Break the Dry Spell: Five Therapeutic Steps to Reconnection

In my Miami practice, I frequently encounter couples who have unconsciously drifted into autopilot. They coast through their relationship while redirecting their focus to daily tasks and crises. Work stress, household responsibilities, and child-rearing occupy the forefront of their minds, consuming much of their emotional and physical energy.

Eventually, these daily endeavors become distracting, and the relationship hits the cruise control button. Over time, this unconscious emotional and physical disconnect leads to a low desire and a sexual drought. Partners begin to feel like they're merely co-existing with a best friend or roommate. If this is you, don’t panic. There are ways to ignite that spark again. We can all live the sex lives we desire.

Below are a few key insights on how to rekindle your emotional and physical desire.

1. All too often, my long-term couples begin their sessions: We know everything about each other. This belief signals missed opportunities for discovery. Your partner, like you, is constantly evolving. It is important to take the time each day to learn who your partner is and who they are evolving into.
2. Take sex off the table. Commit to one another that sex is out, and intimacy is in. Trying to hit a home run after not being intimate for some time creates too much pressure and can make things worse. Start with emotional reconnection and small points of physical contact. Make the effort to be present with your partner. Be intentional about connecting through eye contact, small and slow touches, and emotional trust building (this is probably the biggest challenge as we have all been hurt or hurt by our partner).
3. There is nothing less sexy than talking about the sex you are not having. Pause the doomsday sex talk. Find a bonding conversation that allows both of you to feel relaxed. People are more interested in sex when they feel desired, heard, and emotionally safe.
4. If you and your partner have been in a sexual rut, the relationship must rebuild its relationship with physical intimacy. The topic of sex is extremely delicate and vulnerable. When candidly speaking about sex, come from a place of longing. Think, “What do you miss?” “What do you desire?”
5. Bring your sexy back. Think of your libido as a muscle. If you want a strong and healthy sex drive, you must work it. Do something every day that makes you feel sexy, confident, and powerful. An active libido requires a daily effort.

Couples fall in and out of sex ruts all the time. If you are currently in a sexual drought, don’t panic. Follow the steps to bring back the spark!