The Problem With Winning

When Ed was a boy, family gatherings invariably included a game of Risk between him and his brothers. The brothers were rivals with winning and war on their minds, so real-life conflict (and a little blood) was almost inevitable long before the final space was taken on the map. The brothers knew something we all inherently know; it feels good to win and, most times, the path to victory is not paved with bloody noses.

As researchers interested in happiness, we think a lot about dopamine. Dopamine is a delightful neurotransmitter that makes us feel good (i.e. it brings us pleasure) and it’s released when we win. Our brain uses dopamine to manipulate us into eating, seeking new experiences, exercising, achieving goals, engaging in destructive behavior, even having sex. Not to be fun cops,* but this whole dopamine reward system can really screw us up. It is hard to keep things in moderation when our brains keep rewarding us for overindulgence. We can easily get caught in a vicious cycle where we eat too much or gamble too much or, in the case of many lab rats in a variety of studies, do too much cocaine.

The bad feelings that go along with this behavior make us desperate for more dopamine to compensate and soon we begin to adapt to these higher levels of dopamine and start looking for ways to get a bigger hit. So, one problem with winning is that we get so focused on the reward and validation that come with winning (the outcome) that we lose sight of why we wanted to win in the first place and all that went into preparing for a potential win (the process). We think the process is really important! That’s where the learning happens.

On a related note, winning focuses you on things that are easily quantifiable, meaning you may miss out on things that are less quantifiable but perhaps more important. For example, you may focus too much on your salary or the size of your house or school rankings and less on happiness or relationships. The more we quantify our lives, the less we think about the underlying why. We count our steps but do we pay attention to our overall health and well-being?

Winning can also lead to psychological harm. Highly motivated people are particularly susceptible to post-goal depression, the feeling of emptiness or sadness that comes after victory. Imagine we’ve been training for years to reach that one big win. Once we get there, there’s nothing more to work toward. It’s easy to feel untethered and without purpose. Plus, our stupid brains have been feeding us dopamine to reward us for working hard to get there and suddenly all that dopamine is cut off just when we are confronted with a meaningless future. Ouch.

Winning makes us confident, which is not a bad thing, but it can be a double-edged sword. That’s because confidence can also make us fragile, and even sloppy. We tell ourselves stories about the kind of person we are and, as the hero of these narratives, we love to see ourselves as destined for victory. When we feel like we are on a winning streak we begin to believe we’ve got that Midas touch. But what happens when the touch goes away? When the narrative breaks down and we face some kind of adversity, it is all too common to just give up.

Giving up is a loss of resilience and something we see as a huge problem. When you exhibit resilience you are able to get through tough situations without crumbling. You can rebound, dust yourself off and get back to it. Resilient people are optimistic, action-oriented, and have purpose in their lives. They don’t do everything right but they see their failures as opportunities because even a little failure can go a long way towards building resilience.

We know a little something about resilience. As academics, our work gets rejected often and by faceless strangers (known as journal reviewers). We are told in great detail why our ideas are garbage and are sent back to the drawing board to do it all over again. And we do. We develop coping strategies, we temper our expectations, we learn the importance of doing the work. We embrace the process! This doesn't mean we always like the process but, like we said, it’s where the learning happens.

We also see the impacts of resilience in our classrooms. Students who don’t possess resilience have a much more difficult time shaking off a bad day or a bad grade. Rather than seeing it as a blip, and figuring out what they can do differently, they focus on the negative. rather than attempting to change the way they are doing things. Many researchers understand the importance of resilience and are bringing it into the classroom from elementary to college students. Simply showing students that their intellectual abilities can be developed (i.e. aren’t fixed) can yield higher achievement.

Resilience Essential Reads

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Want to guess what resilience is related to? Some of our favorite things: happiness, life satisfaction, and improved mental health! If you are wondering about your own resilience and not sure it’s where you would like it to be, no problem! We can all develop resilience because it’s a skill.

We understand if, at the end of the day, when you are playing Risk that you just really want to win because winning is fun. We get it. Just keep in mind the memories (and the bloody noses) you are making along the way.

*If you’ve been reading us for a while you know that we are totally fun cops but in a good way!