The Unexpected Joy of Being Bad at Something

Gutterball Guru

Source: Lindsey Godwin/Dall-E/Used with permission

I am terrible at bowling. Like, comically bad.

The kind of bad where you can physically hear the ball veering toward the gutter the moment it leaves my hand. The kind of bad where my score barely breaks 30—if the bumper lanes aren’t an option. The kind of bad where the only strikes I get are purely accidental.

And yet, I love bowling.

I love the neon glow of the lanes, the clatter of pins falling (even if they aren’t mine), and the retro charm of those ridiculous shoes. I love how, once I accept that I have zero natural talent for it, every pin I knock down feels like a personal victory. Most of all, I love the memories I make when I go with family and friends—because even when I’m losing, I’m laughing.

Bowling is just one example of something I’m objectively not good at but enjoy anyway. And while we tend to focus on mastering skills, there’s something surprisingly fulfilling about being bad at something and doing it just for fun.

What if, instead of avoiding things we aren’t naturally good at, we embraced them?

It turns out, psychology has a lot to say about why letting ourselves be bad at something can actually be good for us.

The Fear of Being Bad (and Why We Need to Let It Go)

Many of us have internalized the idea that if we’re going to do something, we should do it well. Perfectionism—the relentless pursuit of high standards paired with harsh self-criticism (Flett & Hewitt, 2002)—often prevents us from even attempting things we might not immediately excel at. This pressure can be even more pronounced for women, as my co-authors and I recently explored in our new book, Ditch the Ditty: Doing What Matters Instead of Doing It All, where we examine how gendered expectations reinforce the belief that we must master every task we take on, often at the expense of joy and personal fulfillment.

But here’s the catch: If we only do things we’re already good at, we miss out on the sheer joy of learning, experimenting, and just playing.

Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset (Dweck, 2006) highlights the difference between those who believe abilities are fixed (e.g., I’m just not good at this, so why try?) and those who believe abilities can be developed (I might not be good at this now, but I can improve). The latter group tends to be more resilient, more open to new experiences, and—most importantly—more willing to enjoy the process rather than focus solely on results.

So what if we stopped measuring success solely by outcomes? What if we allowed ourselves to be bad at things and still do them anyway?

The Psychological Benefits of Being Bad at Something

It turns out that engaging in activities we’re not great at can actually improve our well-being in several surprising ways.

1. It Builds Resilience and Lowers Fear of Failure. When we allow ourselves to be bad at something without shame, we strengthen our ability to cope with setbacks in other areas of life. The more we practice failing in low-stakes situations—like a bowling game or an art class—the easier it becomes to handle failure in high-stakes situations, like work or relationships.

Research on self-compassion and resilience (Neff, 2011) shows that people who are kinder to themselves when they make mistakes are better equipped to bounce back from challenges. In other words, laughing at my terrible bowling skills instead of beating myself up for them makes me more likely to try new things in the future—without the fear of failure holding me back.

Try this: Pick something you’re terrible at, and do it anyway—without any expectation of improvement. Let yourself enjoy it just for the experience.

2. It Brings Joy and Strengthens Social Bonds. Some of my best memories come from moments of shared failure—trying (and failing) to ice skate with my kids, completely botching a recipe, or sending a bowling ball straight into the gutter while my friends cheer for my effort.

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The “pratfall effect," a concept studied in social psychology, suggests that making mistakes actually makes people more likable rather than less (Aronson et al., 1966). When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to laugh at our missteps, and to fully engage in an activity without ego, we connect more deeply with others.

Try this: Instead of competing to be the best at something, shift the focus to shared enjoyment. The next time you play a game, take a class, or try something new, pay attention to the connection rather than the performance.

3. It Encourages Play and Creativity. Being bad at something frees us from the pressure of expectations. If you already know you’re not an expert bowler, painter, dancer, or musician, you’re more likely to enjoy the process rather than fixate on the outcome.

Studies on play and creativity (Brown, 2009) show that engaging in activities purely for enjoyment boosts cognitive flexibility, reduces stress, and enhances problem-solving skills. When we give ourselves permission to be bad at something, we shift from a results-driven mindset to an exploration-driven mindset—one that fosters curiosity, adaptability, and fun.

Try this: Sign up for something you have no business being good at—a dance class, improv comedy, pottery, anything outside your comfort zone. Let yourself enjoy it without any goal of mastery.

The Takeaway: Do It Anyway

Our culture tends to glorify expertise and mastery, but there’s a quiet kind of magic in doing things just because.

Maybe you’re terrible at bowling, but you love the neon lights and the sound of rolling pins.

Maybe you can’t carry a tune, but belting out your favorite song makes you feel alive.

Maybe your painting looks like something a toddler made, but the process brings you joy.

None of that is failure. It’s freedom.

So, the next time you hesitate to try something because you might be bad at it, ask yourself: Does it matter? If the answer is no, then do it anyway. Joy doesn’t come from being the best at something—it comes from allowing yourself to enjoy it, no matter what the scoreboard says.

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