. Create Space for Your Emotions.

Give yourself permission to feel what arises without trying to fix it immediately. Cry if you need to. Journal. Take a slow walk. Breathe deeply. Let the emotion move through you rather than getting stuck inside you.

Instead of thinking of emotional waves as something to “control,” try thinking of them as visitors. Some stay longer than others, but all eventually pass. When you stop fighting emotions and allow yourself to feel them, they tend to lose their grip faster than if you resist.

3. Connect. Don’t Isolate.

The shame around emotional intensity often makes us withdraw, but connection is one of the most powerful antidotes to emotional pain. Talk to a friend, a partner, or a community that understands. Sometimes, just saying I feel off today to someone who gets it can be incredibly freeing.

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If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone in your life, seek out communities that discuss these issues openly. More women are starting to talk about the realities of perimenopause and menopause, breaking the silence around what has often been a hidden struggle.

4. Check In With Your Body.

Our emotions don’t just live in our minds—they manifest in our bodies. Where do you feel tension? Can you place a hand there and breathe? Can you soften even a little? Small acts of awareness can bring profound relief.

Movement can be a powerful way to process emotions. Yoga, stretching, or even a simple walk outside can help release stored tension. Some women find comfort in breathwork or meditation, allowing them to slow down and reconnect with themselves.

5. Redefine Strength.

Strength isn’t about muscling through and pretending everything is fine. It’s about allowing yourself to be human, to experience the full range of emotions without shame. Strength is in self-compassion, in allowing yourself to feel without judgment.

Society often praises emotional resilience as “bouncing back” or “staying strong.” But what if strength meant asking for help? What if resilience meant allowing yourself to feel rather than suppressing emotions until they explode?

Making Peace With the Unknown

The unpredictability of perimenopause and menopause can be unsettling. The lack of control, the emotional shifts, the sense of vulnerability—it all feels like too much at times. But the paradox is that by leaning into these feelings rather than resisting them, they often lose their power over us.

Developing small rituals of self-care can provide stability amidst uncertainty. Whether it’s setting aside time each day to journal, practicing deep breathing before bed, or having a go-to comfort activity like sipping tea or listening to calming music, creating moments of intentional care can make a big difference.

So, if you wake up one morning and feel like crying for no reason, know this: You are not broken. You are not overreacting. You are not alone.

This is part of the journey. And the more we talk about it, the less alone we all feel.