In the Name of Love

A philosopher looks at our deepest emotions

Aaron Ben-Zeév Ph.D.

Why Surrendering to Your Lover Is Delightful

Both surrender and submission involve yielding to a superior power. However, in romantic relations, they differ in a way that makes only surrender a thriving experience.

Why People Scream and Moan During Sex

Many people associate moaning and screaming with pain. Why, then, should people make these noises while experiencing sexual pleasure? Are we not embarrassed to do so?

Did You Leave Me for Someone Else or for No One Else?

Two major types of romantic rejection that end in separation are rejection because of someone else, and rejection because of no one else. Which type is more painful?

Should It Be OK for Someone to Have an Affair When Their Partner Is Seriously Ill?

Caregivers who love their ailing spouse but cannot attend to their own romantic needs can feel captive. Should they get, as other inmates do, brief vacations due to good behavior?

I Love Him, but I Need Someone Else, Too

Can we outsource our romantic and sexual needs? Can someone else do it better than our partner? Sometimes, the answer is “yes.”

Do You Have Sex with Your Eyes Closed?

Eye contact is vital in romantic communication. However, during sex, which is central in romance, many people close their eyes. Is the look of sex different from the look of love?

Is Marrying Your First and Only Lover a Bad Idea?

When you marry your first and only lover, do you regret not having had more lovers? Does the quality of love overcome the pain of regret?

Can You Hate the One You Love?

The value of consistency in the romantic realm is murky, as emotions are highly sensitive to change. Hating the one you love is an example of seemingly inconsistent behavior.

Is Silence Golden in Love?

Silence is sometimes golden in intimate relations. However, in profound love, silence is rather noisy, and its sound is rather unpleasant.

What Is the Most Important Part of Sex?

How can brief and infrequent experiences such as orgasms be crucial for flourishing romantic relations? The answer relates to the experiences associated with them.

"I've Got Two Lovers, and I Ain't Ashamed”

Polyamory is criticized for spreading love too thin and thus hurting the lovers. In reply, one might argue that the heart can expand when you love more. What is the right answer?

Why Some People Walk Away from Partners They Love

If love is not all we need, then it is certainly reasonable for some people to leave the one they love. Sometimes, love and life clash.

“I Would Never Sleep With a Trump Supporter”

Political views are vital in choosing spouses, but their role in hooking up is less clear. We may not want to live with our political enemy, but what’s wrong with sleeping with him?

How Quickly Should Couples Fall in Love (or Into Bed)?

There are good reasons for not rushing love and persuasive arguments for the value of quickies. Can we both not rush love and still enjoy having quickies?

What's More Important, Being Sexy or Being Beautiful?

Both being sexy and being beautiful enhance romantic attraction. Which one is more dominant? And which one is more positively received? The answer is not obvious.

What Do Singles Really Want?

Married people envy singles for their romantic freedom. Do singles envy married people for their serious relationships? A recent Match study indicates surprising trends.

Choose Meaning and Live Better

We have a bad habit of focusing on people's superficial, negative qualities. Profound qualities have more meaning in the long run, so their behavioral influence should be greater.

Is Meritocracy Useful in Searching for a Romantic Partner?

In meritocracy, one is judged according to one’s personal past performance and achievements. Is this the best principle to follow when looking for a suitable romantic partner?

Does Love Always Win?

Romantic love is a many-splendored thing. A life without love is a miserable life. However, not everything is glowing in the romantic kingdom.

Winning Love

Attempting to change the beloved and surrendering to the beloved are common practices. Although each has some value, neither is effective in guiding our romantic path.

Should We Prepare Ourselves for Straying?

In order to reduce the pain of a potential romantic rejection, some people cultivate back-up romantic options. How beneficial is this preemptive strike strategy?

Choosing a Romantic Partner

It is mistaken to hold that keeping all romantic options open cannot be bad, as you can always select the best. There is a cost to this and too much of a good thing can be harmful.

Establishing Love With an Imperfect Partner

The prevailing ideal of a perfect love is a major obstacle for establishing enduring, profound love.

I Love Him Most of the Time

Lively’s claim that she loves Reynolds most of the time runs counter to the nature of profound love. She probably desires him sexually most of the time, but loves him all the time.

Yearning for the Romantic Road Not Taken

In “The Road Not Taken,” Frost refers to “the road less traveled” and “the road not taken.” Are the two notions identical? How does this distinction relate to the romantic realm?

Nobody Does It Better

Humor, which clashes with the intensity of romantic love, can be valuable in romance. Is humor always good in love? Is it useful for seduction? Should we tell jokes during sex?

“Only You” or “I've Two Lovers, and I Love Them Both"?

Emotional partiality and diversity are essential to romantic love. However, they appear to conflict with each other. Which one has a greater romantic value?

How to Choose a Long-Term Romantic Partner

There are probably “50 ways to leave your lover,” but far fewer ways to choose the one who will stay with you for the long term.

Do Only Dead Fish Swim With the Stream?

Many people's long-term romantic behavior is similar to dead fish floating with the current, slowly drifting with the stream. Is such behavior damaging? Not always, it would seen.

Can Punctuality Ruin Love?

There are good reasons for considering punctuality to be a virtue. Is it also a romantic virtue? There are reasons to think it is not.