How to Use Your Inner Voice: Reset, Reframe and Reflect

We all have an inner voice that narrates our thoughts, and while it can be supportive, it often veers into criticism. The good news: Research shows that self-talk can be transformed into a tool for resilience and success. Here are three science-backed strategies to refine your inner dialogue, inspired by the groundbreaking work of psychologist and researcher Ethan Kross.

Distancing Ourselves From Negative Thoughts

Feeling overwhelmed by your inner critic? Kross’s research on self-distancing offers a powerful solution. By referring to yourself in the third person or using your own name, you create psychological distance, which reduces emotional reactivity. For instance, you may think, “I’m failing.” Instead, use your inner voice constructively: “[Add Your Name], you’re learning through this challenge.” This simple shift can help you approach problems with clarity and objectivity (Kross, 2021).

Inner Coach vs. Inner Critic

Our inner voice cuts both ways. It helps us plan, solve problems, and motivate ourselves. But it can also turn into chatter or loops of negative thoughts that make us more anxious and hurt our relationships. Kross points out that we shouldn't try to shut up our inner voice. Instead, he recommends that we should make the most of its good points while keeping its bad ones in check (Huberman, 2023).

One trick that works well is to talk to yourself from a distance. You do this by talking about yourself as "he" or "she," or by using your name. This may feel a bit strange at first, but this gives you some mental space. Instead of thinking, "I can't deal with this," you might think, "[Add Your Name], you've got this." Kross’s work emphasizes that these slight changes in how we talk to ourselves can lower our stress and help us solve problems better (Kross, 2021).

How to Integrate Positive Self-Talk Into Your Day

Here’s a quick, actionable guide to make these strategies part of your daily routine:

1. Reset: Quiet negative self-talk by focusing on your breath for 60 seconds or reflecting on your thoughts without becoming attached to them. This practice helps you start the day with clarity and a calm mindset (Racy and Morin, 2023).
2. Reframe: When faced with a problem, pause and ask yourself what advice your inner coach would offer. Replace self-criticism with constructive thoughts: “This is tough, but it’s a chance to grow.”
3. Reflect: Just before bed, journal about a moment where positive self-talk helped you. Reflect on how it shaped your response and what you can carry forward into tomorrow.

Conclusion

Your inner voice has the potential to be your greatest ally. By practicing self-distancing, reframing criticism, and leveraging visualization, you can turn self-talk into a source of strength and clarity. Start today—because the way you talk to yourself shapes how you show up in the world.