From day one when I first met my mother in law she asked me if I was Italian or went to church, what religion, etc. I knew then after the interrogation she was going to be a hand full. When after two years of dating my husband asked my father for my hand in marriage, my family loved my husband to be. When my mil was told we were engaged she said "why didn't you ask me for my opinion?" again warning signs. When we were trying to organise our wedding I thought to keep her happy and start organising a big Italian ceremony which I'm not Italian but thought I would do the right thing. Planned the big Italian church, Priest, reception etc and the only thing I wanted my way was who was I going to have as my bridesmaids (which was my sister, my cousin and my best friend) well that caused world war 4 in our house as she always promised her niece she would be in her son's wedding, (I didn't like the bitch and I did not want to have her with me all day in my wedding). Things she said then has always stuck in my head, when she started bagging my family for having it all my way, she will never attend a wedding that she couldn't have her say in what she wanted. All this for me only wanting one thing on my wedding day. My husband and I have been married 18 years this year and my mil still tries to manipulate our relationship and still causes major head aches and still the only arguments we have involves her.
After she insulted me while we were engaged, I cancelled the big Italian church, the Priest and the 300 people at the reception and ended up having an Irish Priest in a small Catholic church and 180 people at our reception. The only thing she had was her niece (who she wanted as my bridemaid) hand out the booklets in the church and yes she gave us more problems days leading up to the wedding hoping we might cancel.
I would like to say every time I've tried to be nice and think she's now older and I let my guard down she has always made me regret it by saying very hurtful things that stays with you for months but the only way that's helped me is distance. I'm lucky she can't drive so she only sees us when we go down to her which I try and drag it out to once a month and even that is to soon but I do it for my husband.
Yes he stands by me most of the time but as his mum is so manipulative all the time she wares him down and he's then struggling with me and her. We have two beautiful boys and it depends on which son does better at that time in life that he is her favourite and the other gets no attention.
Life does get really hard and if I had my choice again when I was dating my husband I would have said good bye even when we did love each other so much the head aches that come with it doesn't compare with the hurt they give. Just remember in their eyes no matter how hard you try to please them and give them everything you will never be good enough for their son and it only makes matters worst as they still will not be happy for what you do for them, so don't try.
My Mil had a stroke a few years back and the only thing that affected her was her speech, which I do believe was Karma. I'm not the only one she treats like this it's everyone and she wonders why she is now a lonely old woman and the only people that visit her is us, so you would think she would try and be nice, but No.
Best of Luck with your decision and unless you have a partner that wants or can distance yourselves from the abuse go for it but if you don't get the support, RUN.

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