True Leadership: Fostering Safety in Ourselves and Others

"I feel very, very safe."

Source: Victor Velter / Shutterstock

Motivating ourselves and others to attack, defend, or protect is not leadership. While this approach can rally individuals toward a common goal, it is crucial to recognize that this motivation is rooted in a shared sense of threat, which fosters feelings of fear, aggression, and anxiety.

True leadership is the ability to cultivate feelings of safety and trust in ourselves and others, particularly when the stakes are high, the pressure is fierce, and the game is on the line.

This distinction manifests in Jannik Sinner, the 23-year-old Italian and #1 ranked tennis player. Despite the loss to his biggest rival in the China Open final, Jannik made a profound statement highlighting a unique perspective of his experience on the tennis court. He said, “Playing on a center court now, let’s say…It’s a place where I feel very, very safe.” This declaration underscores the importance of feeling safe even in the most intense moments.

When we experience feelings of safety and trust, we carry ourselves with a posture of confidence and acceptance and move through the world with open awareness and clarity. Conversely, when we experience feelings of aggression, fear, and anxiety, we carry excess and useless muscle tension throughout our body, face, eyes, neck, and jaw and move with rigidity, abruptness, and force.

We know what safety and trust look, sound, and feel like in ourselves and others. More than a mindset or intention, feelings of safety and trust reside in our bodies and emanate from us through our voice, face, and body language. From a polyvagal perspective, when we feel safe, our "nervous system supports the homeostatic functions of health, growth, and restoration," while we "simultaneously become accessible to others without feelings of threat and vulnerability."

In human performance, as Jannik is experiencing and expressing, we can access our skillset, problem-solving, creativity, adaptability, power, stamina, confidence, highest potential, and love of the game when we feel safe. As fans, Jannik carries us along with him, leading us to experience the same freedom, optimism, excitement, curiosity, and joy he embodies as he plays with his opponents versus fighting against them.

The essence of leadership is not confined to a specific role or title. It lies in our physiological capacity to experience and express a felt sense of safety and trust amidst chaos, volatility, conflict, and change. Whether we are coaches, athletes, business executives, parents, or members of society, we all have the potential to lead and be part of a collective movement fostering safety and trust.

No matter the outcome of the United States election, can we become the leaders of ourselves, others, and the world by asking and addressing these three questions?

1. Do I trust that it’s safe to feel safe?
2. Do I trust that it’s safe to trust others?
3. How can I foster feelings of safety and trust in myself and others?

Let's go!