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Key points
- Chronic lying breeds distrust, confusion, and poor decision-making in others.
- Chronic liars lie regularly to boost poor self-esteem.
- Chronic lying makes other people anxious and affects their sense of security.
With political lies rampant, disinformation widespread, and AI providing a big boost to classroom cheating, the questions arise: What is truth? And why is it important to know what's true? By truth, most people agree that objective reality is truth, that is, what we learn directly from our senses. Truth also includes widely accepted legal opinions and scientific research, as well as judgments, propositions and ideas that have been validated. Truth basically consists of facts with a few exceptions, such as religious faith (based on beliefs primarily) and emotional/psychological states.
As for the importance of knowing what is true, it is vital for our grasp of reality, our sanity. When we are surrounded by false beliefs parading around as truths, we are in confusing territory. We don’t know what to believe or what to do. Big lies masquerading as truth baffle us, leaving us anxious and troubled. Also, contradictory cues, that is, words inconsistent with nonverbal behavior, create uncertainty. For example, a friend may deny that he’s been drinking, but the odor of alcohol on his breath tells an entirely different story—with more validity than his words.
However, while a decision about a friend's intoxication may seem trivial, there are other situations when believing a person’s words is extremely important. Hiring someone for a responsible position, deciding on a roommate, or making a permanent commitment to a romantic partner, e.g., are situations where trust is vital.
We may be mistaken about other people’s honesty, but once we discover their lies, it is difficult to trust them again. We are not wired to trust chronic liars. When we sense that somebody is dishonest, we typically withdraw from the relationship, temporarily or permanently. But if we become blinded by misinformation or our own unrealistic desires and wind up believing the lies, then we need to ignore contradictions, rationalize the liar’s behavior, and get lost in an alternate universe.
Lying can be extremely dangerous, both to recipients and perpetrators. Riots and wars have been incited and maintained by lies. In addition, when individuals believe damaging lies and act upon them, they are likely to engage in destructive behavior. For example, if a person believes another person is angry and likely to be aggressive, he/she may preemptively strike out, even when there is no real danger. Mistaken identity, accidental, and impulsive shootings fall in this category.
For perpetrators of lies, guilt and anxiety may become recurring bedfellows. Typically, a liar who believes that lying is wrong will feel guilty for big lies and become anxious about being discovered, shamed, and/or punished. The nonverbal behavior of an occasional liar who feels uncomfortable lying consists of an evasive gaze, change in pitch of voice, and/or halting speech.
Why Do People Lie?
Young children lie primarily to avoid punishment for perceived disobedience and are remarkably clumsy at hiding their lies. Blaming the dog or sibling for a broken vase is common. Young children manifest the same signs of lying as adults except with more transparency and exaggeration. Their blushing, verbal hesitations, and general awkwardness are telltale signs that they’re not telling the truth.
As we mature, we grow more skilled at hiding lies. In fact, certain personality disorders (e.g., antisocial disorders, narcissistic personality disorders) can “lie with a straight face”; they are so good at lying that it is almost impossible to discern their dishonesty. Gaslighting, a serious form of deception, entails manipulation and emotional abuse, and in the process, results in the victim doubting her sanity and self-worth.
Less serious lies, that is white lies designed to improve one's status or reputation, are attempts to impress others. In exaggerating his/her accomplishments, the liar is trying to hide his inadequacies by portraying himself as more talented, intelligent, athletic, successful or richer than he is. Underlying a boastful demeanor is low self-esteem aching for recognition, even when it's negative.
People also lie to avoid being disliked; they want to fit in. So, instead of giving an honest opinion on a controversial topic, they avoid saying anything or agree with the prevailing ideas circulating in their midst. “White lies” designed to improve one’s likability or avoid hurting another’s feelings, like “No, you don’t look fat in that dress,” or “That was a great bargain" (when the reality is far from that), are usually based on benign intentions and unlikely to cause interpersonal damage. It’s the big lies that matter the most in terms of their impact on individuals, communities, and nations.
In Summary
While our noses won’t grow long like Pinocchio’s when we lie, lying corrodes our reality and drains our internal resources. On a national level, it contributes to polarization and destroys the social fabric of communities, where trust and cooperation are necessary to achieve common goals.
On a personal level, our sense of security and anxiety level are affected by disinformation. We don’t know whom or what to trust, and as a result, we feel unsafe. In addition, when we don’t have all the facts, we are prone to make poor decisions. For example, if a fire is out of control or a hurricane is coming, we need to know all the details about the impending disaster before we can act wisely. Similarly, with psychological decisions regarding trust and safety, we need facts, not fantasies.
As for chronic liars, they expend much psychological energy keeping their lies secret and creating alternate realities. As a result, they may be less effective socially and professionally than they could be if they operated with more integrity and authenticity.
In one recent study of college students, daily liars showed worse grade point averages, quality of life, and self-esteem than non-daily liars. While it isn’t clear which came first—the frequent lying or the negative academic, social, and family functioning—chronic lying has been associated with personality disorders, mainly those linked to impulsivity, manipulativeness, and failure to learn from the past. Clearly, more research needs to be done to examine the causes, correlates, and consequences of chronic lying.
In the meantime, we need to call out serious lies in our personal, social, and professional lives to prevent the further erosion of truth. Calling out as we did in our childhood—“Liar, liar, your pants are on fire”—won’t do much. Instead, we need to rely on fact-checkers, religious leaders, and journalists to discern the truth. Also, parents and teachers are vital in limiting their children's access to social media and in refusing to tolerate lying.
Because social media is the most common purveyor of disinformation, it is important to verify on reliable sites the authenticity of consequential information contained on social media platforms. Without truth, we may feel like we're adrift in choppy waters without navigational tools. While "truth won't set us free," truth will enable us to live without undue anxiety, confusion, or distrust, and to make better life decisions in the process.
References
Grant, J.E, Paglia, H.A. & Chamberlain, S.R. (2019). The Phenomenology of Lying in Young Adults and Relationships with Personality and Cognition. Psychiatric Q., Jan 29; 90(2): 361-369.
