I've found myself struggling with this in the past and falling into exactly the traps you have described. My SO, by being imperfect at communicating and revealing that he needs connection in conflict, has slowly started to make me question all of the so-called communication techniques that I have been attempting to apply, in an almost formulaic fashion, and shown me that attempting perfect communication is total folly. Better to blurt out what I need to say, worry about repurcussions later, and focus more on reconnecting as soon as possible than worrying about how my message sounds or if it conveys what I truly want/feel, or focusing on whether or not he is also perfect in his delivery (and obviously holding onto and ruminating about it and condemning him when he is not). The latter left me feeling horrible and anxious all the time, while the former allows me to express myself and build intimacy at the same time. I was always bad at expressing negative emotions (except anger of course), and all of the propaganda of communication techniques only served to compound that fear. I find your method allows me freedom. To not be perfect. To speak my truth. Yet to know that restoring connection is the ultimate goal and worth every blunder up until that point. Thanks for helping us sort through the BS. Human beings are imperfect and I think the biggest regret of the psychological community is to condone the notion that there is a perfection that we should all be striving for and then we'll be healthy, normal, or insert your favorite state here... Embracing the struggle of humanity and striving to be better, instead of perfect, and realizing that all we truly want is connection with other human beings, in whatever way is appropriate for us, is where true mental health can thrive.