Values are what bring distinction to your life. You don't find them, you choose them. And when you do, you're on the path to fulfillment.
I moved with my husband to the east coast from California. At first, I thought my MIL was pretty cool, nice, funny, however. 16 years later, and our son is about to graduate High School, I finally had enough of her manipulations, conniving, schemes, undermining, sarcastic ways. And it's funny, she can do this to your face and no one even notices. It's really pretty sad. My FIL is the most vial, disgusting, perverted pig I have ever known. His comments to my boys from a previous marriage were so vial and perverted, while my MIL stood there with a smirk on her face. I was at work while they visited them. I have always given her the benefit of the doubt as well. She has proven herself to be a vindictive, jealous woman. Hind site is 20/20! The list of things she has pulled and said are as long as arm! I think the final icing on the cake took place on Christmas Eve. Being that we're all Catholic, which they don't really practice the faith, but only on their terms. Well, Christmas Eve, we walk in their home, she immediately let's all five dogs in the house, after it was raining outside, and yes they smelled horrible. Then, we are forced to watching "Ted" a real vulgar movie to say the least. All the while she is making pleasant conversation, like she is really interested. Then, the FIL put's some cheesy mechanic program on with beautiful blond women fixing cars...No lie, this was for my benefit as my husband is a mechanic. A real spirit filled evening for sure. She also pulled this one...A night out at a local restaurant to celebrate my husband new job...we walk in and I noticed she was speaking to the waitress, she was almost whispering in her ear, that's how close she was standing next to her. As we all sit down at our table, the waitress comes over and starts flirting with my husband. It was so obvious, so obnoxious that my son, 16 at the time kicked me under the table. The waitress was actually coming on to my husband right there in the restaurant...My gut instinct alarm went off, yet I kept calm, until the next day I called the restaurant and made a formal complaint regarding her actions. This too was for my benefit, to make me jealous. She has a "get even spirit". Yet, I have always tried to be pleasant, always coming over for holidays, etc. Never to give any reason for her actions towards me. I might add, she knows people that work at this particular restaurant as well, which of course leads me to believe she would stoop this low, her past character traits are alarming. These horrid toxic in-laws pushed my last button this past get together. I may also add that my FIL on Christmas Eve stands up in the living room, looks at me and announces that he has to have surgery. I asked him for what, he pleasantly said that he has to have scarred tissue removed from his penis...of course she stood there with that usual smirk on her face...I came home and decided to write her a letter. Needless to say, I was very to the point in such a way that she finally knows now that I am on to her and her nasty games. My letter hit the nail on the head so to speak. I basically didn't need to lower myself, but simply used the same, exact methods I have watched her use on me for 16 years. I can now look at her with a smile on my face because I will never give her the benefit of the doubt ever again. I used her in my letter as to how people are so pathetic, and how they have such get even spirits. That they would go to such lengths to hurt someone. To smile when they say rude, crude remarks. I was able to construct this letter aimed at her, without making it obvious that I was pointing the finger at her or even blaming her. There is so much more, 16 years is a long time to play these games with me. I never shared this letter with my husband either. He doesn't know anything unless she called him and told him about it. Only trying to start a fight between us, to cause a division in our marriage. I saw many red flags over the years but because she is my sons grandmother, my husbands mother, I chose to ignore them. But not anymore. My husband has said for years how he can't stand her OR her husband (which he is not biologically related to my husband at all.) They are the kind of people that can dish it out but can't take it. If you say anything back to one of their vial comments, they look at you as if to say, "who do you think you are?" Well, let me say, I have added years to my health, happiness and my well being. My letter I am sure was read to her side of the family and I must be the most horrible person alive. I figure, if you can dish it, you can take it. If you don't like, tough. I feel like a million dollars just getting rid of the toxic waste in my own life. These two horrid people. She is coming to our son's graduation, will I speak to her? By all means, yes. I will be so completely in control, so nice that I am sure it will make her sick. I can smile at her and be so pleasant because I know that she knows I am on to her and that she and my FIL better not ever under any circumstances cross this line ever again.
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