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Key points
- If you experience escalating fear inside a dream, look for the waking situation that mirrors those feelings.
- In introducing a second, similar theme, sometimes a dream proposes a change of attitude as the solution.
- When all wound up in frustration over powerlessness, perhaps the key to unwind exists in letting go.
Lynn, a long-time client, dreamed I was her math tutor. Before she even began telling the dream, she described some details from her life: “My mom just had her last radiation treatment, and when I wait for her, I sit in a room with other women waiting for their treatment. The other day I met a 30-year-old woman who had stage 3 cervical cancer.”
As we will see, these initial events proved extremely important in helping Lynn discover meanings in her dream.
The Dream
“In my dream I am young,” Lynn began. “I had to drive to my math tutor’s house. There was this scary gorilla outside that I had to escape from, and I couldn’t remember how to get to the tutor’s house. A boy I knew was going there, too, so I followed him. I think we were dating. When I finally got to the tutor’s apartment, you were the tutor! I went to use your bathroom, and there was a lot of blood.
“I got very nervous and upset when I saw that I was bleeding. I woke up frantic!”
The Discussion
While Lynn is not new to dream analysis, I was still struck by how she placed her dream in the context of her life before she even described it. “Wow!” I exclaimed. “You’re already starting to make connections. Keep in mind, though, your dream may contain different meanings and layers.
"Please correct me if this doesn’t ring true for you. You started with some scared feelings (about the gorilla), later became nervous and upset, and finally frantic. This might reflect a waking situation of escalating fear.
“You have already described your mom and how you’re feeling about her. Could there be an additional life situation that calls up the feelings in your dream?"
Lynn responded, "I’m a very anxious person in general, especially with health. I have PTSD from what I went through with my own breast cancer at age 36.
"It was very triggering for me to be at the cancer center and see all the people in treatment. For the last three weeks I had to take my mom almost every day, and we were talking to the patients in the waiting room. That was really overwhelming for me.
"In the middle of all of this, my dad had to be hospitalized because he got a terrible infection; a complication of surgery to remove metastatic bladder cancer.
"I’m very upset about what life will ultimately be like for me without my parents. For the next month, we wait to see what the chemo and radiation have done. I am praying my mom will have more time and quality of life."
I asked, "What comes to mind when you think about me? Do I remind you of someone else you know?"
Lynn responded, "I think you are intelligent, kind, curious, friendly, warm, inviting, and have a good sense of humor.
“I don’t know why I thought of you as a math tutor because I hate math. Math made me very nervous in school, but maybe I thought of you as a teacher and a guide to help me."
I suggested, “Could you be saying that you hate what you’re facing, along with what you will eventually have to face? Maybe, when you couldn’t remember how to get to the tutor's house, you were expressing that you feel lost but are trying to find your way to feeling okay.”
Lynn confirmed my hunch. “Yes, I'm struggling to feel okay without a dark cloud looming and to just relax. I’m always all things to everyone else."
I continued, "Let's look at the boy you were following. Do you know who he is?"
Lynn answered, "I have a lot of dreams about being young again and dating again."
I responded, "That makes sense because this situation with your parents is all new to you, so it might feel like being young again and learning a new way of thinking or responding, as you do when you date. I also wonder whether these dreams represent a wish-fulfillment. At a period in your life when you feel so stressed and panicked, you go back in your dreams to a time before all those problems began."
Lynn confirmed, "That's interesting. I can see how the metaphor fits the newness of my situation, and it also brings me back to where I wish I still was.
"To respond to your question about the boy in the dream, he looked like Matt Damon."
"Excellent. What comes to mind about Matt?"
She caught the association immediately. "My daughter’s boyfriend’s name is Matt, and I don’t like him for her. His family is gross and not nice towards us."
I commented, “With Matt’s name you connected directly to your daughter’s choice of boyfriend, over which you have no control. In the situation you’re facing with your parents, you also have no control.
"The lesson in both situations is the same. Let go of what you have no power to change.
“There is some comfort in letting go. Life is easier when we don't have to be, as you said, 'always all things to everyone else.’"
Lynn agreed. "Easier said than done, but you’re right.”
She added, "It's amazing how my bleeding in the dream recalls how I felt about meeting the young woman with cervical cancer in the waiting room.”
I responded, “You can see how this dream points to our lack of control over so many aspects of our lives.
“Perhaps you could take this time to consider the things you do have control over and fill more of your time with those. Like your grandchildren, for example. Try making plans with them!”
What We Can Learn
When Lynn described her mom’s situation before telling the dream, she was revealing her interior conversation, even though neither her mom nor her cancer appeared in the dream itself. Initial associations can point to the most important issues a dream is addressing.
Once the dreamer has found the most pressing issues, additional associations to a different aspect of their life — like Lynn connecting to her daughter’s boyfriend — may provide a solution to the main problem that is occupying their mind.
