Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis?
Verified by Psychology Today
Cleaning up emotional pollution
Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
In our closest relationships, we can learn compassionate assertiveness, standing up for our own rights and preferences while respecting the rights and preferences of others.
Racing thoughts must have answers to form alternative synaptic connections and prevent thought-looping.
True compassion helps us to trust wisely. It helps us see the pain people suffer and the defenses they use against their pain.
When we reflect on how we feel, we bring into implicit memory past instances that evoked similar feelings, creating an illusion that it’s always been that way and always will be.
To experience the wonder of being alive, we must acknowledge and transcend the terror of being alive.
To be heard in the cacophonous sea of voices, individuals must amplify their own, so they’re likely to express exaggerated thoughts they don’t fully believe.
Even if factually correct, one perspective is incomplete. The reality of any interaction and of the relationship as a whole is both perspectives together.
If your life feels genuine, with sustained interest, purpose, conviction, and compassion, you have created a set of values and more or less kept true to them.
We can wipe away the footprints of injury by identifying with our innate resilience and ability to heal.
We need explanations to reduce anxiety, but they don’t have to be right. In terms of anxiety-reduction, a bad explanation is better than no explanation.
Because you’re likely to get more of what you project, be sure to project what you want, not what you don’t want.
Committed relationships have a foundation of common values, yet most arguments are about perceived ego offenses, not values.
Partners inevitably blame the guilt and shame of violating their values on each other.
Couples seem to be asking for submission from their partners rather than the cooperation they really want. Cooperation fosters connection.
Adults in love understand that their only chance of getting the partner they most want to have is to be the partner they most want to be.
It's almost impossible to see other people's perspectives when we blame how we feel on them.
Valuing gives a heightened sense of well-being, making you feel more alive.
The most damaging residual effects of intimate betrayal are secondary symptoms, triggered by the meaning one gives to primary symptoms.
There could be no civilization, enduring health, or mental wellness without trust.
The notion that we need to justify emotional pain probably comes from cruel social messages that painful and vulnerable emotions are signs of weakness.
Emotions tend to feel very different on the inside than they look on the outside.
The danger to families lies not in differences of opinion about policies and politicians. Love is not about opinions, it’s about compassion, kindness, support, and commitment.
While expectations should be realistic, lowering them sacrifices enthusiasm and enjoyment.
The tragic mistake so many people make in love relationships is confusing value with power.
Disappointment is about the way the house looks at a given moment; betrayal is a deep crack in the foundation.
Negative labels are used so frequently in public discourse, they’re now a shorthand for stereotypes, little more than code words or slurs.
While complaints have a minuscule chance of improving situations, expressions of contempt will always make things worse.
You have an anger problem if some subtle form of anger or resentment makes you do something against your long-term best interests.
If you judge how lovable you are based on reflections from someone who cannot love without hurt, you'll have a distorted view of yourself as a loving and lovable person.
The last time you got really angry, you probably got depressed afterward. The angrier you get, the more depressed you get once it wears off.
Steven Stosny, Ph.D., treats people for anger and relationship problems. His recent books include How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about It and Love Without Hurt.